Will you still love me tomorrow?
by CindyBaby
Summary: Sequel to "Loss of innocence". Time to deal with everything that happened.
1. Chapter 1

**I'm almost giddy with excitement. With exam week in school there isn't much time to write, and it drives me crazy. But now I'm here! And it's the first chapter in the sequel to the story that I loved writing more than I have loved writing anything else. As always, Lucy thank you so much for your continued support, you have no idea what it means. And thanks to everyone who reviewed and read "Loss of innocence" and decided to tag along to this story. As usual I still don't own four brothers.**

"Jack...Jackie..."

Bobby's voice was hoarse, and a bit gravelly since he hadn't used it for awhile, but it was still so familiar that Jack could do nothing but press his head tight to Bobby. He didn't feel anything but that, that familiarity. He felt like home.

"I don't know..." Bobby's voice, so confused, finally made Jack lift his head to look at him.

"You don't remember?" He asked quietly, his eyes searching Bobby's.

"No... I..."

"Bobby!"

Both Jack and Bobby's eyes turned to the door at the sound of Angel's voice. He and Jerry quickly disposed of their coffee and then they were right there beside him, grasping his hands, tears in their eyes.

"Who died?" Bobby tried to joke, but it somehow felt wrong. His laughter caught in his throat, and he couldn't prevent a cough.

Jack had turned pale, his wide eyes locked on Bobby's face.

Jerry pressed the button, and soon enough a nurse was in the room, paging the doctor and smiling at Bobby, who looked at her like she was nuts. His coughing soon stopped and he sighed and leaned back, suddenly so very tired. He just wanted to sleep. His eyes locked on Jack's. "What, you were saying something..."

"It dosen't matter" Jack swallowed hard.

"Bobby. We've been waiting for you to wake up"

Bobby's doctor stepped inside. After introducing himself to Bobby he began his exam.

"Do you remember what happened? Why you're in the hospital?"

No one noticed when Jack took a step back, leaving the group. He had waited for this moment for so long, prayed for, begged for it, and now that it was here he couldn't help but wish that maybe Bobby wouldn't remember... maybe he wouldn't remember how everything was Jack's fault. Maybe he wouldn't remember how Jack had almost gotten him killed.

"No... Why am I here? I don't know..." Bobby trailed off, looking more confused than the brothers had ever seen him.

"That's okay Bobby, it might be the drugs too. Are you in pain?" The doctor asked.

"A little, maybe..."

That was a bad sign. Bobby admitting he was in pain meant he was in a lot of pain.

"Alright" The doctor pushed the button that controlled the dosage of morphine entering Bobby's arm.

When Bobby noticed he tried to protest, but his weak body soon felt even more heavy and his eyes wanted to close but he fought it with all his might. There was something he needed to know, something he did know, something important. "No, don't I need to know..."

The doctor placed a hand on Bobby's arm trying to stop his movements. "Bobby. What you need right now is to rest, and to heal, that's all that matters now".

Bobby tried to shake off his arm but it came out weak. He glanced around at his brothers, the one he was searching for standing off to the side. "Jack"

When his name was called Jack took a step forward. He feared the words he thought would come from his brothers mouth but was at the same time unable to ignore the fact that he asked for him. He took another step until he was at Bobby's side once again, grasping the hand that reached for him. He met his brothers worried eyes with his own. He wondered if the guilt shone through them as much as it burned inside him.

"Jack" His hand in his had calmed him but he didn't know why, suddenly he had just had this weird feeling in his chest, that worry. "You okay?"

His words were slightly blurry now, as the drugs were beginning to work their way through his body. His body hurt, but for some reason he needed to know that Jack was alright.

Jack swallowed. Was he... had he ever been. "Yeah. I'm fine. Just rest, okay Bobby? We'll be here when you wake up".

Bobby didn't answer, he was asleep before Jack had finished talking.

"_Damn stupid bastard... Can't you do anything?"_

_He hung his head low. He hated being reprimanded. _

"_Can you fucking answer? Or are you too stupid? Yeah that's it. Thank god your moma offed herself huh boy? She'd cry seeing what a waste she carried around"_

_His mom. Yeah. The woman who left him. That one. _

"_Fucking look at me when I'm talking to you!" _

_A hard blow made him drop to the floor. He tasted blood an for a moment he felt something he had never felt before. It was intense, the pure rage, but he pushed it away, what right did he have to feel anything... He felt the tears well up and tried to force them back. It was pointless to cry and it only served to piss his Dad off anyway. He hated seeing weakness in anyone, especially his bastard son. _

"It's completely normal. His body needs to heal"

The doctor tried to convince them that the likelyhood of Bobby slipping back into a coma while he was asleep was very slim unless something happened, but the brothers were still worried and didn't want to leave his room. Jack was once again in his usual chair next to Bobby and Jerry and Angel were gathered around.

"I can't help but wonder... is there someone we should have called?"

"That day?" Angel asked, his voice low, an unsure look in his face"

"Yeah... I mean his work? Friends? I just don't know..."

"There's no one" They looked at Jack, who continued staring at the wall. "You know Bobby" He cleared his throat, it suddenly felt so very very dry. "No close friends".

"Except us" Angel declared, smiling slightly.

"Yeah" Jack didn't move his eyes from the wall. "Except us".

_He could barely move. His body hurt all over from the beating he had received the night before. Robert, he didn't call him dad anymore, had come home drunk and pissed, having lost all his money at the local poker table, and had once again taken it out on his son. He took a deep breath and tried to ignore the pain. Work through it, just work through it, don't try to push it away, go through it. He dragged himself to the kitchen and found Robert on the floor. Empty bottles littered the floor around him. He sighed when he saw the contents of the fridge. Something that once may have been bread was the only thing there, just like it had been for the last few days. Still he couldn't help but check everyday. With one look at Robert he took his jacket and left, not bothering to lock the door behind him. He was sure no one would willingly enter that shithole anyway. _

_Walking down the street he soon found himself outside Denny's. He wasn't allowed to drink, but Denny usually didn't mind if he came inside to warm up. Walking in he spotted Denny behind the bar and he headed over._

"_Bobby" He took in his blue eye and cut lip. "Rough night?"_

"_You could say that"_

_Denny just nodded. He didn't mind if he hung out there, but that was as far as his generosity stretched. As he had once told Bobby, stupid people never got anywhere, an dealing out drinks for free and to those underage fit in that category. _

_He sat down at a table in one of the corners. He was so hungry his stomach ached, or maybe that was from the hits he'd taken, he didn't know. _

_He spent the rest of the day there, watching people come and go. The day had turned into night before anyone took any notice of him. He'd seen the guy watch him, so he was prepared when he sat down in front of him._

"_You look like you could use some money"_

It's strange the things we remember and the things we forget, Jack mused. He couldn't remember when he'd last told Bobby that he loved him. He tried to sort through his memories since he arrived back in Detroit and before that, before he left, before Bobby left, but he couldn't remember. He knew he'd said it, he remembered the first time he said it, but he didn't remember saying it after that time. Why hadn't he? The brothers were still sitting around Bobby's bed but Angel and Jerry had fallen asleep some time ago. Jack was surprised that no one had entered the room with a stun gun to silence the loud snoring noises coming from Angel. He chuckled a little at the thought but soon turned silent again.

Looking out the window he observed the citys tall buildings. For so long he had wanted to escape this town. Not his family, but his memories of all the shit that had happened here. He had thought New York was what he needed, but shit had continued there. If he was honest with himself he had needed his family, despite claiming that he needed to be independent. And now they were all back in Detroit. For how long he wondered. Strange how despite everything he felt home here, more than he ever had in New York. He started humming.

"These broken city lights..."

**Sorry for the short chappie but exams took a lot longer than I expected and then I went home for the weekend since it was my birthday yesterday (yay), but consider this the start. Lucy don't worry, when I'm 75 and sitting in a home I'll still be asking the other elderly what they think Jack should do now, and they'll be like: Who? Lol.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Just watched four brothers again. So amazing. Lucy, thank you. It means a lot. Yeah it's a tough road in front of them, there's just so much to write, Bobby and his past, his healing and probably bad temper, and then there's Jack, who wants to die from the guilt eating at him. His problems are just starting poor kid, and that's one of the reasons this story is also rated M, for well curse words, abuse, substance abuse and so on. Cause Jack is an addict, according to me. He's also very destructive, just like Bobby, but different brother, different way. In the first story he fell into some old bad habits, like with the razor and I want to issue a warning, that or something else is probably going to happen again. You have been warned. He needs a release for his pain, that's why. I don't own four brothers.**

"Where am I? I don't… you better tell me…"

Jack had been down the hall visiting the coffee machine when he heard Bobby's confused voice. Bobby had slept through the night without waking up again, but Jack had been unable to sleep and now his body craved caffeine to keep itself upright. He never went down to the cafeteria anymore. He got as far as to the elevator before the panic started making itself known, so now he was drinking the washed out shit from the machine in the hall. He didn't mind. Sure it tasted like shit, but he'd take that over the panic in his chest every time he left Bobby's floor.

Hurrying down the hall he cursed himself for leaving just at the moment when Bobby came to. Could he do nothing right?

Bobby was half sitting up in the bed when he entered, his doctor at his side obvioulsy trying to calm him without much success. The second his eyes landed on Jack he visibly calmed and looked like the air had left him. He leaned back on the bed, reaching his hand out. Jack took it without hesitation.

"Jack. You're here" His voice, so unlike Bobby's usual one, made Jack's heart clench. He sounded so confused, so scared. Jack guessed he was. He didn't know where he was or why he was there afterall.

"Course I am. Just stopped out for some of this shit" He tried to smile when he held the coffee up for Bobby to see, ignoring the look the doctor sent him. Uptight bastard.

Obviously the smell of coffee, faint as it was, it was so watered down it looked like something scraped off the floor, sparked something in Bobby and he eyed the cup with something close to longing on his face.

"Can I have some?"

Jack grew even paler than he already was at hearing Bobby Mercer ask for something. He sounded… polite. The doctor mistook Jack's pale face and wide eyes for horror at what Bobby said. He was part right, but not for the reason he obviously thought.

"I'm sorry Bobby but your brother is right. Caffeine is not something you can divulge in right now, it would not be good for you".

The doctors tone was soothing and Jack felt his frayed nerves sizzle even more. He had the same tone of voice like everyone else he had ever met in the various hospitals he had occupied when he was younger. It used to drive him up the wall, and this time weren't any different. He knew Bobby felt the same, all the Mercer's, except for Evelyn, did.

"Okay" Bobby said softly.

Jack blinked.

The doctor smiled, glad that this one was not as troublesome as his brothers. "I'm glad you listen to me Bobby, that is going to make this so much more easy. Now tell me, how are you feeling today?"

The doctor and Bobby talked for a bit, but Jack could see he was getting tired and wasn't listening. The doc seemed to notice too cause he stopped with the questions and after adjusting the needle in Bobby's arm that controlled the morphine dosage, he turned to Jack. Bobby was already dosing.

"Mr Mercer"

Jack grimached and at the same time Angel and Jerry piled into the room with what could only be described with the grace of an elephant herd.

The doctor sighed and rubbed his head at the loud noise. "Please, keep it down people. This is a hospital, not a circus, not a bar, a hospital. People here need the calm we try to provide" He turned to Jack "And you, language, I've told you several times already, there's children here too. I have to say I'm happy to see that Bobby seem to have a different temper so far".

With one last stern look the doctor left the room, a surprised Angel and Jerry turned to look at Jack, shock painted all over their faces.

"What just happened?" Angel sounded more confused than Jack had when Jerry once tried to teach him algebra.

"Did he just refer to Bobby as someone with a, good temper?" Jerry sounded horrified.

Jack rubbed a hand over his eyes.

He had tried to fight back, he really had, but Robert was just too strong. He was still a kid afterall. Strange how he felt like he had lived several lifetimes already. He once again found himself beaten half to death, this time he had ended up in the hospital. How he had gotten there he had no idea, Robert sure as hell hadn't taken him. He could hear the nurses whispering, they obviously thought he was asleep.

"_I don't know who to call"_

"_What about his father? Surely he would want to know that his son is alright?"_

_Bobby snorted. Yeah, like the bastard who put him here would want to know that he was alright. _

"_That's the thing. Robert Lee is not listed as his father. Social services says he's Bobby's stepfather"_

"_That can't be right"_

_Bobby's head spun. Robert wasn't his father? But he had always said he was, his mother had said he was._

"_According to them his biological father have never been in the picture, his mother met Robert Lee when Bobby was a bit over a year old"._

"_And his mother?"_

"_Killed herself two years ago. Overdose"._

_Was it just two years ago that he found his mother laying still on the bed, a needle in her arm?_

"_Oh my god" One of the nurses let out a gasp._

"_Guess we'll know where this one ends up right?"_

They had ordered pizza, ignoring the looks the nurses sent them. Jack had been tempted to tell them where they could stick their shitty food, but Jerry had claimed it was a good idea to get along with the nurses. They were now gathered around Bobby's room again, his bedtable posing as a kitchen table.

"I want a beer" Angel complained.

Jack wanted one too, or ten, but he didn't speak.

"You heard the doctor. From now on we have to behave better than we have before. Cut down on the noise and the cursing". Jerry grinned at Jack.

Jack tried to smile back, but it came off weak.

"Stupid doctor, and shitty hospital" Angel moaned.

"Hey now, take it easy. I'm sure they're just doing what's best"

Jack rolled his eyes. Trust Jerry to see the good in that one. He changed the channel on the small TV in Bobby's room and turned up the volume some, causing Angel to grin and Jerry to frown.

"What are you doing? Did you not hear the doctor?"

"The red wings are playing. Bobby wouldn't want to miss it" Jack stated calmly, not looking at his second oldest brother, instead focusing on the game playing.

"Damn straight". Angel agreed.

Jerry sighed. He really hoped Bobby got better soon, not just cause he missed his oldest brother to the point of tears, but cause he needed some help in keeping his brothers reined in. That caused another pang in his chest. Usually Bobby was the one who needed to be reined in.

Bobby had no faith in the system so he wasn't surprised when he was sent home to his dad. Stepdad. No one knew that he had overhard that detail. It had always been so clear to him that people didn't care, maybe at some point he had hoped for it, but those days were long gone, and the only thing that mattered was surviving.

After another beating about a week later he again entered Denny's and after nodding to him behind the bar he sat down to wait. He didn't have to wait long until the one he was looking for entered. He watched as he ordered a beer and sat down in one of the corners. Bobby waited 5 minutes before he stood up and made his way over. Coming to a stop in front of his table he waited until the man looked up at him.

"I changed my mind"

"Muriel called me today"

Jerry immediatley stiffened as guilt flooded him. Memories of Evan lying still on the ice flashed before his eyes. "How did she get your number?"

"I thought it would be rude to ask"

Jerry's hand clenched around the phone. She was mad. "Camille…"

"Jerry" She stopped him "She said that Evan is dead because of you and your brothers" She waited for him to speak, and when he didn't she continued. "I told you this would happen".

He was so tired. Tired of the guilt eating at him, tired of seeing himself in the mirror. He knew it was his fault, he just didn't expect to hear it from her. "It is my fault".

Camille sighed, as if she had expected this. "No Jerry, it's not. But you have to see what being around them does okay?"

"What are you talking about?"

"Look. I know you love your brothers, and I love that you care so much, but you have to realize that they are never going to change" He heard Camille inhale slowly "especially not Bobby".

"Don't. Not now" Jerry's voice was strained as he tried to keep it together.

"It's true Jerry. You can spin this anyway you want, and I know you want to be there for him, but at the end of the day Bobby put Bobby where he is right now".

Camille wanted to take back the words as soon as she spoke them. For a minute all she heard was her husbands harsh breath through the line.

"Bobby is where he is right now" He hated how his voice cracked, but he kept seeing the same scene in his mind, he thought he had managed to push it back, to focus on helping his brothers here and now, but Camille's words brought it all back. He took a breath and tried to steady his voice "because he saved Jack's life Camille".

She felt bad. She really did, but she couldn't help what she felt. She did admire Bobby for saving his brother, but she was sure that Jerry spending time with his brothers would only lead to more trouble, more pain for everyone. Especially her and the girls. "I know Jerry, and I admire him for it, but how long is this gonna go on? How long are me and the girls gonna stay away? Can we go home now? When are you coming home?"

In that moment Jerry resented Camille. He loved her so much, but couldn't she understand how close he had come to losing his brothers? Couldn't she at least try to understand how much it hurt to think that one of them could have been gone forever?

"You can go home"

"And when are you coming home Jerry?"

"I don't know. Tell the girls I love them?"

"I will, but Jerry, you need to think about what your doing right now okay? I'm sorry abo…"

He cut her off. Her comment about Bobby and his brothers hurt. He wondered if she thought the same about him? He was afterall one of the Mercer's too. "Not now. Tell the girls I love them. I have to go"

He hung up before she could answer. Leaning back against the wall he closed his eyes and took a shaky breath. He slowly slid down to sit on the floor and rested his head on his arms.

"Who the fuck are you?"

"What's it to you dickhead?"

"Boys! Language!" Evelyn turned to Bobby. "Bobby, we talked about this. This is Jeremiah" She turned to Jeremiah who stood still as stone by the door "Jeremiah, this is my son Bobby"

The boys didn't speak, but Bobby relaxed his stance when he met Evelyn's eyes. He could see what she wanted, and as usual he was powerless to argue. "Sorry for calling you dickhead, but you…"

Evelyn cut him off before he could tell the new kid it was his own damn fault, a smile on her face. "Now, Jeremiah, are you hungry?"

He nodded reluctantly, still warily eyeing Bobby.

"Good. Let me take your jacket, Bobby can you set the table?"

Bobby left after throwing a warning glare at him. He was about to take another step inside when Evelyn's light touch on his arm stopped him. He tensed.

'I want you to know that this is a good place Jeremiah, you don't have to be afraid"

For some reason he believed her, and he nodded almost reluctantly and looked up at her kind face. She was smiling slightly.

"But, you have to clean up that mouth of yours, no cursing, are we clear?"

He nodded again, and she smiled at him.

Entering the kitchen he found Bobby already seated and the table set. His mouth watered at the sight of the food. He wondered how much he would get to eat, probably not as much as he wanted he figured. Still, it was better than he ever could remember.

"I'll help you unpack after dinner if you want Jeremiah. Boys, take each others hands"

Bobby and Jeremiah grabbed hands. Jeremiah felt Bobby hug his tightly and he squeezed back as hard as he could, not wanting to give off the impression that he was weak. Evelyn said grace and then started passing around the food.

"Jeremiah?"

He looked up to see Evelyn holding out a bowl for him and he took it, almost fainting at the sight of the food.

"I don't like that name. I'm gonna call you Jerry" Bobby stated.

Jeremiah glared at him.

"What's wrong?"

Angel's voice startled Jerry from his thoughts and he looked up to see his younger brother staring down at him with a concerned look on his face.

"Nothing. It's nothing, I'm just…" He trailed off.

Angel took a seat beside him on the cold floor.

"It's Camille… she just…"

Angel seemed to know what he couldn't say. "You can go home you know? If you want. We understand Jerry"

He knew they did. That almost made Camille's words about them even worse. "I know, but I just need to be here right now"

Angel nodded. He felt the same way. "If you wanna talk?" He offered.

"Not right now, maybe later?" He couldn't bring himself to repeat the words his wife had said.

Angel nodded and they sat in silence for a while, both of them lost in their own thoughts.

"Are you my father?" He screamed at him, his voice breaking.

Robert laughed as if the thought amused him "Didn't you know your mother was a whore boy? You were already born a bastard when I met her, but what the fuck you know, figured I could have some use of ya, didn't know you'd turn out so fucking useless" He spat on the floor.

Bobby tried to hold back his sobs. He wouldn't cry, he couldn't.

"Ah is that tears I see? Is the little momas boy sad?" Robert mocked, swinging his bottle of beer around wildly.

He didn't want to ask, knew he wouldn't get answer, but he so desperately wanted to so he did anyway. "Who's my father?" His words were barely a whisper but Robert heard.

He laughed so hard he almost dropped the bottle on the already dirty floor, then he seemed to sober up and a furious glint entered his eyes. He swung the bottle against the counter, breaking it. Shards rained over Bobby, one of them tearing the skin at his neck. He cried out in pain, and then again when a punch to his stomach made him drop to the floor. He choked when Robert's booth made impact with his stomach.

"Your father? You don't have a father! Who the fuck would want a worthless bastard like yourself for a son anyway?"

The words hurt more than any punch ever had. He somehow managed to kick his legs out and Robert stumbled back in his drunken haze.

"Please tell me!" He choked out.

"There's nothing to tell you ya piece of shit, you wanna know who your father is huh?"

They both stopped their movements. Bobby was panting and tears stained his young face, he hadn't been able to stop them, something he knew Robert was laughing about.

"Look at you, fucking cry-baby. You wanna know who your father is huh? Gonna track him down? Beg him to take you in?" Robert laughed loudly and spat again, this time Bobby felt it on his cheek. He flinched. "Well good luck boy, how about you head down to the corner and ask around. Gonna be hard though, lots of customers to ask" At Bobby's stricken look he grinned gleefully "That's right boy. Your mother was a whore, and your daddy was one of the many paying a few dollars for a quick cheap fuck".

Bobby felt something inside him break, and he launched himself at Robert with a furious cry brought out by the deep despair that was swallowing him whole. He pounded on him with his fists, he kicked and clawed. Robert tried to fight back, swearing loudly, but it didn't matter.

That night changed Bobby's life. He was 12 years old when he killed his stepfather, the same man he once thought was his father.

**Lots of Bobby here, thought he deserved a little attention too after being asleep almost the whole story before lol. Well hope you like it and that you don't think I made Camille to horrible. I tried to see things from her perspective too. I want a little drama there. Also for some reason I didn't really feel for her character, don't know why? I actually like Sofi better despite the fact that she's a nutcase. Sofi is kind of fun, I really liked her and Bobby's scenes actually. Their mutual dislike is a riot. **


	3. Chapter 3

Sorry about the flashback not being in a different style last chapter, I had written them that way, don't know what happened? Anyway. Lucy, yeah you get the feeling that Camille is to sane for the Mercer family lol. Think you have to be at least a little bit crazy to be able to deal. I'm taking this gradually, but I have to say I can't wait to get Bobby home lol, gonna be so much fun to write about him being confined there. Yeah I'm a bit evil too. I don't own four brothers.

Sometimes when his body was too tired to go on, he slept. And when he slept, the dreams came. After the meet on the ice everything had been put on hold while they stayed at Bobby's side. Nothing had been more important than Bobby waking up. Worry and guilt had consumed him, and he'd been unable to think about anything else than him, and everything he himself had done wrong. Then Bobby woke up.

It was still all he thought about, his recovery, his worry that one day he wouldn't wake up. The nights was another thing. For as long as he could remember he had had nightmares. He had learned early on that the monsters in the closet were very real and would hurt you if they reached you.

In these dreams no monster was out to get him, it was after someone else and he was unable to stop it. He tried to avoid sleeping as much as he could, but sometimes he was unable to fight the pull and he went under.

Even these dreams weren't new to him. After he had arrived at the Mercer's and had formed a bound with them, and especially Bobby, many of his dreams had ended with Bobby dying or Bobby leaving, so that part wasn't new, but the monster was. Sometimes Bobby died in his arms outside their house in the cold snow, sometimes Sweet killed him himself and Jack was unable to stop it, couldn't reach them in time. But he always died in his arms.

Jack figured the dreams were part of his punishment. Because he knew as sure as Bobby lay sleeping in the bed next to him that it was his time that day. He should have died. He didn't know how he knew but he knew that his life would have ended that day in the white snow, if Bobby hadn't saved him.

He wished he would have died that day.

"_What are you doing?"_

_He dropped the knife in shock and spun around. The sight of his oldest brother's narrowed eyes and mouth tightly drawn together caused him to swallow hard. "Nothing. I was" He took a breath and tried to steady his voice "I was just gonna cut the ham… for dinner. Ma asked for help, with dinner". Stupid! _

"_Really?" _

_He didn't believe him. Fucking shit. He could see it in his eyes. Heard it in his voice. Why did he ever try to lie to Bobby anyway, somehow he always knew. _

"_Oh good Jack, let me help you"_

_Evelyn sweeped in, a smile on her face._

"_It's okay Ma I got it" He met Bobby's eyes, the message in his own clear. See? I wasn't lying… _

"_I'll help the little fairy Ma, I think he's a bit confused, he's staring at the knife like he's in love with the freaking thing"._

_That last part was only for Jack's ears. There was no fooling Bobby. _

He hadn't thought about it since it happened. He didn't think it was strange, or normal, or anything else, cause he didn't think about it. In his mind it wasn't important. It had been before. It had consumed him,made him burn and ache for revenge. He had burned with the need to inflict pain on someone else. But when it was done he had pushed it to the back of his mind along with everything else, cause he could only think about Bobby. He didn't think about that he had killed people, not even the fact that he had killed someone in cold blood. That was why he was shocked one night when his thoughts turned to that day on the ice. In his mind he saw Sweet before him on his knees. He remembered the feel of the gun in his hand and the sound it gave off. He rememebered Sweet's empty eyes.

He was dosing in his usual chair the first time he dreamed about it. He woke to the sound of the shot and found Angel staring at him. He was sweating and he took a deep breath and tried to will his heart to slow down. A wave of nausea hit him and he stumbled to his feet and hurried to the small bathroom in Bobby's room. He fell to his knees beside the toilet just in time to empty his stomach. When he was done he felt the hand on his back rubbing softly. He took a breath and tried to relax, tried the force the tension from his body.

Angel didn't speak, and Jack was grateful. Words hurt so much, and right now he couldn't take it. Sometimes it just hurt to damn much to even think.

_Bobby was angry. Jack was an expert in reading people, and a pissed off Bobby was kind of hard to miss. He had come home a while ago and went straight to his room. The slam of the door traveled through the house until it reached Jack and Evelyn sitting on the couch watching one of those old movies that Evelyn loved. This time it was "From here to eternity". Jack found himself liking the movie, or maybe it was just the comfort he got from sitting next to Evelyn on the couch, a blanket over their legs. _

_The slam of the door told Evelyn something was wrong and she stood and gave Jack a small smile "I'll be right back Jackie"._

_His worried eyes followed her through the room. Ten minutes passed and Evelyn didn't come back, and neither did Bobby. Jack was just debating on sneaking up when angry footsteps on the stairs alerted him to the fact that someone was coming down, Bobby, from the sound if it. He stopped in front of the door and grabbed his jacket. Jack quickly got up and moved closer to the door. Evelyn came down the stairs and grabbed a hold of Bobby's arm and Jack winced. Neither noticed him peering around the corner. _

"_Stop" Evelyn's voice was firm but Jack could hear the worry in it. He figured Bobby could too, if he wasn't to angry. "Think about this Bobby, what are you gonna do?"_

_Bobby's eyes were hard and cold, the glint in them making the brown seem almost black, but when he met Evelyn's eyes they seemed to soften, although the edge still remained. His voice was low but Jack could hear the steel in it underneath the softness he displayed now. "You know what I'm gonna do"_

"_I know. And you know I can't stop you. But please Bobby, think about this"_

"_I have!" His voice raised a little "I have to"_

"_You want to" Evelyn corrected._

_He didn't deny that. "I'm sorry". He was sorry. It was obvious to Jack in the way he watched Evelyn, but he could also see that he wasn't going to change his mind. It was set._

"_Oh Bobby" Evelyn shook her head slowly and Jack could see the sad look on her face "Don't be sorry, just listen to me. This is not going to change anything"_

"_I just can't let this go Ma! You don't understand, if I do…"_

"_What? Are they gonna think that you're weak?"_

_The silence was answer enough. _

"_What about Jack?"_

_Jack held in a gasp._

"_What about Jack?" Bobby asked._

"_Who's gonna look after him when you're in jail for murder?" This time her words were direct, like an arrow making it's way to the softest part of the human body. The part that cared._

"_I'm not going to jail Ma" _

_Jack pressed a hand against his mouth. Murder? Jail? Who was he gonna kill? He had always known that his brothers had their own moral compass, but if Bobby killed someone and went to jail… he would leave. Maybe for a long time. _

"_You don't know that, and neither do I. But what I do know is that he needs you Bobby, more than he needs me. And I want you to think about that" Evelyn released Bobby's arm and stroked his cheek lightly. "This is not just about you anymore son, you have people here who need you, now even more. I can't make you stay, or stop you from what you feel that you need to do, but I want you to think about that"._

_Evelyn moved towards the livingroom and Jack stumbled backwards and hurried towards the couch._

"_I want you to think about what's important. You know better than anyone else what these streets are like, are you willing to leave him to fend for himself here while you serve time in jail?"_

"_He has Jerry and Angel"_

_Even Jack could hear the catch in his voice, and the quiet way he spoke._

"_You know that's not the same"_

_Evelyn left him in the hallway and entered the livingroom to find Jack asleep on the couch. For a moment she had forgotten he was still downstairs and she wondered if he had heard anything. _

_Jack's heart pounded and he listened intently for the sound of the door opening. If it did he would run for it, he would beg Bobby to stay. He would. Two minutes passed with no sound. Evelyn sat still as stone next to him. The movie continued to play. _

_He kept his eyes closed when someone entered the livingroom. He knew it was Bobby from the sound his shoes gave off and the way he walked. He willed his heart to slow down. He didn't know him that well yet, he just knew that he made him feel safe, and for Jack that was all that mattered. When he took a seat between him and Evelyn Jack opened his eyes. Bobby reached over and tussled his hair. Jack didn't flinch. _

"_Whatcha watching Jackie?"_

"_From here to eternity" _

"_Ah Ma… He's already a fairy, no need to encourage it" _

_Evelyn rolled her eyes, but she was smiling. Happy. Jack thought she looked happy. "Leave your brother alone Bobby, this is one of my favorites"_

_Bobby sighed and once again reached over to tussle Jack's hair. "You'd be lost without me kid"._

I am. I'm lost Bobby. I don't know what to do anymore. It hurts so much. Jack didn't say this out loud of course. After his dream and the following reaction after it he knew he had drawn Angel's attention even more than he already had. He knew his brother meant well, but he couldn't help him with this. The only one who could wasn't able to at the moment.

Jack both dreaded and longed for the moment when Bobby would wake up again. Longed for it so he could reassure himself that he was alive, still here, but dreaded because each time he feared that he would see hatred in his brothers eyes when he looked at him. He knew Angel and Jerry didn't blame him, and he knew on some level that Bobby wouldn't hate him, but that almost made it worse. Jack knew he had let Bobby down the one time he had needed him. And it hurt.

"_Evelyn please think about this, this is not some random kid, he's a murderer"_

_Evelyn's glare would have been enough to silence the most terrifying gangleader in it's intensity. "He's just a child. I don't want to hear you talk like that. Look at him. Look at him!" She commanded, and they both looked through the window at the angry teenager sitting in the hard plastic chair. "He's just a child" She whispered, urging Sam to understand, even if his mind didn't agree._

"_He's a child that murdered his father Evelyn" Sam responded sadly "And that's not even the end of it. He's done a lot more since that happened. Trust me, this kid is too far gone, I know you want to help him and I admire you for it, but kids like him… They can't be saved. Look at where we are, what does this tell you? This is juvie Evelyn"_

"_I know exactly where we are Sam and you're wrong" Evelyn was convinced. She wanted to help him. She had to._

_Sam sighed. He cared deeply about Evelyn, and even though he knew she would never return his affection he couldn't help but look out for her. "Is there no one else? Maybe some emergency placement?"_

"_There's no one else. He dosen't need placement Sam. He needs a home"._

_She didn't wait for him to answer her before she opened the door and closed it behind her. She noticed the way he straightened in the chair, realizing he was not alone in the room anymore. She wondered if he had to fight the urge to turn around to see who was there. She walked slowly in a wide circle around him and took a seat in front of him. She wanted to sit closer, but she could tell he wasn't ready for that and would most likely strike out if pushed. His eyes met hers and for a moment she was overwhelmed by the anger she saw there. Her heart ached when she thought of the pain which lay behind it. She pushed the thoughts away. That had been before, it was different now. Now, he had her. If he wanted to. _

"_Bobby. I'm Evelyn Mercer" _

_Angry brown eyes glared at smiling blue ones. _

"Jack"

"Bobby" He said his name on a breath, like a prayer answered for the lost and lonely.

Bobby tried to move and stopped when the pain made itself known "Oh Fuck…"

"Don't move, you're hurt really bad Bobby" He swallowed hard and rested his hand against his brothers arm.

To Jack's surprise he stopped moving but his eyes kept glancing around worriedly. Jack wondered what he was looking for.

"I am? Yeah I know, I feel it but I don't know…"

"I know"

Moment of truth Jack. Trust him, trust that he wont hate you, wont blame you forever or for the rest of your life. However long or short it might be.

"What happened?"

And there it was. The one question Jack never wanted to answer. The one question whose answer made him want to cry and scream and beg for forgiveness. The one question whose answer could break him so easily.

"It's my fault" The tortured whisper seemed to reach Bobby before Jack even knew he had spoken.

"What are ya talking about?"

"I'm the reason you're in here" He closed his eyes and waited.

It was quiet for a few seconds and Jack dared to look up. He met his oldest brothers eyes and in them he saw everything play out like a movie. He knew his own were reflecting the same. Bobby's trembling finger's reached for Jack's shoulder, the bandage not visible.

"I'm fine"

"You were shot"

"You saved me" Please don't hate me.

Bobby was quiet as he felt around his own chest. Now he knew why he had been so worried about Jack every time he had some ability to form thoughts. He remembered the dream. Except it wasn't a dream, it was reality. Jack had been shot in front of their house and he had watched it happen. He had watched his little brother stand on his knees in the middle of the street, waiting for death, just a few feet away from them. He remembered the panic when he realized that Jack was gone, remembered the overwhelming fear when the shot rang out, but most of all he remembered the pain he felt when he thought he wouldn't reach him in time. In those few seconds it took to reach him he thought he would have to watch his little brother die in front of him. He remembered his little brother begging him to stay with his eyes.

Memories were floating around and he couldn't grasp them all, but one stood out. "Sweet?"

Snow. Ice. Blood. Empty eyes staring up at the sky. "He's dead"

Bobby let out a sigh of relief "Is…"

"It's over" Jack cut him off. And it was. Over and done with.

Bobby nodded. He tried to focus on Jack's face but he once again felt sleep try to pull him away. He wanted to stay, they needed to talk, but he couldn't fight it and soon his eyes were once again closed.

"I'm sorry Bobby"

But Bobby didn't hear the quiet whisper.

"_I need your help"._

_Bobby looked up from his coffee surprised. Evelyn usually didn't ask him for much, and if she did it was about something around the house that needed fixing, but the tone of her voice told him that it was something more serious than that. He didn't speak, choosing to wait for Evelyn to tell him what it was she needed. He knew he would help her whatever it was. _

"_There's a boy coming" She looked at him, hoping that she was right, that this would be good for him too. That it would bring out the young man she could see behind all that anger. "His name is Jeremiah. He's been in the system for a long time, just like you"._

_Bobby took this in. Another boy in the house. Part of him felt kind of happy, he'd always wanted a brother, another part was worried though he would never admit it. He had no delusions about himself, he knew what he was, and if this boy was the same… He could take care of himself, but despite himself he cared about Evelyn and he already knew that he would protect her no matter what. He didn't question her though, she was tough and most likely knew what she was doing. "What do you need me to do?"_

**A little more Bobby, I'm finding his character very complex to write, but it's also very interesting. He's still very out of it and not in his usual jolly mood, lol. I actually can hardly wait to write that, I like his attitude. Well I can hardly wait to write at all cause I'm having so much fun with this!**


	4. Chapter 4

Ever wondered what caused the special connection between Bobby and Evelyn? Here's my take on it. This is a flashback chapter that I'm excited to write as the idea is stuck in my head. I don't own four brothers.

_There are moments in life that defines us. Moments that are so huge that they change who you are. In some cases they make you become the person you always wanted to be. These moments can make you step up, or down, depending on how bad you want it, depending on who you want to be. That was what happened one night when Evelyn didn't come home from work. _

_When Evelyn didn't come home after work he didn't worry. She sometimes worked late, even though she had cut dowm on the hours since she adopted him. But when the hours passed he started to wonder, she had never been this late before. He called the number she had left on the fridge for him, in case he needed something she had said. He talked to someone at her office who said that she had been called away on an emergency. That wasn't strange, Bobby knew 'emergencies' happened frequently, but it felt wrong. After the years he had spent looking after himself he had developed a kind of sixth sense. It was a form of survival really, to trust yourself enough to know when shit was about to go down. This feeling in his stomach was usually an indication that he needed to get the fuck out of there, but this time it was different. _

_He called her office again, claiming an emergency and that he had to get a hold of Evelyn straight away. He was in luck. The woman he was talking too knew the rules and didn't want to tell him anything, but he managed to convince her that it was exstremely urgent. A part of him scoffed at the social workers, no wonder so many kids ended up dead while in their care, but for the first time their incompetence worked in his favor. After promising to wait outside the house for Evelyn and not the enter the building he hung up and didn't hesitate to grab Evelyn's car keys. He didn't have his license yet but that didn't matter. He'd known how to drive since he was 12._

_As luck would have it Evelyn had gotten a ride to work this morning with Sam. His lips pulled up slightly when he thought of the older man and his crush on Evelyn. At first he'd been exstremely hostile towards the older man, not knowing his intentions and not wanting to see Evelyn hurt, but as time had passed he had come to realize that he only wanted what was best for her, and that was something Bobby could relate to. _

_Driving down the street he looked at the note with the adress scribbled down on it. He knew the area fairly well and he didn't have any problem finding the house. Sam's car was parked outside and he debated on whether to park behind it or down the street. His instincts screamed at him to be careful and he knew better than to ignore them, so he parked around the corner and made his way to the house on foot. He ignored the door and instead opted for the window. Looking inside he didn't see anything, and with a sigh of frustration he realized that the other windows were too high up. That left the door. _

_The door slid open without any noise and he didn't hesitate before he quickly slid inside. The door clicked shut behind him. He looked around and took in the shit that was on every available surface. Yeah this was no dream house that's for sure. A sound made him freeze and he listened intently. It was Evelyn, but her voice sounded like nothing he had ever heard before. He walked as quickly as he dared towards her voice, stopping outside a room. The door was open and with a carefulness he didn't know he possessed he looked around the corner. What he saw shocked him. Not because he hadn't seen things like that before, but because despite the fact that he was always prepared for the worst, he wasn't prepared to see a kid laying on the floor covered in stab wounds. He was dead. Bobby knew that from one look at him and he shifted his eyes to Evelyn. She seemed to be unharmed. His blood boiled when he saw the teartracks on her cheeks. Next to her was Sam who also seemed to be unharmed, other than the fact that he was visibly shook up. Bobby didn't blame him, it wasn't everyday you saw a kid who had been stabbed to death. If you didn't live on the streets of course, then that sight was almost everyday, in various forms. _

_His eyes turned to the man he had noticed straight away when he looked into the room. A closer look told him what he already suspected. He was high, or drunk. And he was holding a knife in his hand. He heard Evelyn's soft voice try to reason with him, but he could already tell it wasn't going to work. He was too far gone in his own world. _

_Bobby tried to calculate the distance between them. Would he be fast enough so that he didn't have time to strike out at Evelyn? _

_The same time he moved so did Sam. He had come to the same conclusion Bobby had, and decided that he had to act before the man did. It all seemed to move in slow motion then. Sam jumped forward and being closer to the man than Bobby was he reached him first. Sam wasn't young anymore and he didn't move fast enough. Only a few seconds had gone by since Bobby first looked into the room but later he would still wonder if he could have been faster, if he could have changed what happened. He reached them a few seconds after Sam had charged but that was all it took. He heard the gasp Evelyn let out, heard the groan Sam gave off and he saw the knife make it's way into Sam's stomach. _

_He let instinct guide him and his fists flew. He more felt than heard the crunch beneath his hands when something broke underneath them. The rage boiled over and his arms kept moving and it felt like déjà vu. He had been here before, but this time he wasn't fighting for himself. He kept hitting long after the body underneath him had stilled, kept trying to get back to it even after the paramedics tried to drag him away. The sound of Evelyn's voice finally got through to him and he allowed himself to be lifted off the body underneath him. He was restrained and handed off to a cop while the paramedics worked on the man who had killed his own child in a fit of rage. _

_His black eyes left them to look over at Evelyn who was crying silently next to the still body of Sam. The hand one of the paramedics placed on Evelyn's shoulder told Bobby he was gone. The phone on the floor next to her, now laying in a pool of Sam's blood told him that she had been the one to call 911. _

_She looked up and met his eyes. She got up on shaking knees and paying no attention to the blood her hands was covered in she walked over and told the cop holding him to release him. After a moments hesiatation he did so, and Bobby waited, unsure of what was going to come now. Evelyn fell against him, and he caught her. _

_Later that night he heard her cry softly. They had finally gotten home. He had driven them in her car, she hadn't questioned it. He found her sitting on the couch, her hands on her face and a crushed look in her eyes. The heart he wasn't sure he had clenched painfully at the sight. He wasn't sure what to do, this wasn't something he was used to handling, but he knew there was no one else. And he wanted to help her, like she had helped him. _

_Evelyn would never know how much it took for him to sit next to her on the couch. He wasn't that kind of guy, he hadn't been for a long time, but for her he could try. He was so unsure when he reached his arm out and placed it around her, but when she leaned against him his confidence grew. She sobbed and he continued to hold her. _

"_That poor boy… And Sam…" The whisper tugged at his heart, the tears in her voice causing his blood to boil again but he tried to push it down._

"_I tried" In a way it felt like he had failed her and it was reflected in his own whisper against her head. _

"_I know you did honey. It's not your fault, you have to know that. I just, I just don't see the point, what is the point of all this pain, all this suffering, all that boy went through"._

_In a broken voice she told him about how they had gotten a call that something wasn't right in that home and how she had decided to go straight away, and how Sam wouldn't let her go alone. There was no suspicion of anything more serious so they didn't contact the police for an escort there. It was a simple check up. When they arrived the man had invited them in, they had both hesitated, seeing that the man was drunk, but the welfare of the child had prompted them to search for him. When they found him he was already dead. _

"_Does it even matter? We try so hard to help, but it's just so much evil…"_

_Bobby had been silent but now he spoke. He wanted her to know that she mattered, that her work mattered. That he had never met anyone so good and so caring as her. He wanted her to know that he thought she was a saint, an angel straight from heaven. But he wasn't ready to voice all that yet. "It mattered to me"._

_She looked at him then, and he saw something he had never seen when anyone looked at him before. Pride. She was proud of him? Was she really?_

_She didn't answer, instead she hugged him like he had given her a meaning again. Like he had reminded her just what she could do. He tensed a little bit at the touch but soon relaxed._

"_Thank you Bobby"_

"_For what?" _

"_For reminding me" She looked up at him, that motherly look of love in her eyes "and for saving me"._

_The words were like cooling balm on a burn. Maybe for the first time ever Bobby felt proud, like he'd finally done something right. Like he had finally begun to pay her back for everything she had done for him. Slightly incomfortable with the closeness he nudged her lightly with his elbow and smiled at her. "I'll always save ya"._

**Uh uh I feel sad just writing the end to this. Anyway I wanted to show some of what made Bobby and Evelyn grow so close. Evelyn is kind of out of character I think, but I think that working with what she did you sometimes have doubts and feel like you're not making a difference. Especially after something so meaningless. According to me this was the moment where Bobby started to grow into his role. Hope you liked it!**


	5. Chapter 5

**Sorry for the wait! I hope you're ready for some bad Bobby! Just kidding lol, or not. I don't own four brothers.**

"Get that fucking thing away from me ya dweeb! Jerry what the hell is this?"

Yeah, Bobby had slowly gotten better, and the better he got, the worse his mood got. He was now awake most of the time and in true Bobby Mercer fashion demanded to be released if they didn't have enough to hold him on. Thinking back to Bobby's doctor explaining to Bobby that he shouldn't see the hospital as jail he rubbed a hand over his eyes. That seemed to be happening a lot lately.

Despite Bobby's protets the male nurse managed to stick him with the needle. He then quickly left the room.

"Bobby"

Bobby glared at the doctor. "What?"

"You have to trust that we know what we're doing here" At this Bobby scoffed, which the doc ignored "and you will get better faster if you just take it easy. You have to understand that you've been shot, several times. Your body needs to heal"

"What I need is to go home" Bobby cut in. He looked over at Jerry "Where's Jack?"

Jack was not far away. He was actually sitting outside Bobby's room on the floor. Each day Bobby grew stronger, and Jack was grateful. Each day he waited for the questions to start. So far they had all managed to keep Bobby out of the loop as to what really happened that day with Sweet, but Jack knew it was only a matter of time before he wanted details. He suspected that Bobby thought that Angel had killed Sweet, he was the obvious choice. The only reason it had worked so far was because Bobby had been to doped up to string that many sentences together.

"Jack" Jack looked up at the sound of Jerry calling his name "Can you talk to him?"

Jack got up and was about to walk past him inside the room when Jerry's hand on his arm stopped him.

"We need to talk later" His voice was hushed. Jerry obviosly didn't want Bobby to hear.

Jack nodded and entered Bobby's room just in time to find him flinging a newspaper across the room.

"Jack! Maybe you can talk some sense into your brother!" Bobby's doctor exclaimed.

The doc obviously thought Jack was some kind of miracle worker. "I'll try". He kept his eyes on Bobby as he sat down in his usual chair. He didn't have to wait long until Bobby spoke.

"I want to be released"

"I saw you flinch when you threw that newspaper just now" Jack countered.

"So?"

Jack silently observed his brother. He took in the angry eyes, the pain underneath the anger and the way he flinched everytime he moved. It hurt so much to see him like this. It was like a knife straight to the heart. Or a bullet. "You're not well Bobby". His words were quiet, almost like a whisper, but Bobby heard them loud and clear.

"I can rest at home" His stubborness was still present, but he didn't sound as angry anymore.

"You wont. We both know that"

He could see Bobby was about to argue so he quickly continued, his voice low and full of pain he didn't have to fake. "Please Bobby. For me" He tried to push down the voice screaming at him that he didn't have the right to ask him for anything, he never had, and especially not now.

The fight left Bobby at the sound of Jack's softly spoken words. He suspected that Jack knew exactly what he was doing when he used that tone. Jack very rarely asked for something, and the few times he did Bobby had never been able to refuse him. "Fine".

He watched as his little brother exhaled in relief. But he didn't look happy. Well okay, that was not that unusual for Jack, but as he watched him Bobby was suddenly struck with the feeling that something was wrong. He didn't question the feeling, it had never led him wrong before, and when it came to Jack one had to rely on instincts, since he rarely told anyone what he was feeling. Since he woke up his mind had been slow, most likely because of the drugs they got him on, and he hadn't been able to focus, but now he forced his mind to concentrate. He thought about his conversations with Jack since he woke up, they had seemed normal, but he couldn't even remember all of them so it was hard to tell. Studying him now he saw the dark circles under his eyes, the haunted look in his eyes, and the way his hands lightly shook when he took a sip of the coffee from the cup on his bedside table. Bobby knew the coffee was cold, Jerry had left it there more than an hour ago, but Jack didn't react. He looked him over slowly. He wore long sleeves so it was impossible to see his bare arms. It could be nothing Bobby mused. Jack often wore long sleeves in public. But he couldn't shake the feeling that something was wrong. Feeling watched he dragged his eyes from Jack's arms and looked up to meet his eyes, a question in his own.

Jack watched as Bobby studied his arms intently. He knew. He didn't know how, but then Bobby had always seemed to know when something was wrong. He didn't know what yet, but he was suspicious, and that was almost as bad. Bobby met his eyes and Jack felt the panic start to overwhelm him.

"Jack" Jack jumped at the sound of Jerry's voice. When had he returned? "Can I talk to you for a sec?"

Breaking his staredown with Bobby, Jack quickly got to his feet. "Sure"

"No need to leave, you can talk in here Jer" Bobby spoke up, and watched as Jack tensed. "I want to catch up with my brothers" He shifted his eyes to Jerry and met his calm gaze. That didn't mean anything, Jerry was good at masking his thoughts. Many people saw him as the 'good Mercer', and he was the one who had cleaned up his act the most, but once upon a time he had tricked people out of their money as easily as others shopped for groceries.

"The doc wants to talk to you again Bobby" He stated calmly.

Jack looked around in confusion, had the doctor left when Jerry did? Get a grip Jack, he told himself. "See you later Bobby" he walked towards the door without looking at his oldest brother.

"Jack"

He stopped when Bobby called out his name. "You'll be back later?"

Jack swallowed "Yeah"

Bobby nodded "Good"

The doc entered with a small smile on his face when they left, confident that Bobby was now a bit calmer.

Jack, Jerry and Angel were gathered around a table in the cafeteria. Jack was busy tearing a napkin to pieces while Angel was eating pie.

"We need to tell him" Jerry stated.

Jack's hands stilled. Angel stopped chewing.

"Bad idea" Angel looked at Jerry "He's going to flip"

"He's going to find out anyway" Jerry tried to reason "He knows somethings up, I know he does"

"Yeah, but what if he throws a fit and I don't know, rips his stitches or something"

"He's only going to get angrier if we hide it from him" Jerry pointed out, trying to be the voice of reason. "and here they can calm him down with drugs".

"Good point"

"Jack, what do you think?" Jerry turned to his youngest brother who was staring a hole through the table.

Jack had been quiet until now. The panic was still lingering and making him nervous. He hated how this made him feel, like he'd done something wrong. He hadn't. He had only protected his family, just like Bobby would have done. There was nothing wrong with that.

"I think you're making to big a deal about this" He lowered his voice "Sweet is dead. It's what we all wanted. It's over. End of story" In his mind dead empty eyes stared back at him.

Jerry and Angel exchanged a look and Jack's temper flared "Stop that. Stop looking at each other like that"

"Jack..." Jerry started, his tone grating on Jack's nerves.

"Stop. It's over, why can't you just be happy that it is?"

"You don't have to act like it dosen't affect you Jack" Angel countered

"I'm not pretending Angel, maybe I'm just not the innocent little brother you always pictured me as". Jack pushed back his chair and ignoring the calls from his brothers he left the cafeteria and the hospital. He walked quickly along the street, he didn't know where he was going, he just needed to get away.

"Where's Jack?"

"He had to step out for a bit" Jerry and Angel took a seat next to Bobby's bed.

"Really?" Bobby was not convinced.

"Yeah. What did the doctor say?" Angel tried to change the subject.

Bobby wasn't stupid. He knew what they were doing, but he played along for now. "He said that if I behave I should be able to go home in maybe a week"

Real smiles appaered on his brothers faces. "That's really good news Bobby" Jerry beamed. "What more did he say?"

"Some shit about training and taking it easy"

"Oh don't you worry, we'll have you up and running in no time" Angel laughed.

"Oh please, I could still run circles around you pretty boy" Bobby huffed.

"Right" Angel scoffed, but there was a smile on his face.

"Well I'm glad you're here" Bobby's tone turned serious "cause we need to talk"

He felt like he had walked for miles, and maybe he had. He was a bit surprised when he lifted his eyes to look at the cemetery. He hadn't been here since Evelyn's funeral. He probably wouldn't have come here even if he hadn't been busy chasing down killers and getting shot. He just didn't believe that she was here anyway. Her body was, but not her. He entered anyway, his steps leading him to her grave, knowing exactly where it was despite only having been there once.

There were fresh flowers next to her stone. It didn't surprise him. Evelyn was a woman loved by everyone who met her. Maybe they were from her boyfriend? Lover? Whatever her attorney had been to her Jack couldn't help but wonder why she hadn't told them about him. Jack let out a sad laugh at the thought of Evelyn introducing her boyfriend over dinner with all of them. Yeah, that would have been a sight. The laugh ended on a broken sob and he slowly fell to his knees in front of the stone that was the last reminder that she had been here, that she had existed. He slowly reached out and touched the letters that said it all, and at the same time nothing. He traced the letters slowly, the cold stone somehow feeling warm against his own cold body. "I'm sorry Ma".

Angel and Jerry slowly walked down the hallway away from Bobby's room.

"We're going to regret that" Jerry spoke somberly.

"It was the right thing to do" Angel said.

A presence behind him made Jack tense and he started to get up when a voice stopped him.

"She loved you all so much"

Jack relaxed, but he stood anyway and turned to look at his mothers boyfriend. "I know"

The older man smiled and stepped forward, leaning down to place the white roses he had in his hand next to the other flowers. He traced to letters on the stone much like Jack himself had done before turning back to Jack.

"I heard about what happened. I wanted to visit, but I wasn't sure if you wanted me to"

"It's fine. You don't know us, you don't owe us anything"

"I feel like I do. Your Evelyn's sons, and she loved you, and I loved her, so so much"

Jack felt awkward watching the tears form in the old mans eyes. "Yeah well, it's been crazy so it was probably best you stayed away"

"I heard Victor Sweet's body was found"

Jack tensed. "Yeah I heard" It was afterall the reason the cops had brought him and his brothers in.

The other man studied him slowly. "You don't have to tell me if you don't want to"

"You're a lawyer" Jack stated as explaination.

The older man nodded, accepting this. "Evelyn told me you're a rockstar?"

Jack laughed a little "I guess. If you can call it that"

"Anything I would like?"

"Probably not" Jack smiled ruefully.

He laughed "Yes, probably not" He turned to leave but stopped "Will you..." he hesitated "Will you let me know if you need anything?"

Jack watched him, a curious look in his eyes. He seemed honest enough, still, trusting people wasn't something he was good at. "Sure".

The older man gave him a sad smile, as if he knew exactly what Jack was thinking, before giving him a nod and leaving Jack alone once again.

Angel watched as Bobby slept. Jack hadn't returned yet and he was starting to worry. For the hundreth time since that afternoon he wondered if they had made the right choice.

"_Well I'm glad you're here" Bobby's tone turned serious "cause we need to talk"_

"_About?" Jerry asked._

"_About Victor Sweet" Bobby's voice was hard, he wanted answers and he wanted them now._

"_What about him?" Angel tried to act calm even though his insides were jumping more than they should considering he was an ex-marine and this was just his brother. His brother who had a mean right hook and a deep desire to protect their youngest brother he corrected himself._

"_Don't fuck with me Angel" Bobby's tone didn't leave room for argument "I want to know how he died, what happened, and why my youngest brother is acting like he does". _

"_How's Jack acting?" Jerry cut in._

_Bobby's sneer told them it was pointless. He smelled blood and he wouldn't stop until he found the wound. _

"_I killed him" Angel's words made Bobby look at him. "I shot him. We made a deal with Evan and the rest of the guys, they got the money from Ma's insurance in exchange for turning on Sweet. Sweet killed Evan to get back at us. Then I shot him, and the guys dumped him in the river"_

"_I killed Fowler, he was in on it" Jerry spoke up._

_They explained how Green had told them about Fowler, about how Green had been killed, how Fowler had surprised them in the house, leaving out Jack's scheming and torturing, they told the story about how Fowler's house went up in flames. A smile formed on Bobby's lips at that. _

_When they stopped talking they watched Bobby carefully._

"_And Jack?"_

"_Jack's been taking this really hard Bobby... He.." Jerry cleared his throat that was dry as sandpaper "He had another breakdown"_

_Bobby's eyes clouded over at this and Jerry felt terrible. It felt so wrong to use Bobby's worry for Jack like this, but what other choice did they have. Bobby was still fragile, even if he didn't believe himself to be, they had to make sure he got better. He couldn't know what had happened that day, not now, maybe not ever. They knew their brother well enough to know that it would devastate him. This was not the time. If they told him the truth he would flip, and they were not willing to risk his health. They knew that if and when he found out about their lie he would be angry. More than angry, he would be furious. But he would be alive. And that was what mattered right now. _

**Well soon Bobby can go home and we can leave this awful hospital. As for the lie, do you think they made the right choice? Or will it come back to bite them in the ass?**


	6. Chapter 6

**Finished another exam yesterday, really hoping I passed since it was so boring (nothing like writing four brothers fics). Anyway I'm really excited about this chapter, I hope you'll like it too. I don't own four brothers, or the song.**

"You comfortable? Need anything?"

Jack was seated in his chair next to Bobby's bed. Bobby's leftover dinner was still standing on the table text to him. It was meatloaf, or so the nurse had said. Bobby had offered to show her a picture of how it should look. She had left after that, after throwing Bobby a look that spoke volumes.

Bobby didn't immediately answer, choosing instead to stare out the window, a troubled look in his eyes that Jack had no trouble reading. He had know all afternoon that Bobby wanted to talk. Hell, even if he hadn't known what Angel and Jerry had done he would have known simply by being in the same room as his oldest brother. He knew him well enough to know that he didn't know how to approach the matter at hand. Finally he turned to look at Jack, meeting his gaze.

"Maybe I should ask you that?"

"_He's going to find out. He always know when I lie" Jack stated matter of factly._

"_He's hurt, tired. We explained what happened, he has no reason to doubt us" Jerry countered._

"_Yeah, why would his brothers ever lie to him" Angel's voice held a trace of guilt. The same guilt they all felt._

"_We had too. If he knew... there's no telling what he'll do"_

_Angel knew Jerry was right._

"_You're making too big a deal out of this. I killed him. I don't regret it, not for one second and I never will" Jack spat. He was tired of them acting like this, acting like it was such a big deal, just because he had been the one. He tried to ignore the part of him that was happy that Bobby didn't know, because he knew just as well as his brothers did how Bobby would react. And he didn't want to see it, and he sure as hell didn't want to be there when he found out. Cause he would. He always did, and then he would not only be furious about the truth, but the lie too. _

"_Jack, calm down" Angel placed a hand on his shoulder._

_He took a deep breath, this wasn't his brothers fault. "I'm sorry. I'm just worried about him"_

"_I know. I..." Angel stopped as if weighing his words carefully "Can we talk, later?"_

"_Sure"_

_For some reason Jerry seemed happy with his response. What were they up to now... They had been talking quietly and whispering. They didn't think he noticed. He did. It was what he did after all, observe his surroundings. Basic survival instinct didn't leave your body just because you were safe now. It never really went away. _

"This isin't about me"

Bobby watched his little brother. There was something different about him. Even now he felt like he was missing something. Maybe it was because of his breakdown, and the fact that he hadn't told him about it himself yet. Bobby understood why he hadn't, still he wanted to know these things. Had to know, how else was he gonna fix it...

"What's it about then?" When Jack didn't answer he continued "Me? I'm fine Jackie. I'm gonna live"

"Don't. Don't joke. Not about this"

Jack's softly spoken words had a hint of steel beneath them. Bobby frowned. Well fuck this shit then. He was done tip toeing around like some fucking ballerina.

"Fine. Something you wanna tell me about?" Jack averted his gaze, frustrating Bobby further "Really Jack? Are we gonna do this again?"

"Do what?"

"You know what, the staring at the wall, not answering... You know I'm not gonna stop til you tell me so you better get started fairy"

Just as Bobby was about to snap, his frustration boiling over, Jack spoke.

"You already know so whats the big deal"

"I want you to tell me"

Of course you do... "I didn't handle everything... very good..." Understatement of the year Jack thought, flashes of red and white like slides before his eyes. Bobby nodded and waited for him to continue. "I... when you were... you were just laying there, I thought you were gone, and not gone like a few months with the team, but gone, for good"

Bobby's eyes softened a little at hearing his little brother speak with that soft voice he used to have all the time when they were younger. "It's okay Jack"

"No. No it's not. It was my fault, I was so stupid" He shook his head, regret and shame coloring his words "I ran out in the middle of the street because a guy threw a snowball at me and..." He trailed of, unsure if he should continue but at his brothers nod he did. "and because he called Ma a whore".

Bobby's eyes clouded over at the mention of Evelyn. They had all loved her the same, but Bobby had known her the longest. Neither one of his brothers knew exactly everything that had happened before Jerry and the rest of them showed up, but they knew what she meant to him. And Evelyn always called him when she needed help with bigger things. He suspected it was because she knew better than anyone else how much he really wanted to be needed, how good it made him feel. He knew as soon as he woke up from his coma and was slightly coherent again, that she was gone. He felt it. Everything else, except for the fact that something had happened with Jack, was blurry, but he felt the missing part. And he had mourned her again, because waking up it felt like she had left him all over again.

He focused on Jack again, meeting his blue eyes that looked so tired. "That's why you chased that guy?"

Jack nodded, forcing himself to hold Bobby's gaze. He owed him that much at least.

"I would have done the same"

Bobby's words were like a band aid on his heart. It still hurt, but the bleeding slowed a little.

"Why did you do it Bobby?"

Bobby looked as lost as Jack felt "What?"

And it was like time slowed. The constant noises in the hospital were only a dull noise and when he tried to breathe he had to force the air down. "Why did you throw yourself over me? Why did you save me?"

The slap to the back of his head was unexpected but it shouldn't have been "Jesus, you have really lost your mind haven't you Cracker Jack?"

Angel walked in to the sound of Bobby mumbling about stupid ass fairies and Jack rubbing the back of his head. "Hey" He spotted the meatloaf and holding the plate to his nose he sniffed it, immediately putting it back down, further away from him at the same time as the nurse from before came to collect it. She glared at Angel while Bobby grinned at her.

"Told ya. If Angel dosen't want it then it's fucking bad. He'll eat anything, I mean just look at Sofi, he's..."

"BOBBY!"

"_BOBBY! What the fuck is wrong with you man? Ya could have killed us! Man..."_

"_Calm down Jer, just taking a detour, they have some of the best burgers here"_

"_You didn't think to signal before you turned? Or wait until the coast was clear?"_

"_Oh please, I was driving while you were still a distant thought in your daddy's dick"_

"_Ass"_

_The Mercer brothers had been on a small roadtrip while getting some of Bobby's stuff from one of his friends. The friend hadn't been home, which was exactly how Bobby had planned it. He wasn't his friend either, and yeah okay, the stuff wasn't entirely his, but Bobby figured he owed him. _

"_Here it is. Jack wake up"_

_Jack raised his head, looking sleepy "We home?"_

"_Nah, we're in some hellhole in form of a hickey town, Bobby wants food" Angel grinned, Jack wasn't sure why._

_They all got out of the car after some protests from Jerry and Jack. Jerry wanted to get home and Jack wanted to sleep. They stopped to look at the bar to which Bobby pointed. It looked more like a shed to Jack. A bright red sign told them the name of the place was Dan's. _

"_I've got a bad feeling about this" Jack mumbled as they all followed Bobby in through the door._

"How do you feel?"

"I don't know. How am I supposed to feel?"

Angel and Jack had left Bobby's room when the doctor asked to speak with him. They were now seated at a bench that had very suspicious spots on it. Jack sipped at his coffee, it was almost hot enough for the warmth to spread through his frozen body. He couldn't really remember ever getting warm since that day in the snow.

"Talk to me Jack"

"There's really nothing to say Angel, I'm fine"

Jack's standard answer was fine, which meant he could be everything but fine. "I know you're not. Look man, I know what you're going through"

"Really?" Jack couldn't stop his voice from sounding slightly bitter.

"Yeah. I have killed people too, you know I have. You have been there. But that's not even the worst of it"

"You think it's about Sweet?" Jack spit out the name as if he had tasted something nasty.

"Isin't it?" Angel asked calmly, not taking his eyes off Jack's face. "Tell me you don't see him when you close your eyes". Jack's silence was his answer. Angel sighed and leaned forward, looking down at the floor he wondered how they all ended up in this mess.

He tried another approach. "I was kind of impressed with how you tricked me with Fowler. Pissed off, but impressed".

Now it was Jack's turn to stare at the floor. Angel looked down at the blonde hair decorating his head. It reminded him of when they were younger and Jack refused to meet anyones eyes. In some ways and despite their best efforts, Jack was still that scared young kid. But he had also changed right before their eyes, now Angel felt like he was sometimes wondering who the man in his little brother was. He reached out and placed his hand on his shoulder.

"We didn't want this for you"

"_Shit Jack! Come and look at this!"_

_Angel's voice was full of excitement and Jack hurried over to his place by the backdoor. He reached for the handle but Angel stopped him "No way kiddo, it's better to stay here when Ma and Jerry come" his smile was wide and Jack found himself smiling back as he tried to peek out the window. He hadn't started his grow spurth yet so he couldn't quite see outside. Angel noticed him struggle and lifted him, careful not to scare him. It was no problem, the kid was skinny as hell._

_Jack finally saw what had Angel in such a good mood. In their backyard, over by one of the trees stood Bobby, but he wasn't what caught Jack's attention. It was Jerry's treehouse, and it was on fire. Like really on fire, the whole thing was covered in flames. Jack let out gasp. "Why did he do that?" He just knew that Bobby had lit it on purpose. _

_Angel shrugged and cackled. "He's Bobby"_

_No more than two minutes later yelling was heard and the boys took in the sight of Jerry rounding the corner in a full sprint. Angel whooped loudly and almost dropped Jack in the process "Sorry" _

"_What's he gonna do?" Jack asked with big eyes as Jerry came to a step a few feet away from the burning treehouse. _

"_Dunno. Bite his ass" Angel laughed loudly which caught Jerry's attention and he quickly ducked down with Jack out of sight. Meeting Jack's big blue eyes he whispered "We don't want him to think we were in on it"_

_Jack shook his head. He really didn't want Jerry to think that. _

_Angel straightened up just as Jerry grabbed onto Bobby's shirt and Evelyn rounded the corner. Bobby's laughter was loud enough to reach Angel and Jack. Angel opened the door a little._

"_Oh come on Jer, it's just a treehouse, what? You gonna cry?"_

Angel had gone back to Bobby's room to hear what the doc had to say, Jack had stayed behind, claiming that he needed some time by himself. Angel had hesitated but had left after a hard squeeze to Jack's shoulder. His chest felt to tight, almost like he couldn't breathe, and he was reminded of that day again. It had been hard to breathe then too. He got to his feet and stumbled down the hallway, like the day before having no clue as to where he was going, he just knew that he needed to get away.

It was almost like yesterday when he ended up at the graveyard but this time he found himself outside the hospital chapel. He entered without thought, relieved when he found that he was alone. He was half surprised he was allowed to enter. Looking around he wondered if something would happen, what he didn't know. He touched the rosary around his neck. The same one he had worn when he got shot, the one he had worn ever since, to afraid to let go of it.

He didn't even know what he was doing here. He hadn't been to a church during his time in New York, hadn't been to one since he left Detroit. Except for Evelyn's funeral. He took a seat in the front and glanced up at the cross. Being here made him think of Evelyn, as if she could see him now. Oh how disappointed she must be if she could.

"I had to..." His tortured whisper was the only sound in the otherwise quiet chapel. He could almost hear the words she had spoken to Bobby so long ago now..._ "I have to" "You want to". You wanted to... _

He knew it was true. He had wanted to kill Sweet so bad he could taste it. The taste of blood and revenge had burned in his blood like nothing else, and he knew no one could have stopped from killing him. Because he would never have stopped until he was dead.

"_You're a good boy Jackie, I just know it" Evelyn smiled sweetly._

"_How do you know?" Jack asked, his voice unsure and that of an insecure child._

"_I just do. I see your soul Jack, and it's glowing" Evelyn put her hand on top of his, not letting on that she felt him tense "Trust me Jackie, you're good, you could never be anything else"_

_Jack had been told he was no good and wortless so many times he didn't really believe it. Oh but he wanted to, he wanted to so badly. _

"Guess you were wrong Ma..."

No answer came. Not that he had expected it. Evelyn was dead and buried. She couldn't hear him. Couldn't help him.

"She wasn't wrong. She never was"

The answer came from behind him and the voice made him tense and turn around fast. The sight made him both angry and shocked. Angry cause he was surprised. Shocked, because Bobby had managed to escape his other two brothers. While he was still to stunned to speak Bobby limped forward and took a seat next to him. He held his breath as he sat down, wincing slightly.

_Hit me like a ray of sun  
>Burning through my darkest night <em>

"You shouldn't be here"

"You shouldn't either" Bobby shot back.

"Yeah? Why's that?" Jack hated that he sounded like a bratty younger brother.

"Cause you're only here when you're beating yourself up about something. Though what it could be about this time is beyond me. So talk to me, what are you feeling guilty about now?"

"I'm surprised you could even enter" Jack countered, trying to change the subjct, knowing it wouldn't work, but maybe someone would notice that Bobby was missing.

"Yeah I know, half expected to drop the second I set a foot inside" Bobby chuckled.

"Still you couldn't help yourself" Jack's voice was now resigned.

"Not when I saw that sparkly halo that is my little brothers hair shining up the front row"

Jack's laugh stuck in his throat and came out more as a sob "My soul's too dark to carry a halo"

Bobby took this in with a calm look on his face, understanding shining in his brown eyes when he looked at his little brothers broken face "Still you shine brighter than all of us"

It was such an un-Bobby thing to say, but Jack was grateful. Grateful that his oldest brother still thought good of him. That's just cause he dosen't know you now Jack, the voice inside him whispered. The same voice that used to tell him that they had all been right. His parents, all his foster parents, all the men who raped him. The same voice who had driven him to the roof of his home with a gun in his hand. He felt the voice blending with the others but he pushed them back, back to dark corners of his mind. It hurt, just like it always did. The skin at his wrist itched and he rubbed it, he didn't notice Bobby's glance down, to busy trying to close the door on the old ghosts. Suddenly he was just so tired, he just wanted to rest, to forget, to not exist anymore. Everything here hurt, even the lights were to bright. Would he ever find some kind of peace now? He turned his head to meet his brothers understanding eyes, the tears in his own making them even more blue than usual. They slowly trailed down his cheeks like small rivers of despair.

Bobby reached his arm out, ignoring the pain it caused him and placed it around Jack's shoulder. Jack let out a broken sob and leaned his head against Bobby's shoulder, the familiar muscle there made the tears fall faster.

He whispered between sobs. "I don't know anything anymore"

"I'll help you Jackie, I promise I will" Bobby's voice held that serious tone it always did when it was concerning his youngest brother.

"I'm lost Bobby"

"I know. I'll bring you back"

From the dark? From myself? He dosen't even know everything... "You can't help me this time Bobby" He pressed his face against his brothers shoulder even more tightly, foolishly wishing he was still that young kid who thought that Bobby could protect him from everything.

"I found you here didn't I?"

_Baby I can see your halo  
>You know you're my saving grace <em>

**Hope you liked this chapter, a bit more emotional for Jack. As you can see I'm long from done with him, same goes for Bobby. Song is "Halo" by Beyonce, I assume most of you know lol. Oh if you want I can absolutely go back to the flashback in hick town? **


	7. Chapter 7

**Sorry for the wait, been working on some one-shots :) I think some of you will like at least one that I'm working on :D Also I'm sick again, stupid winter. Feeling a little better today but not able to eat yet, so I apologize in advance for any weirdness. I don't own four brothers.**

"Fuck!"

"You shouldn't have left your bed"

"No shit"

Jack sighed and took a firmer grip around his oldest brothers waist. They were slowly walking back to Bobby's room. Bobby had insisted on walking by himself but had been forced to accept the help of his youngest brother when his knees buckled for the third time.

"Maybe I should get you a wheelchair?"

The look Bobby sent him said more than words ever could. Jack bit his lip when the skin stretched across his wound.

"Hows the shoulder?"

Of course Bobby noticed. "It's fine"

"Fine my ass"

"Look" Jack stopped and glared at Bobby "If you don't stop your nagging I'm going to grab the nearest wheelchair, occupied or not, and sit your ass in it. What it'll be?"

"You wouldn't dare" Bobby studied him closely with narrowed eyes.

"Try me" Blue eyes locked on brown ones.

Neither moved for about a minute before Bobby huffed and made a gesture to indicate that Jack lead the way. They started down the hall again, Jack beside him, still holding him upright. "Punk" Bobby muttered.

"Shut it old man" Jack replied.

"Hey, don't forget your still my little brother"

"Yeah yeah..."

Walking back to Bobby's room took some time and when they arrived they were greeted by the sight of a near frantic Jerry and Angel.

"Where the hell have you two been? We were worried sick!"

Bobby chuckled and saluted Jerry, wincing as he did so. "Sorry Captain, wont happen again"

"Damn right it wont" Angel cut in.

"Jack were you in on this?" Jerry asked looking at Jack, disbelief coloring his tone.

Jack opened his mouth to defend himself when Bobby snapped.

"Hey! I was the one who wandered off so lay off him" He glared at Jerry then Angel.

"I didn't mean..."

"I'm sorry for worrying my two little sisters okay? Geez, thank god I still have one brother with balls, who knew it would be the fairy one..."

"Don't call me that" Jack spoke automatically.

"Bobby! What are you doing up?"

The brothers looked toward Bobby's doctor who swept through the door. Bobby rolled his eyes and limped, with Jack's help over to the bed and managed to lie down with a great deal of difficulty. "Well fuck me if it isn't Doctor Pain In The Ass..."

Jack shook his head, telling Bobby without words how lame that line had been. Maybe his condition was getting worse if he couldn't even deliver good lines to the regular doc.

The doctor who was more than used to Bobby's attitude just started checking his vitals and what not, shooting him disapproving looks in the meantime.

"I want to go home. I'm going home, OW! What the fuck?"

"Sorry"

The doc didn't look sorry at all to Bobby.

"You can't" Jerry answered seeing as no one else was about to. "The house. It's..." He looked over at Jack who was staring a hole through the carpet "It's not done yet. We haven't had the time to... repair it".

Bobby felt like he'd been punched in the gut. Ma's house. Memories from the shooting filled his head and he looked at Jack, knowing he was there, but wanting to make sure. Suddenly his wounds hurt more than they had a minute ago. "I'll help"

"You can barely stand"

Well since the fuck when was Angel the voice of reason. "I can still help" he protested.

"With what? Watching the paint dry?" Angel let a grin escape at the thought.

"Watch it, when I'm out of here I'm kicking your ass"

"You can try"

"Please everyone, if you can take the time to listen to me for a minute" Once again all eyes turned to the doctor. "You are not well Bobby. Your heartrate is too high and I don't like the sound your lungs make"

"So?" Bobby had a bad feeling about this. Sure breathing wasn't exactly easy, it actually hurt a lot, but that didn't have to mean anything.

"So I want to be sure that we haven't missed anything"

"What do you mean missed? Isn't it your job to notice these things?" Jack was surprised by the hostility in his own voice, and the others were too. Bobby's eyes lingered on him before he looked at his doctor.

"How long?"

"I can't say. I'm sorry"

The doctor left after telling them that a nurse would be there soon.

Bobby looked at his brothers and a wave of symphaty welled over him. It had been hard on them, he could see that. "Hey, about the house, we'll hire someone"

"No, no. It's fine. We started on it, just taking some time is all..." Jerry shook his head, a sad smile on his lips. There really hadn't been a lot of time to spend on the house between staying with Bobby, the whole Sweet business and then waiting for Bobby to wake up... Truth was they all had a hard time being there.

"We'll get it done until you're ready to go home" Angel spoke up, trying to draw Bobby's attention to him. At the moment it was focused on Jack, who was fidgeting, twisting his lighter between his fingers.

Angel was worried. Bobby seemed to have some kind of sixth sense where Jack was concerned, he always had. The last thing they wanted was Bobby getting suspicious.

Bobby nodded reluctantly, to tired to argue at the moment. The walk had really worn him out, not that he'd ever admit it. He leaned back down against the pillow and felt his eyes start to close. "Jack"

"Yeah?"

He more felt than saw Jack sit down in the chair next to the bed. "I meant what I said"

"I know" Jack forced a smile to his lips.

When Bobby had fallen asleep his brothers had gathered around what had become their usual table in the bland cafeteria. Jack was sipping his coffee, his frozen fingers wrapped tightly around the cup while Angel was eating a sandwitch.

"Man how much can you eat? We ate before going to Bobby's?" Jerry asked with amazement.

"Hey I'm a growing man" Angel protested.

"Something's growing alright" Jack mumbled and shot a look at Angel's stomach.

"Shut up Jackiepoo"

"We need to talk about the house" Jerry interrupted "We need a plan, and a timeplan, if we're going to get it done in time"

"No problem" Angel wiped his mouth with a napkin, making Jack snicker at him, which in turn made Angel kick his chair lightly.

Jerry rolled his eyes. "Focus guys. Working on the house means we cant be here as often as we've been now".

"Yeah... we need to get it done though" Angel nodded and turned to Jack. "You okay with this?"

"Yeah"

Neither Angel nor Jerry believed him.

The next day the brothers minus the oldest started working on the house. It was hard repairing the house they spent the larger part of their childhood in. Their time here hadn't been easy, but at the same time it was almost like a dream come true, since here they had gotten what they had searched for for so long, love and acceptance. Seeing their childhood safehouse riddled with bullets hurt almost as much as the bullet had, Jack mused. But they continued on and as the day turned into early evening Jack remembered something.

Walking down the steps he remembered how he felt that day, how angry he'd been, how cold. He stopped for a second at the foot of the stairs before he continued in. Looking down he remembered the look in Fowler's eyes, remembered the feel of the knife sliding through muscle and tissue. He remembered how it made him feel.

Steps behind him made him tense but he relaxed when he sensed who it was.

"Jerry cleaned it up"

Jack nodded. It had been a mess, and that whole day was in some ways a blur in his mind, he couldn't remember some things. And some things he couldn't forget.

When Jack didn't say anything Angel clapped him on the shoulder, careful to avoid the one still hurting from the gunshot wound. "Let me know if you wanna talk" He turned to walk back up the stairs but the sound of Jack's voice stopped him.

"I keep seeing it"

Angel turned to watch the stiff back of his little brother. "I know" He came up beside him, and he too remembered coming down the stairs that day, thinking Jack had snapped and killed Fowler. "It'll get better Jackie, I promise, but it's going to take some time".

Jack nodded slowly, and the brothers were quiet for some time before Jack turned and walked back up the stairs with Angel behind him, both of them lost in their own thoughts.

In another part of the house a sort of reunion was taking place, altough not a happy one.

"I came to see how you were" Camille's voice was soft, but Jerry could hear the sharpness underneath. They hadn't spoken much since that day when they talked on the phone and she had said those things about his brothers. He had been home to change and take care of his daughters, but even that seemed to result in fights with Camille. He understood that she was mad and didn't think he was around enough. He just wanted her to understand too.

"It's a lot of work, but we're getting there... You want some coffee?"

Sitting at the kitchen table it felt like they were miles apart, each on one side of it. They felt more like strangers than husband and wife. How did it ever get to this?

"No. I just want to know what we're going to do Jerry?"

"I just don't know what you want me to do Camille? What you expect me to do?"

"I want you home Jerry, I expect you to be a husband and a father, is that too much to ask?"

Jerry sighed and rubbed a hand over his eyes. He did understand. "No, it's not. I've been home, and I've talked to the girls, they understand-"

"And me? Am I supposed to understand?"

Jerry felt his temper rise to the surface. In a short time he had lost his mother, almost lost his brothers and now this? "Yeah, I actually think you should Camille. Do you know how this has been like for me? For all of us?"

For a brief moment he thought he saw something in her eyes, some kind of sadness, but it was quickly replaced by the hurt and anger he was now used to seeing.

"Hey"

Both Jerry and Camille looked up to see Angel and Jerry standing in the doorway, an uncomfortable look in their eyes. Jack twirled his lighter around and shifted on his feet.

Hoping to break the tension Angel continued talking, trying to sound welcoming now that Camille was actually here, and talking to Jerry "Anyone want some coffee? Or something...?" He trailed of...

"I can make something if you want, cookies or..." Jack added but was cut off by Camille standing up, her chair scraping against the floor harshly.

"No thanks. I'm just gonna go"

"Camille..." Jerry pleaded but she left without another look at him and seconds later they heard the frontdoor slam.

In the kitchen no one spoke for a few seconds before Jack's voice cut through the tension Camille's visit and departure had caused. "Sorry, we didn't mean to interrupt".

The sad tone in his voice made Jerry frown. "It's okay, it's not your fault. She would have left anyway"

Maybe, Jack thought, but after what Angel had told him Camille seemed to have something against them. It was not that far fetched really. She had never really accepted that part of Jerry's past in which they played a large part.

"How did it go?" Angel asked taking a seat at the table with Jack following suit.

"I don't know what to say. She just keeps demanding things from me. And I don't know how to give them to her. I can't, even if I wanted too, and the thing is... I don't. I wont leave you guys for it"

"Jerry" Angel started

"No, it's not right. It's not right to demand that of me"

The tears in his eyes shocked his brothers a little. They knew things weren't good between them right now but this?

Jerry wiped his eyes and hung his head. He really could do nothing right, and everything was falling apart. "I'm sorry. I just miss her so much"

"Maybe she'll come around? Just give her some time" Jack offered.

"Yeah maybe..." Jerry agreed, not really believing it.

Angel clappped him on the shoulder "How about some coffee?"

"How about a beer?" Jack suggested

"I can't even believe your old enough to drink Jackiepoo" Angel teased

"Oh please, I've been drinking since you started chasing Sofi. And that's a very long time ago now"

"I'm telling Bobby you said that"

"Fucking tattletale"

Jerry laughed and stood up to get the coffee started but Jack beat him to it "I've got it"

"How about those cookies Cracker?"

"How about you help?" Angel lifted an eyebrow at that and Jack scoffed. "I take that back"

"Wise choice Martha"

Five seconds later Angel howled when a wet dishtowel hit the back of his neck.

"Hey"

Bobby looked up when Jack walked through the door. "Hey, haven't seen you all day"

"Yeah I know, been working on the house, Angel and Jer is coming too, they just stopped for some food".

"Oh thank god, what are they bringing?"

Jack grinned "Pizza"

Bobby let out something that sounded a lot like a moan. "My prayers have been answered"

"Ready to repent?" Jack grinned

"Wouldn't know where to start" Bobby grinned back.

"Not to mention the time it would take..." Jack trailed off, a thoughtful look on his face.

"Hey, don't forget I can still kick your ass"

"You keep saying that but I just don't see it happening" Jack ducked out of the way of Bobby's hand flying in his direction and laughed "Kidding!"

"Well who knew you were such a freaking riot" Bobby grumbled.

"Peace offering?" Jack held up a bag

Bobby eyed the bag with interest before a spark lit in his eyes. "You didn't...?"

Jack nodded, a grin on his face. "I did" He gave the bag to Bobby who immediately tore it open and pulled out a cookie.

"Ah, my favorite" He mumbled with his mouth full.

Jack shrugged "I know. Figured you'd be in a bad mood being stuck here alone all day"

He thought he heard Bobby mumble 'Damn right' but it was hard to hear over the sound of him tearing into the cookies. He turned to the TV and turned it on, quickly finding a movie he thought looked good and turned the sound up a bit and relaxed.

**I'm not really sure where I'm going with Camille yet, we'll see where it ends up. I hope you liked it :) **


	8. Chapter 8

**So sorry for the wait between chapters, it's almost the end of the semester and it's a lot to do in school. I hope I'll have more time soon! Anyway on to the story :D I don't own four brothers or the song. **

_The bench was cold underneath him. He didn't know where he was, but he knew he was waiting, for what he didn't know. Time passed by slowly before he noticed his scrawny little brother walking towards him. Jack silently took a seat next to him. _

"_What are you doing here?" Bobby asked._

"_You're waiting for me" Jack answered in a calm tone._

"_I am?"_

"_Yeah" Jack nodded and Bobby swore he could see the same calm serene expression Evelyn used to have. _

"_Why?"_

"_I'm bringing you home"_

_Bobby nodded. _

"_MERCER!" Bobby flinched and stood at the same time Jack did, facing the voice. The air suddenly seemed thicker and suddenly he was there, standing right in front of them. "You owe me Mercer"._

_Bobby stepped forward so that he was shielding Jack. "I owe you shit"_

_Sweet's sinister chuckle caused a shiver to race down Bobby's back and he launched forward, desperate to act before everything went to hell, again. Only he couldn't move. He looked down at his body and froze at the sight of the bullet wounds. No no, they weren't supposed to be bleeding now, he was better now! Sweet's raspy voice forced his eyes upward again._

"_I wasn't talking about you"_

_Before Bobby could react Sweet held a gun in his hand and Jack was standing beside him. Bobby blinked, the panic coursing through him. _

"_Bobby, it's okay" Jack spoke slowly as if trying to calm a wild animal "You know I always wanted to die anyway"._

_Bobby shook his head wildly and once again tried to move, but his feet were rooted to the ground. "No, no, not anymore Jack"._

_Jack smiled sadly at the desperation in his oldest brothers voice. "This is who I am"_

"_Not who you have to be" Bobby whispered, the familiar words from the past coating the air around them._

"_Too late" Jack shook his head again, the dirty blonde hair falling forward._

_The sound of the shot made him jerk and he screamed._

Bobby shot up, gasping wildly. He had managed to get his legs over the bed before he noticed his little brother sleeping in the chair next to the bed. He reached a hand out and when it connected with Jack's knee he let out a quiet sob and pulled it back. A noise in the hallway jerked him back to the present and he leaned back in the bed without taking his eyes from his sleeping brother. He wiped a hand over his eyes and wasn't surprised when it came back wet. His mind replayed the dream again and he shuddered. It's over, he told himself. Sweet is dead, they'd told him so. Angel had killed him. But God it felt so real...

He wished he could have been the one to kill him, he really did. But he could never regret saving Jack. He would have gladly died for him, still would, like he would for all his brothers. He wished... that he could have prevented this. He hates himself for not preventing this, for not being there... he hates himself for so many things, but most of all because when she really needed him he wasn't there. He will never forgive himself for that. The pain in his chest is worse, and he knows it's not just his heart even though that's a big part of it. He will never admit it, but it hurst and he can tell somethings not quite right with his body. It bothers him even though he tries to hide it. His thoughts stray to the dream again and he shivers thinking about his brothers facing down Sweet without him. He thinks about Jack and the haunted look in his eyes and he wonders what else happened while he was out of it. He dosen't want to talk about it, that much he knows, but that usually means that he should talk to him.

"_Talk to me" Jack dosen't answer and I sigh in frustration, trying to hide how impatient I am. Patience is not something I'm used to showing, or having for that matter, but I try. "You've barely spoken a word the whole week, what's wrong?"_

_Jack sighs and hangs his head low, that blonde hair falling over his eyes. "It's broken"._

_I blink, completely in the dark as to what he's talking about. "What's broken?"_

"_The guitar. One of the strings snapped"_

"_A string snapped?" I asked to clarify and Jack nodded, still not meeting my eyes. I want to laugh, but I can tell it's not the right moment for that. I can be sensitive too, despite what people think. "Hey, no problem. We'll get new strings okay?"_

Okay, so it's not always life or death when Jack shuts himself off, but I can't shake the bad feeling that's been in my chest since I first woke. A nurse enters and asks me how I'm feeling, I grudgingly tell her about the pain in my chest and she complains about me not pressing the button. I try to tell her it's not that bad but she must be a relative to Sofi as she completely ignores what I'm saying and soon I feel the familiar numbness in my limbs.

"_You want to talk about him?"_

_Her voice is so gentle. So unlike anything I've ever heard before. She looks at me with those warm, kind eyes and I wonder how she came to care about me of all people. For some reason she does. I look down and shake my head slowly. "No point. Don't even know who he is"_

"_You want to try and find him?" Her voice tells me it would be okay if I did._

"_No. I don't want to know. I don't need to. I don't have a father" That much I know. I never want to see him, whoever he is. I'm fine with not having a father. Before, it would have been different, but now... memories of another man come quickly and I try to push them back. He's gone, I killed him. I'll make sure I'll never have to be that way again. _

"How's Camille?"

Jerry looks up from the paper quickly to meet my eyes, but looks away just as quickly. I haven't seen her around, not that I expected her to come visit me but since Jerry's been spending so much time here...

"She's fine, you know..." He shrugs, avoiding my gaze.

"She okay with you being here so much?" I study him closely, Jerry's a good liar but I know his tells.

"Yeah, sure, I mean she knows how important you guys are to me..."

And there it is. He's lying, she's not okay with it. She never really was. I feel guilty, as much as I want them here I don't want him unhappy. "Go home for a while, I'll be fine you know, you don't need to babysit me". And they don't, god knows I can take care of myself.

He hesitates and looks like he wants to tell me something but then Angel walk through the door with my living nightmare otherwise known as Sofi. I can't stop my groan, I don't even try, and she glares at me but without her usual venom. "Angel. Loca" I greet them, and only receive a mild glare in response from said Loca. What the fuck? "What's wrong with you?" Before she can answer Jack walk in, sipping his coffee from... I look closely at the label, Starbucks! That little fucker. He takes his usual seat and I reach for the coffee and glare at him when he pulls it away. Sofi keeps chattering about everything and nothing and I try to focus I really do, but she's weirder than usual and keeps shooting strange looks at Jack who as usual completely ignores her.

"Hey" She looks at me "Please shut up".

And she does. I lift my hand and rest it on my chest just to make sure I'm still breathin. Cause this is starting to look at lot like my idea of heaven. Except for Jack withholding the coffee. And then a thought enters my mind, and I let out a laugh. "Oh shit. I'm dying aren't I?" I feel bad for a second when I see Jack's face pale, but he soon scowls at me. Looks like he's moodier than usual today.

"Of course not! What makes you say that?" Jerry almost shouts, then turns quiet as he realizes that the whole floor probably heard him, he turns and quickly closes the door. "I mean, why do ya think that?"

"Well Sofi's listening to me so..."

"Fuck you Bobby" She snaps but quiets when Angel glares at her. Well this is new...

"That's the spirit Loca, you scared me" I mock her, but it dosen't feel like it used to. I'm tired, that must be it. She whispers something to Angel and starts to leave but before she opens the door she smiles at me, just a small smile, but from Sofi... I'm definitely worse off than I thought.

"_I need your help"_

_I look up slowly. I was a bit surprised, the new kid had tried to come off all tough ever since he arrived, not wanting help from anyone. I toyed with the idea of refusing him, just for fun of course, but the look on his face told me that it was serious so I cramped down the urge to mess with him. "With what?" I could tell he was nervous but trying to hide it. He didn't look down though, keeping eye contact._

"_There's a guy. He's got it into his head that I owe him something"_

_I chuckled inwardly. There's always a guy. With my luck it was probably ten. "Do you?" I looked at him seriously. I would help of course, but I need to know what I was helping him with. _

"_No" _

_I can't tell if he's telling the truth or not. I stand up and work some kinks out in my neck while smiling. "Well then, lead the way Angel"._

"What's wrong with me?"

Doc takes his time to answer and then he looks up from his papers, which I guess hold my testresults and all the other shit they'd done on me since I woke up. My brother's not here, I had made sure of that when Doc said he wanted to talk to me. I needed to know what it was, just so I could... I don't know. I didn't know what I wanted, but I knew I didn't want them to have to worry about me any more than they already did. I could see the tired lines in their faces, it needed to stop.

"Bobby, one of the shots nicked your lung"

I nodded. I knew that.

"We repaired the damage during your first surgery but these tests show that it's bleeding"

"My lung is bleeding?" I asked to clarify.

"Yes. And if we don't do something about that soon it might get worse than it already is. A bleeding lung will eventually lead to it collapsing, and then..."

"I die" I cut him off.

I could see the sympathy on his face "Yes. But now that we know what the problem is we can do something about it"_._

"Well what do you have in mind?"

"We need to repair your lung again, through surgery"

Of course. The one thing he didn't want done was the only thing left. How fucking typical. "I'll need to be sedated?" The Doc nodded, confirming what he already knew.

Well wasn't that just fucking funny as hell. He hated being sedated. It reminded him too much about before. Reminded him of a time when he would have done almost anything not to feel. Now he hated it, the feeling of loosing control, being vulnerable, unable to stop what was happening around him.

"Do you want me to call your brothers Bobby? Maybe you can talk to them and..."

"No. Don't say anything about this to them" His voice was firm and so was his gaze when he locked it on the Doc's. "They have enough to worry about".

"I'm sure they'll..." He started but he cut him off.

"I said no" The Doc sighed and obviously wanted to argue but decided to keep out of it for now at least. "When do you want to do this?"

"As soon as possible, tomorrow morning if everything goes according to plan".

Bobby didn't answer, his eyes staring out the window lost in his own thoughts.

"_Oh thank you Bobby" Evelyn smiled brightly as he took the bag of groceries from her arms._

"_No problem Ma, you need to take it easy you know, your not young anymore" He teased, laughing when she pretended to be outraged._

"_Why I never, being called old in my own home, no dessert for you young man. Notice the word 'young'"._

_Bobby chuckled "I'm sorry Ma, you don't look a day over 30"_

_Evelyn laughed loudly and started putting the groceries away "Now now, I may be old, but I'm not stupid, remember that"._

_They ate their dinner and talked lightly about their day. Evelyn told him about work, well as much as she could, and Bobby talked about school, leaving out the detention he'd gotten for skipping class. _

"_Well it's friday night son, where are you off to tonight?"_

"_Thought I'd stop by Johnny's, see what's happening" His stomach clenched at the word 'son'. He still hadn't gotten used to being one, but he couldn't deny that it made him happy. _

"_I don't know why you go there, you're not even old enough to drink!" She scolded him lightly without any harshness._

"_I don't go there to drink Ma, I just... hang around"_

"_Mhm..." She didn't believe him. She sighed. "The years go by so fast, soon you'll be old enough to drink, thinking of having your own place..."_

_Bobby laughed and took the plates and carried them to the kitchen, Evelyn following behind him with the glasses. "Wow, slow down Ma, you're not getting rid off me that easy"_

"_Oh you say that now, but soon I'll be old and gray and you'll be off somwhere else, having forgotten all about that old lady back home"._

_She had that teasing glint in her eye, but he thought he detected a trace of sadness in her voice. He set the plates down and turned back to her and placed a gentle hand against her cheek meeting her suddenly sad eyes with his serious ones. "I'll always remember you". _

"Will you remember me when I'm gone?"

Jack startled at Bobby's voice breaking the silence in the otherwise quiet hospital room. He picked up the spoon he'd dropped and cleaned it quickly on his shirt. He'd been eating ice cream and watching a muted episode of family guy when Bobby suddenly spoke. "I thought you were asleep".

"Will you?"

He swallowed hard at the vulnerability he heard in his oldest brothers voice. Alarm bells sounded off in his brain and he took a quick inventory of the machines connected to Bobby, making sure everything was still as it should be. He let out a sigh of relief when they didn't show anything odd, but the anxiety made his body tense and his heart beat faster. "Don't talk like that".

"Will you?" His brother persisted.

"Of course I will. But don't say stuff like that, cause your not going anywhere" Jack told him firmly, cursing himself when his voice shook a little. "What's wrong?" he asked when his brother turned his head to stare out the window.

Bobby sighed, feeling like the weight of the world was on his shoulders. "Jack..."

The panic was there in an instant, making his chest tight and his hands sweat. "No. No" He shook his head sharply, leaning forward "You're going to be fine, the doctor said so himself, just as long as you take it easy and don't strain yourself and..."

Bobby turned and looked at his little brother. He reached a hand out and placed it on his hands that were twitching. "Hey, take it easy. I didn't mean it like that I..." He trailed off, cursing himself. How stupid could he be saying something like that to Jack, especially now, he'd just been so lost in thoughts and, fuck. "Everythings gonna be fine Jackie, no matter what, you'll be fine".

"What are ya not telling me?" His question sounded as an accusation, and in a way it was.

Should he tell him? Every instinct in his body screamed no. It's too much for him, he's already strung as tight as he can be, and he said it himself that he's not in a good place, what if he does something stupid? All these thoughts raced through his mind, but when he looked into Jack's hurt eyes it didn't matter. He already knew something was up, Jack wasn't stupid and Bobby had led him on the trail by mistake. Or maybe not, maybe he'd wanted to talk about it, tell someone.

"Has the doctor said anything about your tests?" Jack interrupted his thoughts, and Bobby could see that he knew already. Not what it was of course, but that something was wrong. When you grew up the way Jack had, hell the way they all had, you came to expect the worse from every situation. It never really leaves you. Staring into his little brothers anxious eyes Bobby decided to tell him. Not because he wanted too, but because he owed it to him.

"My lung is leaking blood" The only response from Jack was his hands tightening around Bobby's. "I'm having surgery tomorrow. Doc wants it done as soon as possible. It's not that bad, but it could be, so better to take care of it as soon as possible". Bobby could see the pain in Jack's eyes, and the loathing he held for himself increased "I'll be fine". He wanted to promise, but he would never forgive himself if his last words to his brother were a lie. For a few brief seconds Bobby thought Jack would break, he had that look, Bobby had seen it enough times to know what it meant, but then it changed. The pain in his eyes were still there, his grasp on his hands just as tight, but his voice was steady when he spoke.

"We'll be here when you wake up".

"_Are you serious man? You can't sell that shit around here, the cops gonna be on ya faster than your girlfriend gets around" Bobby laughed and took a deep gulp from his beer._

"_She's not my girlfriend and please, I'm not afraid of no fucking cop"_

_Bobby laughed again and clapped him on the back, making him cough. "Aw did I hurt your feelings Donnie, I'm sorry"._

"_Whatever. I can sell wherever I want" Don bragged._

_Bobby shook his head with a smile. He had known Don for a year now, he lived with a foster family that didn't exactly mind him staying out late. Meaning, they were to drunk to notice that he wasn't home. He glanced down and noticed how Don's hand kept straying to his pocket. He sighed. "I thought you quit that shit"._

_His hand dropped like a kid with his hand in the cookie jar. "I have, week's been rough you know?"_

_Oh Bobby knew. He had quit that shit just in time. He knew what it did to people. He also knew that Don did as he wanted. _

"_COPS!" A voice suddenly called out._

_Bobby and Don wasted no time getting the fuck out of the bar. They were underage and Don was carrying, getting frisked was the last thing they wanted. They ran for some blocks before stopping to catch their breath._

"_Fuck!"_

"_Makes you feel alive right?" Bobby laughed._

"_Makes me feel like an old man" Don replied, holding his chest. _

"_Cut back on the shit and you don't have to limp around dickhead"_

"So tomorrow..." Angel rubbed a hand over his head.

Angel, Jerry and Jack were gathered in Bobby's room. Jack had convinced Bobby to tell them, he'd agreed after realizing that he wanted someone to keep Jack company while he was sedated. Also, hiding it would have been difficult. Something else Jack had pointed out.

"Yeah"

They'd already talked to the doctor about the risks, what they could expect, the time it would take and so on. The only thing they could do now was wait.

"Don't worry about me okay"

Bobby's voice was soft and Jerry was struck by how... small his brother seemed. It wasn't the first time that thought had entered his mind since they first saw him here, but it still shocked him. For several years he had tried to get Bobby to understand that he had to straighten his life out, to change, not for his sake, but for his own. It was only just now that he realized how much he depended on Bobby to be Bobby. To be the big brother that solved everything. The tough guy that always shook off every hurt, the guy that, stupid as it sounded, laughed in the face of danger. The brother they needed.

Softly sung words drifted down the hall, the notes escaping the old radio a few doors down with some difficulty, the haunting words seeming even more sad today than any other day. Most people pass it without even hearing the words. Some stop and listen for a while. We pass through life meeting people along the way, some we forget, some continue the same road we do for a while, and some people stay with us forever, even after we're long gone and all that remains is the dust from our bones and the memories in our loved ones hearts.

_I will remember you, will you remember me? Don't let your life pass you by, weep not for the memories... _

**Hope you liked this chapter, has a lot of Bobby in it and I'm probably going to continue that road for a chapter or two. The others will of course also be there. I hope I did Bobby justice here, I feel like it's important to get "him" just right. And the bleeding lung stuff, I have no clue about that, I mean in my head it sounds reasnable, but I don't know. I googled a bit though on gunshot wounds but it was kind of confusing. The song is "Will you remember me" by Sarah McLachlan.**


	9. Chapter 9

**This chapter is kind of a jump in time, but not really. It briefly touches stuff and then moves on, and that's cause I had trouble moving the story forward for some reason. It was kind of a block right there in the story and I couldn't get past it, very strange hang up thing, and I felt it was time to move forward cause we have a lot ahead of us here he. Lucy, thank you so much for taking the time to review every chapter, it makes me want to write as good as Bobby punches people :) I don't own four brothers. **

The wait is always the worst. Not knowing what's happening or what's going to happen next.

And wait they did. It seemed just like it was yesterday when they sat here, in this exact place and waited to hear if their brother was dead or alive, if he was gone forever. Now they sat here and waited for that same thing. The odds were better now of course, there was no immediate danger to Bobby's life but still... You never know, and Jack was almost to afraid to hope for a happy ending. He touched the rosary along his neck lightly, wondering if God was listening to him. Did he even know that he, Jack Mercer was willing to do anything, if his brother made it through this?

The relief that flooded his body when the doctor told them that everything had gone according to plan was out of this world. He leaned his head down and closed his eyes, releasing a deep sigh of relief. The next few minutes were a blur, he was unable to focus on anything except the fact that his brother had made it through another surgery. He snapped back in time to hear the doc explain that Bobby was still sedated and would probably be asleep until the next day. They could see him if they wanted. That last part was only a formality. The doctor knew that nothing could have kept them from Bobby's room.

He was pale, and still, and looked like he didn't have a care in the world. And again they waited. They didn't speak much, content just to be near each other. They didn't know how this would affect Bobby's recovery, only time could tell, but they tried to push those thoughts from their minds and focus on the now, focus on the fact that Bobby was still alive.

It hurt, Jack mused, to see his oldest brother, _the _Bobby Mercer so, well, weak. Though he would never tempt fate by mentioning that to Bobby. Knowing him he would find a way to kick his ass from that hospital bed.

As the days after the surgery passed so did Bobby's patience. He was livid when the doctor told him that he couldn't go home yet and threw a fit that almost made the staff call for security. In the end the doctor relented, if no complications arose Bobby would be able to leave in a weeks time, provided that he had someone at home taking care at him. He had three, but they all knew that getting him to accept the help would be harder than cleaning up Detroit.

Bobby was very weak. They all knew it, probably even Bobby even though he would die before admitting it. Bobby's doctor called them to a meeting to inform them of his limitations, what he could do, what he shouldn't do, things that were good for him to eat, what he couldn't eat, or in some cases, shouldn't eat. The "no alcohol" rule while the patient is on pain medication seemed to laugh at them.

Then the day came when Bobby was going to go home. They had finished the house a few days earlier and it now looked exactly the same, except for some changes for Bobby's benefit, as it had when Evelyn lived, before the shooting that changed their lives. They had talked about making some changes while they were fixing it up, but in the end they weren't ready to let that part of their lives go just yet. They might never be.

Bobby, despite his new improved mood since he was going home, snapped at everyone who tried to help him dress. He refused the wheelchair and pushed it across the room when the nurse insisted. She then left the brothers alone to deal with their ill tempered oldest brother. In the end, Bobby walked in the middle of Angel and Jerry, altough they at times supported most of his weight. Jack had offered, but Bobby had declared his shoulder as unhealed and that ended that discussion.

Jack thought the doctor looked somewhat relieved when he said goodbye, for now, he added, since Bobby was scheduled for regular checkups and training. Jack chuckled softly at the look of relief on the hospital staffs faces when they entered the elevator. On their way out they passed a door that made him look twice, and he stopped as the memory played up like a movie in his head.

_He followed him down silently. So far he'd gone undetected. Years of trying to be invincble had taught him everything there was to know about not being detected when trying not to be seen. He came up behind him and he didn't hesitate when he lifted the ironpipe and hit the guard in the back of his head. He went down silently, his body only making a slight thud as he hit the floor. For a few seconds he just stood there, looking down, his heart pumping wildly in his chest. Then he turned and quickly went back the same way he came. He walked casually through the hospital until he arrived outside._

"Jack?"

Jack's eyes left the door to focus on Bobby. He blinked and realized that the others were waiting on him, Bobby with questions in his eyes, Jerry with a soft look in his, and Angel's eyes shone with understanding.

"Sorry" He muttered and taking one last glance at the door which he knew led to another one, that led to the dark basement where he had left the guard, he quickly walked up to his brothers, ignoring their looks and led the way outside.

Pulling up outside the house they helped Bobby out, not the easiest thing to do since his whole upper body was wrapped, but they managed. Bobby stopped and suddenly leaned heavily on Jerry, his eyes fixed on the spot in the snow where he and Jack had been, not far from where Jack had been when he'd been shot. Bobby heard the shot in his head, felt the panic, saw Jack drag himself up and move towards the house, he saw one of the unnamed men raise his gun, it played out in his head even before he moved. He ran without thought and felt the bullets hit him, felt the impact. He felt Jack holding on to him. He remembered feeling like he was dying.

Looking up at the house no one could tell that there had been a battle in front of it, in it. It looked the way it always had, nothing at all like it did in his nightmares where Jack was dead, and he was alone.

"You okay?" Jack murmured. He too felt the tension. Difference was he had seen that spot several times now since it happened. But it didn't block out the memories. If he could he would wipe away that spot from the face of the earth, just so that he never had to look at the place where his brother almost died saving him.

Bobby took a deep breath and stepped forward with the help of Angel and Jerry. "I'm fine".

Bobby didn't know what to say when he took in the corner of the livingroom which now served as bedroom for him. He felt his heart swell when he saw the anxious looks on his brothers faces.

"It's just until your a little better, I know you want your own room but the stairs is too long for you right now, and we'll help of course, but until your better we thought you could sleep down here" Jerry told him, a soft look on his face and unsure eyes.

"I promise I'll keep it down if I watch TV" Jack said, a small tired smile on his young face. "I can keep you company down here, maybe sleep on the couch, in case you need anything" He added.

"Thanks" Bobby spoke slowly, his voice filled with emotion. "It's great. Don't worry about me, I'll be fine".

Soon after they'd helped Bobby over to the bed had he fallen asleep, exhausted from the car ride and the small amount of walking that he'd done. Angel went upstairs to call Sofi while Jack started with dinner. He'd carefully read the instructions the doctor had left them, or rather him, since he was usually the one who cooked anyway. Picking down the ingredients he needed he noticed the lack of food in the fridge, they'd manage today, but he needed to go shopping soon, possibly tomorrow. As he prepared the meal he remembered another time when he'd stood in this exact spot preparing another dinner for the same person...

"_When's Bobby coming?" Jack asked._

_Evelyn smiled. Jack had asked that same question several times since the week before when Bobby had called and said he'd be home in time for his birthday. Evelyn had been thrilled, happy that he was coming home to celebrate with his family. He was traveling with his team and sometimes he could be gone for longer periods. It was hard for all of them when he was gone, but especially for Jack. _

"_Early tonight honey" She smiled patiently, having already told him this._

_Jack continued chopping carrots with a practiced hand while Evelyn smiled proudly. _

"_I hope he's not to late for dinner" Jack mumbled._

"_Don't worry honey, he'll be here, he said he would"_

Too lost in his thoughts Jack didn't hear Jerry come in and take a seat at the table.

"Need any help?"

Jack jumped and dropped the plate he was holding, it turned into bits as it made contact with the floor. "Shit!" He bent down and started collecting the pieces after shooting a look at the livingroom, trying to hear if the sound had woken Bobby up.

"Careful, wait I'll get it" Jerry bent down next to him but Jack quickly collected the rest of the broken plate and rose.

"I got it". Dumping the pieces in the thrashcan he washed his hands and braced himself against the counter as he took a deep breath.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you" Jerry's voice was full of apology.

"Not your fault, I'm jumpy today" Jack mumbled and turned to face his brother.

"Big day for all of us" Jerry nodded, waiting to see if Jack would continue. He didn't. "So, do ya need help?"

"Nah I got it, need to go to the store soon though"

"Yeah, guess we kind of forgot about that"

Jerry sounded guilty. Jack knew all about that. "Big day for all of us" He smiled to ease his brothers worries.

They were silent as Jack continued preparing the meal, both of them lost in thoughts, one in the past and the other one in the future.

Jerry could feel the hurt rise in his chest. He didn't want to burden his little brother any more, he was struggling enough as it was, but he needed to talk to someone, and he knew it was only a matter of time before they figured it out. He could talk to Angel, he would understand, but for some reason he wanted to talk to Jack. He needed his kind little brother right now, but he felt like he shouldn't ask, like it was his own problem, his own mess to deal with. Jack had enough problems right now, anyone could see that. Jerry knew all that, still he couldn't stop the words that spilled from his mouth.

"Camille threw me out".

Jack froze, unsure if he'd heard right. He looked over his shoulder at his brother who was staring down at the table. "Jerry..."

"I... I thinks she's going to leave me Jack".

Jack put down the milk he'd been about to pour and turned around to face Jerry, who refused to meet his eyes. His brothers pain was visible all over his face. He took a seat next to him at the table, his thoughts jumping around in his head. Had he really been this occupied with himself that he didn't see what was happening right in front of him?

The sympathy Jerry felt from his brother pushed him over the edge and he let out a sob, tears trailing down his cheeks. Jack reached out and placed an arm around his shoulders. Jerry hung his head low and let the tears fall faster, trying to keep quiet as to not alert the others in the house.

"I don't know what to do" Jerry mumbled, wiping at his eyes.

Jack didn't need to think. "You'll stay here"

**Sorry for the short chappie, next one will be longer promise. Hope you liked it anyway :****D **


	10. Chapter 10

**I'm sorry that it takes so long for me to update now. I'm writing my final essay for school and I'm struggling a lot with it. But please just bear with me for two more weeks then I'll have much more time to write! Lucy, I know you're waiting and trust me I'm not going anywhere lol. Anyway hope ya'll like this one! I don't own four brothers or the song which is "I'm in here" by Sia.**

Outside the Mercer house it was a pretty peaceful morning with everyone going about their business. Inside the house was another story.

"Your fucking with me right?"

"What?"

"What do you mean what? I'm not blind, I can still fucking hear and see ya know, even though I must admit that I wanted to scratch my eyes out last night when she walked around half naked! For fucks sake man, you want me to off myself is that it? Cause if it is..."

Angel sighed. Sofi had stayed over last night and judging from Bobby's rant had walked around...less clothed during the night.

"You think I can't do anything about it right now but you just wait"

"Yeah yeah..." Angel muttered and left the room, choosing to spend his morning in the kitchen with Jack instead. Bobby had been in a bad mood all morning, cursing everything and nothing. He took a seat at the table and leaned his head in his hands. "Do something"

Jack was making scrambled eggs while sipping his coffee. "What do you want me to do?" He mumbled distracted.

"Make him shut up! Please, if every morning is going to be like this I'll move in with Sofi's mother"

Jack snorted "No you wont"

"Fine. Maybe I wont, but he'll be getting something hard against that thick skull of his soon"

"It's only been an hour" Jack finally looked up and focused on Angel.

"I KNOW!"

Jerry entered the kitchen and collapsed in the chair opposite Angel with a groan. Angel pushed his cup off coffee over to him. "You stayed here last night?"

"Eh yeah..."

"What the...? Oh hell no, ANGEL! Get your ass in here or I swear to God I'm coming to get you and then I'll shove my foot so far up your ass that the fucking laces will tickle your throat!"

Jerry glanced up at a laughing Angel when Bobby's rant came to an end "What did you do?"

Angel was fully laughing now as the curses from the livingroom increased "I hid one of Sofi's bra's in his blanket while he was busy telling me how much I suck"

Jerry felt a rare smile light up his face. That was pretty funny.

"He's supposed to be taking it easy" Jack pointed out.

"Hey he deserved it Cracker, admit it"

"I admit to nothing" Jack declared somberly, knowing it was best not to.

"Damn right you wont" Bobby called out.

Jack scoped some omelett on a plate and poured a glass of orange juice before leaving the kitchen. Jerry and Angel glanced at each other, then the omelett before getting up and taking some for them selves.

Bobby sat at edge of the bed with the table in front of him when Jack came in carrying the breakfast. He placed it down in front of him slowly.

"Looks great Jackie" Bobby gave him a small thankful smile that made Jack beam."Wait, no coffee?"

"Not for another week at least" Jack responded while turning on the TV and taking a seat in front of it. His foot stuck on something and looking down he saw a purple bra entangled with his foot. He lifted the foot up for Bobby to see, the bra hanging on it. "Did you have to throw it on the floor?"

"Can't reach the garbage can from here, I mean I'm good, but I doubt even I can through that kind of curveball. Besides, I thought maybe you should see one so you know what they look like"

"Fucker" Jack kicked the bra away and it landed somewhere near the diningroom table. "I know what they look like"

"Sure you do sweetheart"

Jack walked back to the kitchen with a sigh and came back with a glass of water and some pills. "Don't forget these"

Bobby rolled his eyes "Nurse Jackie"

"Just take them man"

Bobby rolled his eyes and looked down at the pills Jack was holding. His chest hurt like a bitch, not to mention his head, but he'd be damned if he admitted that to anyone. He made a big show of putting the pills in his mouth and swallowing. He opened his mouth ironically when Jack looked suspicious.

"All gone nurse"

"Good boy" Jack quickly ducked out of the way and the pillow hit Angel in the face as he came up behind Jack at just the right time.

Angel brushed some dust from his mouth and dropped the pillow on the bed. "Still in a good mood I see..."

"Don't push me man" Bobby warned "Your still on thin ice with the underwear thing. Are you really so tired of her that you'll try to dump her on your own brother? And it's not going to work, it dosen't matter how many bra's you throw my way".

"I give up!" Angel pulled on his jacket and grabbed the car keys.

"Hey if your heading out can you pick up a couple of things?" Jack asked quickly, seeing a way of getting out of grocery shopping.

"Sure. A gag?"

Bobby snorted. "Jackie dosen't like that shit Angel"

Angel rubbed his fingers against his temple slowly.

"Wait a sec" Jack went into the kitchen and soon returned with a pre-written list.

Angel took one glance at the long list and let out a groan. "We really need all that?"

"If we didn't I wouldn't have put it on the list" Jack replied, speaking slowly as if talking to a child. He was just happy that he'd found someone else to do the shopping.

"Smartass" Angel muttered.

"Stop talking about asses girls and get yours out the door Angel" Bobby yelled.

30 seconds later Angel Mercer was seen speeding away from the Mercer house, almost running over another car in his haste.

"Was that Angel?" Jerry stuck his head around the corner.

"Yeah he's doing some shopping" Jack answered, flipping through the channels quickly.

"Jack" Jack looked up at Bobby who was now laying back in the bed, the pills starting to kick in "just pick something"

Just to tease Jack zapped a few times more, shooting Bobby a grin "Fucker" Bobby mumbled before closing his eyes to rest them a bit. They opened when Jerry took a seat at the couch next to Jack. "Hey Jer, did you sleep here last night? I could swear I saw you coming downstairs this morning?"

"Yeah" Jerry let out a little cough and exchanged a look with Jack. Even in pain and on meds Bobby was sharper than a hawk, and he knew he stood little chance of actually hiding anything from him. That didn't mean he couldn't try to sweeten the sting a little. Not telling the whole truth is basically the same as lying, a voice whispered. Well, never let it be said that the Mercer's didn't know how to bend the truth a bit... or a yard. "We're having some problems and needed some time apart, so I'm staying here for now"

Bobby's eyes sharpened at once "And your okay with that?"

"I am, we really do need to think things through, it's just for now" Was it really? Jack shot him a look that said he was stupid if he thought that Bobby would buy that and he was probably right so he continued before Bobby could speak. "It'll be good for us and I'll still see the girls".

Bobby sighed and looked down before meeting Jerry's eyes again. "Look man if this has anything to do with what happened then.."

"No no" Jerry cut him off. "It's been brewing for a while" That at least was true.

Bobby looked like he wanted to ask more, and Jack didn't believe for a second that he bought Jerry's story, but he could see how tired he was even though he tried to hide it.

"Hey" Jerry looked over at him "can you give me a hand with some of Bobby's stuff? Thought we could move it down here"

"Yeah sure" They stood up just as Bobby's eyes opened again.

"Don't bother, I'll be up there soon enough"

"Not for at least a week your not" Jack muttered.

"Hey can you get my hockey stick while your up there?"

"What for?" Jack shot him a suspicious look.

"Nothing special, just want it here"

"Bad idea" Jerry told him as they were walking up the stairs.

"Tell me about it"

Three hours later Angel returned with the groceries. Bobby was asleep and Jack was working on a new song, or he was trying. He couldn't seem to get it just right.

"Where's Jerry?" He asked as he put the bags on the kitchen table with a relieved sigh.

"Home"

"You mean the home where he's not living anymore"

Jack looked up from his guitar. "He told you?"

"Not that, but some other things. While we were at the hospital things were tense between them" He shrugged and took a seat, hoping that the bags would unpack themselves if he ignored them long enough. Or that Jack would do it, whatever came first.

Jack stood up and started putting the groceries away. "I didn't know that" he mumbled quietly.

"You were... kind of distant" Angel chose his words carefully, not wanting to sound like he was blaming him for it. He didn't of course, but you never knew what Jack would think. He had this disturbing ability to turn everything into his own fault. "Don't worry about it. We all had a lot on our plates"

Jack didn't answer him. Angel listened carefully to be sure that Bobby hadn't woken up when he came in, it was quiet. "Can we talk?"

"About what?"

"Everything" Angel responded.

Jack froze for a second, before he continued moving. "There's nothing to talk about Angel"

Angel regarded him silently for a few seconds, the way he held himself, the way he was always so tense. Jack needed help, and they couldn't afford to wait any longer before adressing the problem. "You killed a man Jack".

His little brother turned then and gone was the empty look in his eyes, and in it's place was a blue fire that burned Angel. He would have looked away if he hadn't seen that look in so many other peoples eyes, seen it in his own eyes when he faced the mirror. He knew it.

"He wasn't a man" Despite the fire in his eyes his words were cold as ice. "He may have looked like one, walked like one and talked like one, but other than that he was nothing, exactly as he is now".

"Does that make it different?"

"You tell me Angel" Jack challenged him "You and Bobby killed two men right in front of me remember. Did you think about right or wrong then?"

"No" Angel replied steadily "You know I don't regret that Jack, I told you. But you know I have killed people before. I know that you know, cause you were always smart enough to know what we were doing those times you couldn't tag along".

"I dosen't matter anymore. I killed him, he's dead, gone for good. He got exactly what was coming to him. Let it go"

"I can't let it go, cause you haven't" Angel shot back at him "If it means so little then why can't you stop thinking about it huh?"

"What the fuck do you know about my thoughts?" Jack replied but the fire had left him and he was just so tired.

"I know you need to talk to someone, and I know that Bobby's usually the one to do this but..."

"Don't say one word to him about this" Jack hissed.

Angel glared at him "Are you crazy? Of course I'm not going to, I like my head where it is"

"Good" Jack put the rest of the groceries away before taking a seat. When he spoke his voice was hesitant and low. "Can we not do this now?"

"Then when Jack?"

"Later. Just not...today. Okay?"

He really shouldn't agree, but he couldn't stop himself from nodding. All it took was that broken look in his eyes and Jack would have him do anything. He wanted so badly to never see that look in those eyes again. Jack picked up his guitar and started playing a little while jotting down notes. Angel knew he wanted to be alone and lose himself in his music, but he wanted more time now, more honesty. "Working on something new?"

"Yeah but I don't know, it's not really working out"

"Let me hear" Angel encouraged.

And Jack played and sang softly, quietly.

_I'm in here. Can anybody see me? Can anybody help? I'm in here, A prisoner of history. Can anybody help? _

He stopped and dragged a hand through his hair, looking up at Angel with an insecure look in his eyes. "Don't know what it'll be, I'm not getting it through my head right".

"It sounds great, it'll come to you" Angel smiled when Jack chuckled and put his fist out for Jack to bump. "Hey, we stick together right? Nothings gonna break our stride and all that shit?"

Jack looked at him funnily "Are you qouting a Matthew Wilder song?"

"Who's that? I thought it was Blue Lagoon?"

Jack shot him a slightly disgusted look and Angel shrugged.

"Sofi likes it when I do, says it makes her feel special"

"Figures"

"Hey Jack"

Angel's voice stopped him his step. "Yeah?"

"When we do talk, it has to be about everything. Sweet, the guard at the hospital, Fowler..."

"Yeah" Jack nodded before turning and walking up to his room. He just wanted to be alone for a while.

**Like it? Please tell me you do! Or not, if you don't of course... "Break my stride" was a hit in 83 or 84? Performed by Matthew Wilder if I'm not totally wrong. Blue Lagoon made a cover a couple of years ago, 10 or something.**


	11. Chapter 11

**I have so many ideas I want to write down, I'm working on a few but until the essay from hell is finished I have to focus on that. But it's coming, mohaha. Sorry, too little sleep and too much coffee. Anyway enjoy! I don't own four brothers.**

"_Hey" Jack looked up and met Bobby's eyes "It's gonna be okay, I promise"_

"_You don't know that" Jack whispered, fighting the urge to hide his face in his hands. He didn't want Bobby to see him like this._

"_Of course I do. Look at me" he added when Jack looked away to hide the tears in his eyes. "I promise you. I haven't broken a promise to you yet have I?"_

_He hadn't, but Jack knew that something like this didn't just go away. He didn't think that even Bobby Mercer could do something about that. He didn't say that, he didn't say anything, settling for shaking his head slowly._

"_Don't worry Jackie, I'll take care of everything"_

Jack flicked his cigarette through the window with a sigh. It seemed like a million years ago now. He glanced down at the untocuhed bag of weed laying next to him on the sill. He hadn't rolled one yet, instead opting for his usual ones. He wanted so badly to just have one but he knew it wasn't the time, Bobby had been asleep for a few hours now and he needed to take his meds and eat something. Jack chuckled lightly as he headed downstairs, if there was one thing he took seriously it was taking care of Bobby. It was the most important thing now, he could control himself for a bit longer. For his brother he could. Coming downstairs he saw Bobby sitting up on the side of the bed and it looked like he was about to get up. Jack rolled his eyes and lengthened his stride. Stubborn ass.

"Wait, where you going?" Bobby looked up and saw him and huffed as he sat back down on the bed. "You have to be careful Bobby, you know what the doctor said".

"I'm bored" Bobby snapped. He softened his tone when he saw the look in Jack's eyes. He sighed. "I just can't stand being coped up here".

"It's not even been a day yet" Jack reminded him as he sat down next to him on the bed.

"I know, I'm going crazy Jack"

"Oh you know what the cat said" Jack chuckled but stopped when he saw the confusion on his brothers face.

"What damned cat?"

"You know, 'we're all mad here'? From..." he stopped there, certain he did not want to hear his brothers laughter as he realized that Jack was talking about Alice in Wonderland.

"What? Tell me?" Bobby demanded in his usual smooth way.

"It dosen't matter. What do you want to eat?"

Bobby's eyes narrowed but he let it go. "Whatever you make will be fine. Speaking of..." Jack looked up "I want to know how your doing, and if you tell me your 'fine' I'm going to show you how much I can still move".

"Bobby I really need to get started on dinner..."

"Yeah I'm hungry as hell" Angel added as he walked in and took a seat on the couch after shooting Jack a look that spoke volumes.

"Make your own damn dinner" Bobby snapped "I want to talk to Jack for a sec"

Angel looked at him, horrified at the thought of having to make his own meal "I can't cook"

"Maybe it's time you learned princess. We all know that Sofi's cooking is like gnawing the bark of a tree. So unless your planning on having Jack move in with you, which I will never allow anyway since I'm kind of fond of him, your gonna have to start chopping those onions loverboy". Bobby couldn't hide his grin anymore.

"Jack..." Angel protested, looking up at his youngest brother with pleading eyes.

Jack sighed, but was inwardly relieved that he had an excuse to put of the talk with Bobby again. It wouldn't work forever, but if he could just keep him occupied until he felt better, until he could lie better, then everything would be alright. "He'll burn the kitchen down" He mumbled to Bobby before getting up.

"Well he needs to learn if he's serious about La vida loca, cause she can't cook worth a damn. Help him with dinner" Bobby demanded, staring at Angel.

"It's fine" Jack protested, the thought of Angel helping him make dinner putting a slightly panicked look in his eyes. He still remembered the incident when he was 8 and the toaster caught fire. He'd been terrified when the alarm went off, and had hid underneath his bed. It had reminded him of other homes, not that they'd had fire alarms, but because of the fights. Bobby had found him of course and calmed him down. He'd then proceeded to tell him what to do in case of a fire, Angel standing in the doorway filling in. He'd told Jack he'd been in lots of fires before and had shot Bobby a look which Jack later understood. "I can do it".

Angel relaxed back into the couch and propped his feet up just as Jerry walked in the door. "Uhuh what now?" He asked Bobby when he noticed the sour look on his face.

"I haven't even said anything?" Bobby snapped.

"He's pissed cause he's not allowed to walk around by himself" Jack called out from the kitchen.

"Allowed my ass, I'll fucking walk where the fuck I want" Bobby grumbled, wincing when he leaned a little to much on his side.

"You can barely stand, just sit your ass down" Jerry commanded.

"Do as he says" Angel looked over at them, meeting Bobby's gaze steadily.

"What is this? Are you all ganging up on me?" Bobby was shocked to say the least. "Jack!" He bellowed when he saw that his brothers weren't budging.

"That's not gonna work, Jack knows what the Doc said and he's not gonna help you drag your ass around so that you'll get worse" Jerry calmly told him. Bobby glowered when no protest came from the kitchen. "Don't try to bully him into doing it either" Jerry warned him, pointing a finger warningly at him but quickly snapped it away when Bobby leaned forward a little too much.

Bobby growled a little, beyond irritated that his brother knew exactly what he'd been planning on doing. "Whatever. How much fucking worse can I get anyway? I'm already stuck in bed like some pussy".

"Just think of all the fun you'll have when your up and running again" Angel offered.

"Oh I will, believe me I will..." Bobby mumbled, laying back down on the bed. He was tired, and in pain, not that he'd ever tell these two that. Like he'd read his thoughts Jack walked in holding his pills and a glass of water.

"Here" He frowned when Bobby took them without a word. "How you feeling?"

"Fine" Bobby swallowed some water, coughing a little when Jack spoke.

"I don't like that word either"

"Well I actually feel fine so I can use it" Bobby snarked.

"Liar" Jack solemnly told him before retreating back to the kitchen.

"Come on Jack, don't be like that. Keep me company, these can fix something to eat, right?"

"He dosen't want my help" Angel reminded him.

"I'll help" Jerry said, forever the dutiful brother. He went in to the kitchen and returned less than a minute later. "Said he's got it under control" he shrugged and took a seat next to Angel on the couch.

Later that night Jack was the only one awake. He was laying on the couch watching a movie while Bobby slept. He was tired, but not tired enough to sleep and his thoughts kept wandering.

"_He didn't mean to do it" Bobby stated calmly but with hard eyes from his place by Jack's side. _

_Jack, Evelyn and Bobby were sitting in the principals office at Jack's school. Bobby had decided it was his duty to be at the meet as well, Evelyn had agreed after some persuasion from his side. The principal had objected, but when Evelyn and Bobby had made up their mind their was little he could say._

"_The fact that he didn't mean to do it dosen't change the fact that he did" The principal reminded Bobby sternly. _

"_Oh please, like this is something exstreme, you got kids out there sniffing glue and everything they can get their little grubby hands on, maybe you should focus on that huh? In fact..."_

"_What Bobby means is" Evelyn interrupted Bobby with a stern glare, telling him without words that if he didn't behave he would have to wait in the car "that Jack's history is a bit different from the rest as you know. Surely you can understand that Jack needs time to adjust?" _

"_While I know that Jack has a bit of a history I can't condone this kind of behaviour Evelyn. He punched a teacher and broke his nose!"_

"_He shouldn't have grabbed him" Bobby spat, ignoring the look Evelyn shot him "Is he stupid or what? You don't grab..." He stopped before the words 'abused children' could leave his mouth. Jack didn't need to hear that shit again._

"_I agree that Mr Bayard reacted harshly and I have spoken with him about it. He has decided not to press charges if Jack agrees to counseling"._

_Bobby felt Jack tense at his side. Not this again... "I don't think that's a good idea"_

"_Bobby" Evelyn warned. "Do you mean here at the school?"_

"_Well Mr Morry is very competent, I think it would be a good idea. What do you think Jack?"_

_When Jack didn't answer and continued his staredown with the floor the principal turned to Evelyn. "Maybe you can discuss this at home and get back to me?"_

Jack sighed and arranged the pillow under his head. Despite his own and Bobby's protests he'd ended up going to to see Mr Morry once a week. That stopped when he'd lost interest in getting Jack to talk. Turns out that you only need to be quiet for about six months before they lose interest.

Some time during the night Jack fell into a restless sleep. He woke up early the next morning to the sound of a car honking. He groaned and covered his eyes with his arm and was about to go back to sleep when Bobby's voice alerted him to the fact that his oldest brother was awake.

"You still dream about that?" Bobby asked quietly.

"What?" Jack asked, sleep and confusion making his voice even deeper than usual. He didn't remember what he dreamt last night, he just knew that he was tired as fuck and ready to go back to sleep for a few hours, or days. Had he been talking in his sleep again?

"When you had to see Mr Morry for a year"

"It was six months" Bobby rolled his eyes and Jack sighed, closing his eyes. "I haven't for a long time. I thought about it last night thats probably why I dreamt about it now".

Bobby nodded. He guessed that Jack had those dreams again because of Sweet. Everything that had happened had probably caused memories that had been pushed to the back of his head to surface again. And if he dreamt about that he sure as hell was dreaming about other things as well. He was worried. He knew something wasn't right here and if there was one thing Bobby had learned it was to trust his instincts and his instincts were telling him something was wrong with his little brother. He'd been acting differently since Bobby woke up from his coma, and sure he'd been shot and seen his brother be shot, but he had a feeling it was more than that. He just couldn't put his finger on what, and the damn pills weren't helping. Sure they were great for the pain but they made him sleepy and he usually lost his train of thought after popping a few. That shit had to stop. If he wasn't sure already that they were hiding something from him he would have guessed by the way someone always seemed to interrupt whenever he asked Jack a question that didn't involve that evenings dinner, or when he was at the hospital, if he could please change the channel from the old dudes in the stones to something a little more enjoyable and didn't have 60 years on their backs. Yeah something was definitely up, he thought as he watched his little brother rub his eyes, the darkness underneath them almost making him look like a vampire. Well with Jack's sleep during the day and brood during the night routine it wasn't that far a stretch anyway. Footsteps on the stairs alerted him to the fact that someone was coming down and Bobby took the opportunity to test his thoughts and prove his suspicions right.

"Hey Jack" He called out, a bit too loud as Jack was only sitting a short distance away. Said brothers head snapped up, startled, and Bobby realized that he'd been about to fall asleep again. "Can we talk?"

"About what? I'm tired Bobby" Jack complained and yawned loudly.

"Hey Jack, have you seen my jacket?" Angel walked in, wearing nothing but a pair of boxers and his dogtags.

Bobby took in the scene with grim eyes, that had been too easy. His brothers must think that he'd suddenly turned stupid just because he'd been shot.

"How about you start with a shirt or pants?" Jack mumbled, getting up and stretching before heading to the kitchen for some much needed caffeine.

"Is that a no?" Angel called out impatiently, sighing when he only received a mumbled answer. He turned to Bobby who was watching him with narrowed eyes. "How you feeling?"

"Like I've been shot three times" Bobby deadpanned without taking his eyes from Angel.

Angel chuckled and pulled up a chair and sat down next to the bed. "Yeah" His fingers traced his tags slowly, lost in thought for a second.

Bobby squinted "Those the same ones?" He gestured to the tags.

Angel looked up, a shy smile you didn't often see on his face. "Yeah"

Angel's dogtags had a long history, cause they were not the usual military ones. These had the first letter of his brothers names inprinted on the back. He'd been unsure about it, not wanting anyone to know who his family was should he be captured, in case they decided to use it against him, use it against his family, but then Jack had suggested he only put the first letter of their names there, and so he had. It made him feel close to them even when he hadn't been. That's going to change now though he swore. His family needed him, and he would never let them down again.

Bobby was quiet while he thought about family and honour. He had his own kind of honour, his own sense of duty. And it all revolved around protecting those he loved. He had done what his instincts propelled him to do, but he hadn't had any control over what happened later and he hated it. He hated not knowing, he hated that his brothers were keeping something from him, most of all he hated the haunted look in Jack's eyes.

As he met Angel's eyes he wondered what reason they had. What was so important that they couldn't tell him? Oh he wasn't stupid, he knew it wasn't to hurt him. Maybe to prevent him from blowing up, that made sense. Or they were protecting someone else... His eyes drifted to the kitchen where he could hear Jack humming on some song softly. He didn't have time to ponder that thought as Jack entered, carrying Bobby's breakfast and pills with him. Bobby looked down at the carefully arranged pancakes, bacon and egg, and felt his throat close up. His brother really was something else. So much different from himself. But at the same time not, and recently he had seen more of what they had in common rather than what they didn't. It felt like a cold hand was squeezing his heart tightly in his chest every time that thought came creeping along, which was becoming more and more often. From the corner of his eye he saw Angel's hand slowly edging towards his plate and he hit it sharply, causing him to pull it back with a curse. "Get your own fucking food" he said, glaring at him.

"Bobby" Angel whined.

"I'm serious you lazy ass"

Jack watched their interaction with tired eyes. He could barely keep them open.

"Jack, why don't you go upstairs and get some sleep" Bobby suggested "Angel can babysit" The last word was spoken ironically.

Jack yawned "I'm fine, I just need some more coffee"

"Your not fucking fine, you can barely stand, get some fucking sleep" Bobby ordered him and Jack hesitated, but complied when Angel chimed in.

"Listen to him Jack, you look like shit. I'll watch the baby" He teased

"Watch it" Bobby pointed to him.

"Fine, here" Jack handed over the pills and didn't move.

Bobby glanced up at him. "You gonna watch me every morning nurse?"

"Just take them. The doctor said we need to be careful and make sure you take them the time you're supposed to". Jack nodded his head like he was freaking Sigmund Freud and Bobby chuckled, putting the pills in his mouth and opening to show that they were gone.

"All gone"

Jack nodded and turned to walk up the stairs while Bobby wondered when his youngest brother had turned into the boss of him.

As soon as Jack was out of sight and Angel had gone to get breakfast he spit, the pills landing in his hand. He quickly stuffed them under his pillow and chuckled. He wasn't born yesterday. Jack wasn't the only Mercer with a history full of drugs. Though in the past Bobby didn't usually spit them out, but drastic times and all that. He was just as good as Jack at hiding pills, if not more. The ache in his chest questioned this newest idea but he ignored it. That shit was strong and it made him sleepy and unable to think, none of which he needed right now. Angel came in with a plate full of pancakes and took a seat on the couch shooting Bobby a grin. "Thank god one of us can cook".

"Amen" Bobby agreed, eyeing his brother with calculated eyes. "I've been meaning to ask you something".

Angel looked up, his mouth full of pancakes. "What?"

Bobby sighed "Chew you idiot, you'll suffocate"

"Big words" Angel mocked grinning.

"Why the fuck does everyone suddenly think they can get away with anything around here, I'll kick all your asses" Bobby muttered, glowering when Angel snickered and swallowed. "Anyway, we haven't really talked since I woke up".

"Been so much going on" Angel nodded, taking a sip of his coffee.

"Yeah" Bobby agreed "You know I always knew you'd take care of everyone if something happened"

Angel hummed in agreement, still a bit lost in the awesomeness that were Jack's pancakes, but he knew what Bobby meant. In their younger years Bobby had all but beat it into him, that if something were to happen to him then it would be Angel's job to look after the family. He hadn't needed to, Angel loved the responsibility and when Jack had come along he had loved being a big brother to him. Sure, Jerry was older than him, and in other matters he was in charge after Bobby, that was just the way it was, and he didn't have a problem with it, he never had. But there were some things Jerry were hesitant to do, while Angel didn't question it, and he knew that was why Bobby had been so insistent about it. Some things in Detroit needed to be handled a certain way, a way Angel had lots of experience of.

"You know me" Bobby continued and Angel looked over at him "that's what makes me wonder why you haven't told me yet".

Angel tensed, sensing a trap "Told you what?"

"About that day" Bobby spoke, his tone gentle but the underlying steel still there underneath.

"You trippin or something?" Angel chuckled, his guard up "We told you everything at the hospital"

"Yeah you told me you killed Sweet, and I may have been drugged to the point of seeing rainbows everywhere then, but now I'm laying here thinkin that I want to hear the whole story again, you want to know why?"

Oh Angel really didn't, but it seemed like he didn't really have a choice right now. Why the fuck didn't those painkillers kick in? They always made Bobby a little sleepy which was good according to the doctor cause it allowed his body to rest. Angel really wanted them to start their magic right now. "Are you sure this is..."

"I'm sure this is the best time yeah. I want you to tell me, cause I can't seem to get it together in my head Angel. At the hospital you told me that Jack had a hard time dealing, and that makes me wonder why".

"He watched you get shot Bobby, he thought you were going to die, we all did" Angel leveled his eyes at him.

"I know all that. Where was he then?"

"When?" Angel told himself to calm down, this was his brother, not the police. That somehow didn't make him any less worried.

"When you met with Sweet? He was there right? You didn't tell me, you just told me he had a nervous breakdown. Was he at the hospital or was he at the meet?" Bobby's voice was patient, like he was talking to a child that didn't understand what it was supposed to do.

Fuck, Angel swore to himself. He could feel the trap close around him, no one played this game better than his brother. He couldn't lie, cause sooner or later they would trip up and then Bobby would know he lied and wonder why. Or he would call the hospital and try to find someone, anyone, who worked there that day. Angel wouldn't put it past him. "He was at the meet, with us". He spoke softly, as if that could lessen the words impact.

Bobby nodded, he already knew that, he'd just wanted to hear it. "How did he handle it?"

"It went fine, I told you that"

"Oh I know, but that's what I don't get. You tell me he had a nervous breakdown, then what, a day, or days later he tags along to meet Sweet and just stands there like it's the most normal thing in the world to be eye to eye with the man who had his mother killed? Come on man, I know Jack. I know he's stubborn as all hell".

Angel tried to resist the urge to shift in his seat. He met Bobby's eyes calmly, or at least he hoped he looked calm. "We all wanted to see him dead" That wasn't a lie. They all had, it was just that Jack had so much hate that needed an outlet. "Jack too, nothing weird about that".

"I'm not questioning that. I just wonder why my brother has nightmares again, why he always wear long shirts now, why he's strung tigher than the principal at our old high school. Most of all I want to know what your hiding from me Angel?"

Their eyes met in a silent staring match.

**Puh, it's getting a bit tense here right?**

.


	12. Chapter 12

**A clue, Bobby's mad. You have been warned ;) I don't own four brothers.**

With Bobby's eyes boring into his own Angel found it hard not to break their stare. He wanted to look away, because Bobby wouldn't give up now that he obviously knew he was onto something, and he didn't want to see his big brothers gaze when he told him everything that had happened since that day he got shot. He also didn't want to put Jack on the spot. His little brother was hurting and he didn't want to add to the mix by spilling the beans to their overprotective brother, but he didn't know what else to do. He knew that Bobby would be pissed, and he foresaw a severe ass kicking in his own future, but he also knew that Jack needed Bobby right now. Still, telling Bobby was like walking in to the policestation carrying a machine gun. A very, very bad idea.

"Cat got your tongue?" Bobby interrupted his thinking, a serious look on his face despite the somewhat playful words. Angel knew there was nothing funny about this.

He took a deep breath and broke away from his brothers hard stare, opting to stare down at the floor instead. It was a cowardly move he knew, but he couldn't handle looking into Bobby's eyes as he told him how he had let him down. He had known it was stupid to let Jack roam around and do whatever he wanted but Bobby was right, the kid was stubborn as hell. But despite his stubborn nature Jack had always been the one Mercer easiest to handle, the one who hated violence and didn't start anything with anyone and only fought back if someone was pushing him, or if someone threathened his brothers, the calmest one. So how could he tell Bobby that all that had suddenly changed when he got shot. How would he tell me him he'd seen his little brother stare into the soulless eyes of Victor Sweet and pull the trigger without so much as a flinch?

There was no easy way to start this conversation, and Angel had always known it would come. They'd only been able to keep it from him because of those damned painkillers that didn't even work. He was taking those back first thing tomorrow, useless shit. He could see his brother wincing as he pushed himself to a sitting position and he reached forward to help him arrange the pillows but Bobby slapped his hands away with a glare and did it himself stubborn bastard that he was. He let out a sigh and wondered where he would start.

"Speak up Angel" Bobby demanded.

Angel raised his eyes from the floor to meet Bobby's eyes. He owed him that much. "When you got shot Jack blamed himself..."

Bobby's eyes darkened and his lips pressed tightly together. "I know that".

Angel nodded. "He lost it at the hospital, thought they were going to make him leave, and then went into this catathonic state".

Bobby swallowed. Oh he remembered those days in the past when Jack would lay silently, without seeing for hours at a time. In Angel's eyes he could see the sadness and the fear this reaction had brought out.

"The Doc wanted to have him moved to the looney bin but we refused, so instead we put him in your room, so we could keep an eye on both of you at the same time, should Sweet's guy's return to finish the job. We talked to him, talked to you, hoped and begged that you'd both wake up soon. We didn't know what to do" Angel looked away, out the window. "and then Jack came back. He was still Jack, still moody and a pain in the ass" Angel smiled a little at that, thinking about the headache his little brother had given him "but something was different. He was different. Bobby he was so angry, so hurt".

Bobby's mind was spinning. A part of him already knew what Angel would tell him, already knew what had happened, why Jack was different, but he didn't want to believe it, couldn't believe it.

"And we needed to deal with Sweet. We knew he wouldn't stop until we were all dead and we couldn't leave you unprotected in case they came to the hospital, so Jack came up with a plan, to make it seem like you were in danger, and you were, so that the hospital would keep a close eye on you and have extra security around the room while we met with Sweet. It wasn't that hard for them to believe, you and Jack had just been shot".

"And then you met with Sweet?" Bobby asked.

Angel shook his head slowly, remembering how he'd looked up and seen Fowler stand in the doorway glaring at them. "Nah. Fowler was smarter than we thought, or not, since he came here by himself".

"Right" Bobby nodded again. He remembered that, they'd told him Fowler came to the house before the meet. "And Jerry killed him?"

Now it was Angel's turn to nod, altough a bit hesitantly. It was true that Jerry had been the one who killed Fowler, but if he hadn't Jack would have. Jack had been prepared to kill him and even if he hadn't Fowler would probably still have died from bloodloss, judging by the look of him when he came down to the basement.

Bobby saw his brother hesitate and instantly knew there was more to this story than what he'd been told. He pressed down the rage at being tricked about this too and instead fixed Angel with a steady glare that made most men turn and walk the other way. "What are you not telling me?"

Angel shook his head and sighed again. "Maybe you should..."

Bobby almost growled, his temper finally flaring "Stop bullshitting and tell me what the fuck happpened".

"Jack happened"

Bobby blinked. But they said Jerry had been the one to kill him. Angel must have seen the confusion on his face because he continued reluctantly.

"Jack wanted to know if Sweet suspected anything. I tried to get him to talk but he didn't budge. We had tied him up down in the basement then. And then Jack yelled saying Sofi was on the phone threatening to come over if I didn't talk to her. She was raving about some other girl that she claimed had been here. While I was talking to her Jack went down to the basement and went ripper on Fowler's ass".

"Jack hit Fowler?" Bobby asked despite the sneaking suspicion that this was more complicated than a few punches being thrown.

"That too. He shoved a knife in his leg and burned him with cigarettes" he let Bobby process this before he continued. "it worked. He said Sweet didn't suspect and since we're all still here he was telling the truth".

A cold hard fist was squeezing Bobby's heart for all it was worth. He felt once again like he couldn't breathe. In his mind memories of Jack mixed with pictures of him doing all those things Angel had just told him. His mind flashed back to one of Jack's many scars, the one from a cigarette. He took a shuddering breath and leaned his head forward, closing his eyes, like it was too heavy to keep upright anymore. Oh Jack...

Angel stared at him with sympathetic eyes. He knew Bobby would take this like a personal failure, just like he himself did, but Bobby had always been Jack's number one protector, and not just physically.

"So the phonecall" Bobby started, his voice unusually subdued "that was Jack's doing right?"

Angel hesitated, not wanting to sell Jack out like that, but he could see that Bobby already knew. "Yeah, bought himself some time alone with Fowler".

Bobby nodded. He knew it from the first mention of the call. He knew how devious Jack could be, he'd just never seen it like this before. A flash of pain raked through his body and he winced, seems like the lack of painkillers were making itself known. He adjusted himself with a groan, Angel's concerned eyes following his every move.

"I'm sorry" Angel said without taking his eyes from Bobby's face. "I tried"

Bobby sighed and looked away. He was angry, at Angel, at Jerry, at Jack, and most of all himself. He wanted to throw something and scream and rage. The need to destroy something was lighting his nerve endings on fire but he tried to control himself. "Why didn't you stop him?"

"I tried" Angel said again "and I know you don't want to hear this, but he needed this, at that time he did".

"It's Jack, Angel" Bobby's voice raised a little in volume, showing some of the fire that was brewing underneath his stoic mask "the last fucking thing he needs is this".

"You think I wanted this? You think any of us did? I would have done anything to keep him from this, but it wasn't like I could chain him up somewhere". Bobby's face said that was exactly what he should have done. "There was no stopping him. He was set on making him pay".

"Fowler?" Bobby asked, suddenly wondering who he was talking about. Something lingered in the back of his mind but before he could grasp the thought they heard the backdoor open and close. Angel's eyes snapped up to his and he got up, tension suddenly thick in the air.

"You expecting someone?" Bobby asked, his voice low.

"Sofi never uses the backdoor" Angel answered and walked silently towards the backdoor, ignoring Bobby's harsh whispers demanding that he'd wait for him while struggling to get up. When he arrived the door was closed and no one was in sight. He turned to look at his oldest brother leaning against the doorway, both of them wondering what was up. Bobby's eyes suddenly widened and looked towards the stairs.

"Jack"

Angel took off for the stairs without another word. Taking them three at a time he soon arrived at Jack's closed bedroom door and without hesitation opened it. He was greeted by the sight of an empty room. Spotting something on the windowsill he went over and picked up the bag of weed. Everything looked like it always did, clothes on the floor, guitar leaning against the bed. Ashtray sitting on the nightstand. Sensing a presence behind him he turned to see Bobby standing in the doorway holding his chest. Bobby spotted the bag in Angel's hand and went over, ignoring the the sharp pain each step caused.

"Did you know he was smoking again?" He asked, taking the bag from Angel's hand.

Angel shook his head, the guilt once again settling in. He like Bobby, wondered what else their youngest brother had been up to lately. "think he heard us talking and took off?" He asked Bobby quietly.

"Why would he run?" Bobby asked. His head was spinning trying to figure out what Jack was thinking.

"He's probably afraid of how you'll react" Bobby looked up at him "We all were".

"I'm fucking mad, cause ya'll kept this from me Angel, I'm furious, but he didn't need to run, he knows i'd never hurt him". Bobby scoffed.

"It's not about that Bobby" Angel shook his head sadly. "it's not you being mad that he's worried about".

Bobby straightened up and glared at Angel with eyes hard as stone. "What the fuck are you on about now, how about you tell me the fucking truth Angel, cause it sure as hell seem like your not telling me everything. So he stabbed Fowler, it's not like I'll blow a casket over it" Bobby spat out, ignoring the fact that he'd been about to do just that a few minutes ago. Angel averted his eyes and alarm bells went off in Bobby's head as he looked at his brother. When he spoke his voice was low and cold enough for all hell to freeze over and the tempature in the room dropped several degrees. "I know your all not stupid enough to let what I'm thinking about, happen, Angel" He took the few steps seperating them and grabbed his arm in a viselike grip. "Tell me I'm wrong goddamnit!"

"What the hell are ya'll doing?" Bobby and Angel both spun around to look at a bewildered Jerry standing in the doorway. "Where's Jack?"

Bobby shoved Angel away from him with a snarl and turned to Jerry whose eyes widened seeing the look in Bobby's eyes. "Why the fuck have you kept this from me?" he took a step forward only to wobble a little, the pain in his chest making him dizzy. Angel and Jerry both reached out to steady him but he pushed their hands away, glaring at them, silently daring them to try it again. "Fucking answer me!"

"Bobby just calm down" Jerry held his hands up, his voice steady despite the panic spreading through his body.

"Don't fucking tell me to calm down Jerry! Just tell me the fucking truth!"

"It's not our place to tell" Jerry answered, the guilt plain as day on his face.

"Bullshit!" Bobby spat, pointing his finger at them. "You all decided to keep this from me then you can fucking tell me now"

"Bobby" Angel tried to cut in but Bobby took a few steps closer and ended up in front of him, boring a hole through his skull with his furious eyes.

"Don't fucking push me Angel, if the next words out of your mouth isn't a damned good explaination then so help me god I will wipe the floor with your ass, gunshot wounds or not".

Angel didn't doubt his words and shot a look over at Jerry, hovering behind Bobby, but not close enough to piss him off even more.

"Look we can all talk later, right now we need to find Jack" Jerry tried to reason, having come to the conclusion that his youngest brother must have taken off for some reason, probably because of what was going on right now.

Bobby's shoulders sagged and he turned to look at Jerry, looking like all the air had left him. His brown eyes looked dull and hopeless and Jerry swallowed hard. This was not the brother he was used to seeing. Not this empty shell.

"I don't know where he'd go" he spoke softly, the fire in his body gone for the moment, being replaced with fear for his brother. Who knew what he was doing right now. Knowing Jack it was nothing good. Bobby cursed himself, how could he have been so stupid. Of course Jack would be scared if he overheard them.

Angel and Jerry was silent too, all of them realizing that while before they would have known exactly which places Jack would visit when he was in a mood, they now had no idea.

**Seems like some people have gotten on Bobby's shitlist today, I sure as hell wouldn't want to be there ;) and where is Jack?**


	13. Chapter 13

**I know it's a bit early yet, but I kind of have plans for a sequal to this story. We're nowhere near finished, and for all I know you'll be so tired of me that you'll beg me stop lol. So I guess I'm wondering if anyone would be interested in that? Without giving too much away it would probably take place a few months after this one ends. The thing is I have an angle I'm itching to explore, and I think with LOI and this story as background it could be interesting. Anyway let me know, I aim to please. Well mostly. Oh, and this chapter contains selfharm, I know i've warned you all before about that but I'm doing it again. I also want to say that I'm not trying to glorify it in any way, I'm simply trying to explain how Jack feels about pain, according to me. I don't own four brothers. **

He signaled the bartender for another round and he complied without fuss despite the fact that empty glasses were now littering the table around him. In a place like this no one cared, you could probably fall over dead and no one would bat an eye. It suited him just fine. He only cared about numbing the pain and trying to forget everything that happened. Forget that his mother was dead, forget that his brother had almost died, forget the anger in Bobby's voice and the resignation in Angel's.

_Stop bullshitting and tell me what the fuck happpened! _

_Jack happened._

_He shoved a knife in his leg and burned him with cigarettes. _

He emptied the glass in one go, the alcohol burning his throat but he welcomed the bitter sting. He enjoyed the almost pain. His left hand touched the small pills hidden in his pocket. It was almost too easy for someone to find a little oblivion. Lucky for him he'd always known where to go. His lips pulled up in an almost smile. Yeah, lucky him.

In another part of town a car was racing down the streets, it's occupants tense and each one of them carrying a guilt of their own. Bobby was staring out the windshield silently, his lips pressed into a tight line while Jerry drove. After a short lived discussion Jerry had gotten behind the wheel, claiming he had the right since it was his car. Angel had agreed quickly. Bobby had only agreed cause they were wasting time. They couldn't exactly take his car since it was at the bottom of the Detroit river.

"_We really shouldn't be doing this" Jack murmured as they prepared to dump the car. _

_Bobby looked over at him, a frown on his hard face. Jack had been quiet ever since they left their mothers murderers dead in the snow, choosing to sit silently and stare out the window as they drove and discussed where to dump the car. Bobby hadn't been happy about it but he knew it had to be done. It was too damaged for any mechanic not to ask any questions. He knew some who probably wouldn't if paid right, but he didn't want to leave any loose ends behind. Not this time, not with so much at risk with all his brothers involved. He'd looked at Jack's pale face in the mirror as he drove towards the river but Jack wouldn't meet his eyes or he didn't see Bobby staring at him, too lost in thoughts. "We have too" He finally answered Jack._

"_I know that" Jack shot back._

_Seemed like his moody little brother was back for now at least._

_Jack continued "It's an american heritage river. They've been cleaning it up for years"_

_Angel snorted "Since when did you start hugging trees?"_

_Jack shot him a look and then shrugged. "Just saying. They might find it, they're trying to keep this place a bit cleaner now". _

_Bobby tore his eyes from the waterfront and regarded him silently for a few seconds before turning back to what he was doing. "My fucking luck. Dosen't matter anyway, we need to ditch this now before Green comes knocking. We're taking the plates anyway"._

_And so they did. As Bobby's car slowly disappeared from view they stood silently in a row watching, the citylights shining across the water. _

"Should we check at Johnny's?"

Jerry's voice made Bobby snap back to reality. He mulled this over for a few seconds before shaking his head. Jack wouldn't be there. "He's not there".

"How do ya know?" Jerry took his eyes off the road to look at his brother sitting slightly hunched over next to him, obviously trying to hide how much pain he was really in. It hadn't mattered what he and Angel said, he wasn't staying home while they looked for Jack. His harsh words were still ringing in his ears. _You think I'm going to let you two go off without me? No fucking way. For all I know you'd come back saying he was resting in some freaking convent in Tibet and how would I know, it's not like I can trust you to tell me the fucking truth. _The sharp words had hurt even though he knew they deserved them.

"Because he know we'll look there. He dosen't want to be found" Bobby stated matter of factly without taking his eyes from the window.

"I'll give Johnny a call, tell him to let us know if he sees him or hears anything" Angel offered from the backseat, fishing out his phone when Bobby nodded.

"We'll never find him this way" Jerry mumbled "The city's too big to just search everywhere. I hope you have a plan". That last part was directed at his older brother, the words ironic in light of everything he had ever said about Bobby's plans.

"I do" Bobby nodded.

When he didn't say anything else Angel finished his call with Johnny and leaned forward a little. "Plan on sharing?" He knew he was pushing his luck. Bobby was pissed as all hell and he really should just shut the fuck up until he calmed down some time during the next century, but his worry for Jack overrode his own sense of self-preservation.

Bobby chuckled a little and met Angel's eyes through the mirror. "I don't know Angel, can I trust you to trust me?"

"Of course I trust you man" Angel spoke back, the only thing keeping him from flinching and turning his eyes away was his military training.

"You sure about that?" Bobby asked, eyes hard and dark.

Angel just nodded, knowing his brother could see the small gesture.

"So what's the plan? Where do we go?" Jerry asked, desperate to end the tension in the car, or at least make it somewhat bearable.

Bobby turned his eyes back to the window, his eyes searching everything they rushed past. "His past. We start at his past" He took a deep breath and when he spoke again his voice was gentle for the first time since his conversation with Angel back at the house. "I don't know where he is but I know what he wants".

The bar was closing and Jack was tired. He paid his bill and then got up to use the restroom. He splashed a little water on his face, his tired eyes staring back at him from the mirror when he lifted his head. Before he knew what he was doing his hand struck out and the mirror shattered into hundreds of pieces. He stared almost in trance down at them. Those sharp edges that took away the hurt and made him feel better. He knew they did, he'd walked this road long enough to know. He reached down and picked one of them up. He slowly rolled up his shirt and removed his leather bracelet, stuffing it into his pocket almost as an afterthought. The glass was cold against his skin and he shivered both in cold and anticipation. They say the first cut is always the deepest. In some cases it is, but not when it comes to this. Because after that first time you only want to go deeper, be more numb, your that much more desperate to find the relief you know exists within your reach.

When the glass opens the skin of his arm he lets out a sigh and closes his eyes and push a little deeper, always a little bit more. His blood is warm as it trails down his arm in silent rivers of heartache and despair. He lifts the glass edge to a new place and press again, a little more rushed this time sensing that time is running out and sure enough there's a knock on the door, someone demanding to know what is going on. He opens his eyes to glare at the door. Why is it so fucking impossible to find some kind of peace without anyone interrupting? He shoves the shards of glass down into the waste basket, pausing for a second before turning the water on and cleaning the one he'd used to cut himself. Bobby would have been proud. His chuckle turn into a sob halfway out and he slaps his hand against his head hard, the blood at his wrist staining the side of his face. Like Bobby would ever be proud of him anymore. Jack didn't blame him. He obviously wasn't who Bobby had thought. He tosses the last shard of glass and quickly wraps a few papertowels around his arm and pulls his shirt down before picking up his leather jacket and pulling it on. He opens the door to glare at the short man standing there before shouldering past him without a word, the smaller man deciding to keep his mouth shut despite the fact that Jack had all but pushed him against the wall.

When he leaves the bar he's too lost in his own thoughts to notice that he's being followed.

**Sorry for the short chapter but I wanted to put a chapter up since I wont be able to write again until Wednesday due to me finishing up in school and moving all my stuff to my parents house for the summer, but the next update will be before the weekend for sure, probably sooner since I can't tear myself away he. **


	14. AUTHORS NOTE

**Just realized something. It's probably ice on the Detroit river in the winter, and thus pretty hard to sink a car. But I have a plan, and according to me they kept the river open on the winter for transportation purposes, with the help of icebreakers and stuff. I have no idea if they actually do that, but it sounds possible right? I know they do that around here where I'm from at least. So in my story part of the river was kept open for transport, while the part (if that is indeed the Detroit river) where the meet takes place is closed, and is further away.**

**I could of course change that part of the story but I kind of like it, as I've wondered what happened to Bobby's car. As we all know it was pretty thrashed after the car chase. So anyway hope you'll forgive my little slip up there. Have a good day everybody!**

**/Greetings from a studentroom who now only exist of one computer, one cup of cold coffee and one tired student with bag the size of Texas under her eyes. **


	15. Chapter 15

**Puh. I have now moved all my stuff for the summer, I'm hoping to spend many evenings on my parents balcony writing like crazy and drinking coffee like there's no tomorrow. Note to self: When did this site become my own personal diary? Get a grip girl. Sigh.**

**Lucy, honestly when I read your reviews I usually react in one of two ways, 1. Omg that's exactly what I'm thinking! Or 2. Damn why didn't I think of that/write it like that. It's really nice to find someone who helps you write and is as invested in a story or the characters as the writer. On the to the story! *takes cover behind rock, then peaks when realizes that there were no hords storming through* LOL. I don't own four brothers, please don't sue and all that. **

"_Mom?"_

_When no one answered he slowly opened the door and there she was. She was sitting in front of the mirror staring silently. He approached her silently, not sure if she wanted him to come in or if she would hit him for it. "Mom?"_

_Her empty eyes turned to look at him as she finally realized he was in the room. Brown empty eyes stared silently as if asking who he was. He shuffled closer, still afraid but at the same time desperate._

"_I'm hungry" He mumbled quietly, as if apologizing for having to bother her. She didn't answer at first, just continued to stare at him with that empty look in her eyes. He hated that look. _

_She finally reacted by smiling softly, sadly, and reached out and wrapped an arm around his shoulders and pulled him closer to her bony body. He stiffened at once. She never touched him, he couldn't remember the last time she had. She didn't notice and turned his head to meet her eyes in the mirror._

"_Don't worry honey" Her dazed eyes glazed over a little as she lost contact with his eyes. For a while she stared unseeingly before again smiling softly. "Soon everything will be better". Then her arm dropped from his shoulders and she swayed a little, frowning at him when he reached out to steady her. "Don't touch me"._

_His hand snapped back as if he'd been burned and he backed away, keeping his wary eyes on her suddenly cold ones. As she turned back to the mirror she again mumbled that soon, soon everything would be better. _

_He slept badly that night and at 4 he couldn't take it anymore. He had a bad feeling in his stomach and his body was nervous, almost itchy. He walked along the old wooden floor silently until he reached their room. He knew it was just the two of them tonight and while that usually would have been good news he couldn't shake the bad feeling he had. He slowly opened the door. She was laying on the bed, her head turned towards him when he entered. Her eyes now completely glazed over stared at him with what to him seemed like an accusation. Bobby had never seen a dead person before, but somehow he still knew right away that she was gone. That she had left him._

The tension in the car could be cut with a knife. There was no sign of Jack yet and no one seemed to know anything. They were all worried but unwilling to voice their fears even though they were all thinking about it. What if they didn't find him? What if it were already too late?

Bobby continued to try and push those thoughts away. They weren't too late, they wouldn't be, because he wouldn't accept it. He wouldn't. They would find Jack and then Bobby would hug him, and then he'd kick his fairy ass. Yeah, that was how this was going to end.

They'd been driving around the more shady parts of Detroit for more than two hours now and there was still no sign of Jack. Angel and Jerry didn't question Bobby's directions, they knew as well as he did what Jack was looking for. He had probably already found it.

"I'm sorry" Angel broke the tense silence in the car, staring at Bobby from the backseat. "We thought it was better if you didn't know everything while you were still recovering, and everything just spun out of control".

When Bobby didn't answer Jerry spoke.. "We didn't want to lie Bobby"

"Yet, you did" Bobby's voice was now calm as he stared out the window, a frown on his face. "and that's not even the worst of it. I feel like what you told me back at Ma's is just the start. And there's a whole lot more going on that you haven't told me". When his brothers didn't speak or bother to defend themselves he chuckled. "yeah, that's what I thought".

_Living with a parent, or parents, who drink, or do drugs you quickly learn to walk on your toes, to determine moods and feel tension in the air. You know exactly when a fight is brewing and a drink is waiting. You hear it in the way they walk, they way they close a kitchen cabinet and the way they speak. You try to make yourself smaller, just wanting to disappear altogether cause the sounds of the slamming, the cries, and things being broken is painful, more than that word can describe. You want to crawl into a dark corner, and if your able to, you do. You put your hands over your ears and press your eyes closed tightly, silent tears streaming down your face and you feel like the world is about to end. In a way it is, your world. Every night it ends. _

_Despite everything, despite what he knew and what he'd seen Bobby fell into that same trap himself. He was young and stubborn, determined that he could quit if he wanted. More than that he just wanted to have some fun. He was convinced that nothing in this world could be worthwhile, and why would he then waste time going through it? He knew deep down that it was the pain of everything that had happened that he wanted to dull a little bit. And it's hard not to, when it's everywhere you look. So he fell but managed to crawl up again. He didn't like it. The feeling of losing control, of being at the mercy of others made his skin crawl. He detested that shit, cause it made him weak. It made him a slave, at the mercy of it and everyone else. And Bobby was no slave._

_He discovered that even though his past hurt it didn't have to control him. He couldn't escape, and the best way was to just shoulder through, push through the pain and fear and take control. _

_He swore to himself that no one, or anything, would ever control him again. _

They'd left the car and were now searching through the bar's downtown without any luck and Bobby was ready to explode. He was pissed and he was worried, a real fucking bad combination for him. He'd already burned a hole through Jerry with his gaze when he accidently pushed him a little when they entered this place. Bobby could tell almost straight away that Jack wasn't there. Where the hell had he gone?

On another street Jack were walking along slowly, dreading going home and at the same time wanting nothing else. He wondered what he would say to Bobby when he finally faced him again. He couldn't apologize, because even though it crushed him to know that Bobby probably hated him he couldn't regret what he did, because he did it for him, for them. Painful as it was, it was worth it. Because he were alive. And if the cost was him hating Jack then so be it. At least he were still alive, all his brothers were. The only thing he regretted was not being able to be the brother Bobby had wanted.

Footsteps suddenly alerted him to the fact that he wasn't alone anymore. He tensed but tried to hide and peeked discreetly through the corner of his eye behind him. Sure enough someone was walking along behind him. For how long he didn't know and he cursed his stupidity. No one walked along these streets with their head up their ass. Well except for him of course. Glancing around he didn't see anyone else around and no obvious place to go, except for some alleys. He took a left and entered one, walking long enough to be hidden by the shadows but not too far from the street. If the unknown man, and he was sure it was a man, entered the alley he would know for sure that he was being followed.

Soon footsteps were again heard and when a shadow passed by his hiding space he struck out, his closed fist hitting the man straight in the throat. A pained gasp was heard and he quickly stepped out to gaze down at the man gasping for air on the ground. A black, middleaged man glared up at him before struggling to his feet. Jack let him, only because he wanted to know why he was following him. He could almost hear Bobby chanting in his head, _Never let them up, never give them the chance to get up... _

"What do you want?" he asked while standing up to his full length.

"You Jack Mercer?" The man rasped out, still trying to catch his breath.

"What's it to you?" The stubborn kid with attitude problems were making a comeback recently.

"I was a friend of Evan's"

Jack mentally groaned. He didn't need this right now. His arm itched where he'd cut himself and his shirt was soaked through with blood, he could feel it sticking to his skin. Figuring he already knew what this was about he spoke again, trying to appear confident, like Bobby always did. Looking like he didn't give a shit, simply because he didn't have too. "Evan knew what he was getting into". He stared straight into the guy's eyes, showing him that he wasn't intimidated, even though he kind of was.

The guy laughed, a bitter laugh that sounded hollow in Jack's ears. "Yeah, he was always stupid like that. Ya know he always said nice things about your brother, Jerry right?"

Jack tensed at that. Even though the guy hadn't even uttered a threat or said anything that might sound like it he didn't like that the guy mentioned one of his brothers. "Jerry liked Evan. He was very sad when he died". Even in his own ears the words sounded kind of lame.

"Yeah. Right. Sure". The man glared. "So sad that he didn't even come to his funeral".

"Muriel didn't want us there" That was true, she hadn't. Jerry had wanted to go but had stayed home to respect her wishes. He figured he owed her that. Jack figured they didn't owe that family shit. Evan had been one of Victor's men, and had only switched sides after money was placed on the table. He'd sided with them out of greed, not loyalty, and most importantly he'd been involved with Sweet when his mother was killed, and his brother was shot. He'd never forgive that. Jack hadn't grieved Evan, mostly cause he thought he got what he deserved. He'd kept that thought to himself cause he knew Jerry was upset about it.

"Can you blame her?" The man spat at him and Jack had had just about enough. Who had defended his family? Who had defended his mother? Them as they were being shot at from every possible angle? No one. Not one fucking person.

His thoughts made his eyes harden and his voice turn cold. Because here this guy was, defending someone who was dead because he'd chosen greed over Sweet, both shitty choices. "I don't care" The man's eyes widenend at that, having probably expected some kind of defence speech about how sorry he was and all that. Oh he was sorry for a lot of things, and there wasn't anything left for Evan. "I didn't before and I sure as hell don't now".

"What the fuck is your problem?" The man glared at him.

"Right now it's you, and if you don't get the fuck out of here I'll fucking beat it into you so you finally get the message". The words were a clear threat, and it made the man take a step back. Jack could see in his eyes that he was scared, and it felt good. His blood pumped wildly through his without warning he struck out and managed to land one on Jack's cheek, snapping his head to the side. Jack straightened up immediately and with a low growling sound faked a hit to his face, just to slam his fist into the man's stomach. He bent over with a groan just in time for Jack's other fist to hit him and he fell to the ground again. Rage blackened his gaze and Jack kicked him once, twice, three times in the stomach. He thought he heard something crack but didn't know what. The man's wail like scream stopped him short and he looked down into his frightened eyes, in his eyes seeing himself, his stormy blue eyes with the mad glint in them, fists raised. His own eyes widened and he took a step back as Evan's friend struggled to his feet and limped away as fast as he could, obviously afraid that he'd follow him.

Jack didn't, he was still standing in that same spot, still seeing the man's frightened eyes looking up at him.

**I just can't stop tormenting poor Jack, but really, you guys didn't expect him to wake up one day just fine and dandy right? ;)**


	16. Chapter 16

**Sorry for the delay peeps but here it is! Hope you like this chapter, someone's soul searching... guess who? I don't own four brothers or the line below which comes from a song by Delta Goodrem, "Lost without you".**

_I keep trying to find my way but all I know is I'm lost without you. _

The cold behind his back reminds him of the snow that day. But this isn't snow, it's an alleywall and his brother can't save him now. After Evan's friend had taken off like a bat out of hell, Jack chuckled a little at that, he'd slowly sunk to the ground, his back hitting the wall behind him with a dull thud that he'd barely felt. He supposed it was only fitting that he couldn't feel now, after wishing for that blissful ignorance so many years before. _Oh Jackie... _He heard Evelyn's sad murmur as if she was right next to him. But he knew she wasn't. Evelyn was dead, and with her a part of him had died, the rest had been broken into pieces as he watched his brother fight for his life after saving his. _You feel Jack, you just feel too much at times... _This time he was sure she wasn't there with him, cause that was a memory from his childhood, after one of his breaks and he'd told her that he was broken, and that he'd never be able to feel anything ever again, his sobs echoing in the kitchen. _Jackie... Hey, look at me. I know bad things happened to you before you came to me. But your safe now... _

Of course, at that time Evelyn didn't know about Victor Sweet, didn't know that Jerry would grow up and get into trouble, hadn't known that she would die and that they'd all come home to avenge her. She hadn't known that he would hold his bleeding brother as he closed his eyes for what he thought was the last time.

"You were wrong Ma..." Jack whispered.

He'd tried to avoid it, tried to stop thinking about it, dream about it, but he couldn't. Just like he'd never been able to escape his past, he was now unable to escape the truth about himself. And it was there, in that alley in a dirty area of Detroit that Jack Mercer's past and present collided. He was sitting in an alley just like he'd done back then, he was tired and he was scared, just like he'd been then. Only difference was that this time he wasn't a kid anymore, and the blood slowly drying on his clothes wasn't his own.

"_Did you know that butterflies only live for one day, just one day before they die"_

_Bobby looked over at his youngest brother with two eyebrows raised. Jack was sitting with his back against the fence surrounding the park Evelyn had told him to take him to. She was baking a cake for Jack's birthday and wraping his gifts and so it had fallen on Bobby to entertain the little fairy. He'd grumbled and sighed when Evelyn told him but secretly he was thrilled. Bobby couldn't ever remember being in a park when he was kid. Evelyn had tried to take him once when he'd arrived at her place but he'd told her no. Back then he'd been to busy acting like he didn't give a shit about her or anyone else to even think about admitting that a walk in the park did sound pretty damn nice. By the time he knew better he was to old to stroll down to the park, at least he'd thought he was. He watched as Jack's eyes followed a yellow butterfly as it landed close to him. For some reason he wanted Jack to have everything he didn't. Of course he knew that was impossible. The kid had already been fucked up enough times to know what a shitty world this really was, and Bobby knew that a few afternoons spent in the park wouldn't change that. But he wanted to try. It was important to him, and no one had been more surprised than him when he realized it. If he was honest with himself he knew it was more than that. Sure he wanted Jack to have everything the rest of them never had at his age, but that wasn't all there was to it. He wanted Jack to be everything he himself wasn't, everything he would never be able to be. _

"_First you start with that lame ass music and now butterflies? Oh man what did I do wrong?" Bobby teased, only chuckling when Jack glared at him. His little brother was exstremely sensitive about his music interest, something Bobby loved taking advantage of. "Just kidding Jackie-O, I didn't know that. Sucks to be them". Bobby said, trying to sound symphatic while trying to hide his grin. Trust Jack to be upset cause the butterflies only lived for a day. _

"_I don't think so. Maybe they're lucky" Jack offered casually._

_Too casually and Bobby's eyes narrowed. Of course he already knew about Jack's depressive moods, how couldn't he? They lived in the same house and the walls were thin. And you had to be pretty stupid to not see the little kogs turning underneath that blonde mass of hair. His little brother had a death wish, and Bobby hoped to God he would never act on it. "They're not lucky Jack"._

_Jack's blue eyes turned to him, a curious gaze in them that Bobby was starting to really dread. "How do you know"?_

_Bobby rolled his eyes. "I just do"_

"_That's not an answer" Jack shot back to Bobby's surprise. He usually avoided direct confrontation like this._

"_Well your question wasn't really a question either so..." Bobby shrugged._

_Jack looked like he wanted to argue but after a few seconds he looked towards where the butterfly had been. He was sad to discover that it was now gone. "It's gone..." He mumbled, eyes downcast. _

_Bobby felt that tugging again in his heart, something that always happened when Jack was sad for some reason. And if you were Jack there were always a lot of reasons to chose from. "Hey maybe you made his one day a little better?"_

"_What do you mean?" Jack asked, moving closer to him as if he was expecting Bobby to tell him some infinitive wisdom. _

"_Well, he parked his fairy wings" at this he grinned at Jack who frowned in response "right next to you. Maybe he wanted to spend his one day there". As Jack didn't seem to be getting what he was trying to say he sighed impatiently and tried again. "Maybe he thought it was okay to live just one day, if he got to spend it with the right people". _

"_But it's just one day" Jack cut in, a frown covering his young face. _

"_Hey you don't know what it meant to him" Bobby cut in firmly and then flopped down on his back in the grass, Jack's curious eyes following him. "I can't fucking believe I'm talking about butterflies in the park" He fixed a glare on Jack's face "Let's keep this conversation to ourselves alright". _

"_Okay" Jack mumbled, still lost in thoughts about living just one day._

Without warning Jerry turned on the light and made a sharp turn, parking the car carelessly on the side of the street. Horns blared at them and someone shouted something colorful in response. He took a deep breath and stopped the car and braced himself for the tornado. He didn't have to wait long.

"What the hell are you doing?" Bobby's furious voice filled the car.

"We need to think" Jerry responded and turned to face his oldest brother, trying not to flinch at the ice in his eyes.

"Start the car Jerry" Bobby's voice was colder than the ice in his eyes. In the backseat Angel sent a quick prayer to anyone listening that the next second wouldn't result in a full blown fight. Something that was looking more and and more probable as the seconds ticked on.

"We're not gonna find him like this" Jerry's voice was calm, despite the fact that he was sick with worry for Jack.

"Just start the fucking car" Bobby again commanded, the strain in his voice obvious to everyone in the car.

"Bobby we need to think about this, where would he go?"

Bobby lost what little patient he had left and punched the dashboard "I don't fucking know? To his dealer? Some shitty ass street full of fucking idiots?"

"Calm down" Angel leaned forward "Just calm the fuck down both of you. Bobby Jerry's right, we need to think for a second".

Bobby took a deep breath and tried to push back the urge to total the car completely. He knew they were right, he knew they needed to think and plan, but the clock was ticking and every minute Jack was wandering the streets doing whatever he was doing was bad, they needed to find him. "I know alright" he closed his eyes on a sigh and turned towards the window, facing away from his brothers eyes. "It's just..." He trailed off, not knowing how to continue.

"I know" Jerry spoke "I'm worried too". And he was.

"We'll find him" Angel chimed in from the backseat, his hand landing on Bobby's shoulder, expecting him to push it off. He was surprised when Bobby let it rest there. His nerves rattled a bit despite his calm facade. This wasn't like Bobby. Bobby was always worrying and barking orders, but this was different, he knew that much. He too had noticed Jack's off mood, and even if he hadn't known why he still would have reacted. Now he knew exactly why his little brother was running away, or around, and avoiding facing them, or rather facing Bobby.

"We will" Bobby agreed. They'd better find him soon, and if it turned out that he was trying to buy or in some other shit he would just have to beat the shit out of any fucker who dared mess with his brother. His fist clenched again, the rage in his body snapping it's jaws like it was a wild and living thing. If anything happened to Jack... If anything happened to Jack, then everyone could go to hell as far as he was concerned, and he'd help them get there.

_There were always whispers. For as long as he could remember there had been whispers and pointed looks. Back then it used to be because he was the new kid, the foster child. Now, he knew it was because he was a Mercer. In this school and in this town it meant something. Mostly it meant people kept away from him. That was fine with him, he liked it that way. He'd always been a loner, and he didn't see that changing any time soon. Sitting on the steps he fished out a cigarette. He'd barely had time to light it before Bobby's car came into view. Jack quickly put it out and stood, fishing some gum out of his pocket and chewing rapidly before heading over to the car, Bobby's impatient voice telling him to hurry the fuck up. When seated they shot away down the street, leaving horrified teachers behind. _

"_Stop that"_

"_Stop what?" Jack asked chewing like the world was about to end._

"_That annoying clicking of your teeth. It's not like I can't smell the smokes a mile away you know"._

_Jack gulped and swallowed the gum, making him cough a little._

"_See? That's what smoking does to you kid"_

"_That wasn't..." Jack started before Bobby cut him off._

"_Just stop okay? Besides it smells like shit and Ma dosen't like it"_

_If Jack had been a braver kid he would have told Bobby how much he sounded like a Mama's boy, but of course he didn't. He was stupid enough to smoke, but taunting Bobby Mercer was a whole different ballgame. _

He remembered when he was just a kid, and people used to beat him for reasons he usually didn't even know. He remembered the fear and the confusion. This was long before he had learned that running didn't help, it just made things harder in the end when they caught him, and so he stopped. What he remembered most wasn't the pain in his body, no matter how broken he'd been it wasn't the cuts or broken bones that made him cry at night. It was the fear, the not knowing when they were coming and what they were going to do this time. He'd seen some of that fear in that man's eyes tonight as they stared up at him. His stomach lurched and he leaned over on his side and threw up, his stomach aching with the lack of food in it and the dry heaves that followed. When he was done he rested his sweaty face against the cold brick wall and closed his eyes, taking a few struggling breaths. One silent tear slipped down his face. He had never ever wanted to be like all those people who had hurt him, but who was he now? He just beat a man he didn't even know. He hadn't been forced to, he was backing away, but he hadn't been able to stop himself. And the guard at the hospital, what about him? He'd told Angel he'd be fine, but he didn't really know that, and he hadn't cared enough to check. Maybe he had hit him hard enough to leave some kind of brain damage? And what about Sweet... his mind whispered to him but he closed that thought out. He wasn't ready. He wasn't ready to face the fact that he'd stared into his cold eyes and pulled the trigger without any remorse. What he couldn't handle was the lack of regret he felt, even now. There was nothing. Not one little stray feeling of regret or sadness over his death. Where those feelings would have been was only an empty hole. He tried again to block those thoughts out. Sweet didn't deserve anyone's symphaty, neither did Fowler or Evan. But his mind wandered to those who had gotten in his way without knowing it. Wiping his mouth he stood up on shaky legs, leaning against the wall for a moment to support himself. He knew that what he was about to do was stupid and reckless, and if Bobby knew he would tell him exactly how much of an idiot he was being. But Bobby wasn't here, and he hadn't been when Jack had done all these things, not in body at least. This was all him, and it was time he faced that fact.

_The dull thud echoed in the closed room and the guard dropped to the floor in front of him..._

Jack looked up at the hospital, it towered over him like a huge mountain. He needed to do this. He needed to know.

He walked past the door he had opened while following the guard and the cafeteria. He remembered sitting there with Angel and Jerry, eating or drinking coffee, trying to think about anything else than what had happened. Trying to stay alive. To keep breathing. Walking down 'Bobby's hallway' felt surreal, like he was doing it again but at the same time not. He'd walked down this hallway so many times now that he could do it in his sleep. He passed by the nurse's station after some hesitation, opting to continue ahead first. His steps slowed as he neared that familiar room with the number now etched forever into his mind next to it. The door wasn't closed all the way and he hesitated, letting his hand linger before pushing it open, revealing the person laying in the bed.

It was a young man, blonde. From what he could see he appared to be a few years younger than himself. He took a step closer, feeling drawn to the room and the person in it. Stopping a few feet from the bed he took in the machines connected to the young man's body and the way he didn't move or open his eyes. The image changed and instead of the blonde man there was a brown haired one there. Jack shook his head and closed his eyes with a pained sigh. Bobby was at home, and he was fine. At least he was going to be. He looked at the man, no, the boy, closer and thought that he kind of looked like him. It must be the hair, he thought. They had the same shade. Voices outside the room made him tense and his eyes snapped to the door he had left partly open. _Shit! _He really didn't want to be caught here in a strangers room. Seeing no other option he hurried to the bathroom and closed the door, the darkness surrounding him. He heard two voices through the door, nurses by the sound of it. The tension suddenly left his body and he sunk to the floor, leaning his back against the door.

"Have you heard anything yet?" One asked, her voice gentle. The same way the nurse that took care of his arm had sounded, only he'd been to focused on his brother to register much else.

"It seems like it's just him. No family, no close friends. The scars on his body, they..." The nurse trailed off and Jack winced. No family, huh. Scars... It could have been him. It had been him, on more than one occasion.

The other nurse sighed and a ruffling sound was heard, probably fixing the bed. The beep that followed told Jack they'd done something with one of the machines. He knew the sounds by now.

"It's tragic".

Life is a tragedy, Jack agreed silently. Footsteps leaving the room made him exhale in relief. He had no clue how he would have explained him sitting in the bathroom if he'd been found. Getting up he opened the door slowly and found the room empty except for the person in the bed. He again approached it silently, his hand finding the chart at the end of the bed. James Taylor. Head trauma. Among else. He let it go and stepped closer to the bed, so he could see his face. Up this close they didn't have any resemblance except for the hair, altough James hair was shorter than his. But he couldn't shake the feeling that this boy could have been him. Had been him at one point or another. He felt sorry for him, because he knew that when he woke up, if he did, everything would go back to the way it was before for him. Just like it had been for him. Until Evelyn had come through the door with her gentle smile. He took one last glance at the sleeping boy and then backed away, peering out the door before leaving. He felt bad for leaving, but what could he do? He had to much going on with his family, he couldn't think about anyone else right now. He didn't even want to.

Approaching the nurse's station he frowned when he saw who was working. He remembered her. Nurse Baker. The way her smile slipped when she saw him made him believe that she remembered him too. He laughed a little at that.

"Nurse Baker, long time no see" He straightened up and attempted to sound casual, and nice. He smiled and held out his hand politely, they way Evelyn had taught him. She took it after some hesitation, releasing it just as quickly.

"Mr Mercer. What are you doing here? Are your brothers here too?"

Her tone told him that she was seriously considering calling on a few guards if that were the case. He shook his head and widened his eyes, playing on the innocence he knew showed on his face. "No no, it's just me. I was actually looking for you".

"Really? What for?"

She sounded suspicious, which she should be. "I just wanted to come here and thank you personally for everything you've done for my brother, I wanted to meet with his doctor too but I couldn't find him". He said, hoping he was off today. Just meeting nurse Baker was taking it's toll on his nerves.

"He's off today" Nurse Baker told him, a frown on her face.

Thank God. "Well anyway, thank you for everything. I can't tell you how much it meant to me and my brothers to see someone caring about those who some could care less about".

Her eyes turned gentle and the frown slipped off her face and she held out her hand for him to take. He took it after a moments hesitation. He hated being touched.

Nurse Baker looked at the young man before her. He looked so sad and innocent, the pain in his eyes visible. The other nurses had warned her about the Mercer's and she remembered the chaos they had left in the hospital with their attitude and complete disregard for rules, but she couldn't imagine that this one, despite his behaviour when his brother was a patient, could have a single bad bone in his body. He just looked so young and innocent, and she was old enough and had worked enough years in this field to see what type of people passed through, and what they were made off. Or so she thought. "It's alright dear, how are your brother? Getting better I hope?"

"He's getting there" Jack forced a smile on his face and had to resist the urge to snatch his hand back. "I have to tell you that I had another purpose too. There was a guard here, he was injured when some men attempted threatened my brother. I just wanted to know if he's alright?" He managed to keep his voice from shaking, but just barely.

Nurse Baker's old heart melted. Oh what a sweet young man he was underneath that facade. All her reservations melted away and she beamed at him. "He's fine. Just a concussion".

Jack remembered her telling the other guards that. "No complications then?"

"Oh no, he's back at work. In fact he's working tonight if you want to see him?"

Jack's heart clenched and for a moment he was frozen in panic before he managed to snap out of it. "No that's fine, I just wanted to make sure. I felt a bit guilty".

"Oh you shouldn't, it wasn't your fault" Baker frowned and him and patted his hand gently.

If you only knew... Jack mused. Would you still hold my hand if you knew what these hands had done? "Yeah. I need to get going, but thanks again, for everything". He let go of her hand, feeling the relief course through his body.

"No problem, say hi to your brothers for me" Nurse Baker smiled, obviously having gotten over her initial resentment.

"I will" No fucking way am I ever telling them this.

He walked quickly down the hall and took the steps down to the first floor. As he walked towards the door he saw a familiar figure walking ahead of him. The guard. The one he'd struck down. His nerves jumped and as if he felt something too the guard stopped and turned just as Jack passed by him. Their eyes met but they didn't say anything. And Jack walked out the door, the guards eyes burning into his back. He knew he didn't know it was him, but maybe he felt something too when they passed.

The night air was cold on his face and he inhaled shakily. He took out his phone and hesitated before dialing the number home. They probably knew he was gone by now. When no one picked up he frowned. He started walking towards the bus stop and as luck would have it the bus came almost right away. He sat down on one of the seats, watching Detroit pass by him outside the window. He was going home.

**Oh poor Jack... he's in so much pain. Hope you liked it!**


	17. Chapter 17

**Hi! So I got myself together and made a twitter account. Not about my life since it's not very exciting to read about, but for my stories. The idea is that I'll post there when I've updated one of my stories or something. We'll see how it goes, I'm pretty lousy when it comes to stuff like that, but I'm bored and thought it might be fun. Name's Cindy Baby for anyone interested. But enough of that, on to the Mercer's! I don't own four brothers.**

_He watched silently as the blood from his hands mixed with the warm water in the sink as he slowly cleaned them. He didn't react when a cough was heard behind him but he felt the air move as a hand slowly and hesitantly reached out to him. He tensed and stopped, and the hand stilled in it's movement before being pulled back to it's owner. When he was certain he had understood that he didn't want to be touched he continued with his cleaning. The man coughed again, showing how uncomfortable he was, standing this close to him when he was in this mood. _

"_Was that really..." He trailed off, not really expecting an answer. Still he continued, even though every fiber in his being was telling him to shut up and get the fuck out of there, to get away from this man, this boy who he'd just seen kill a man. Granted it was in self defence, but the way he had beat down on the man had been unreal. One second they'd had a gun pointed at them, and the next he'd knocked it away and proceeded to hit him, he'd fallen badly and cracked his head open from the looks of it. But still... "He's..."_

_Bobby finally looked up and met his 'friends' gaze through the dirty mirror in the gasstation bathroom. "Get out". _

_He didn't need to be told twice._

The wind blew straight through his hoodie as Jack slowly got off the bus at the corner down the street from Evelyn's house. Their house? So much had happened that they hadn't had time to even think about the future, but as he started walking slowly up the street he couldn't help but wonder how his would look. He hadn't talked to his band since he left New York, and they hadn't called him, proving that he wasn't exactly missed. He almost wished he could care more about that. The familiar street with every little imperfektion was the same as it had always been, the cracked sidewalk and the fences that screamed innercity, even though the house wasn't exactly located there. All the familiar things, even the bad ones made him feel like he was home in a way New York never had. For so long he had wanted to escape Detroit and who he was, especially who he had been, and here he was, walking up that same street and for the first time in months feeling some kind of peace. His thoughts drifted to his brothers. When this was all over, would they leave? Jerry would stay he knew. Even if he and Camille couldn't work things out he wouldn't want to leave his kids. What about Angel? Would he stay or go back to the marines? And Bobby... Would he pack up and leave as soon as he got better? Jack's heart clenched tightly at the thought of that. He couldn't leave now could he?

He spotted the house and his step almost halted, he was nervous. They knew he was gone and there would be hell to pay for sneaking out, but as he got closer he noticed that Jerry's car which had been parked almost non stop in front of the house was gone. His heart started beating faster and he took longer steps, almost jogging up the driveway, ignoring how the movements made his arm scream in agony. His wound hadn't exactly healed yet and quick movements served to remind him of that. He checked the door and found it locked, he frowned and felt around in his pocket until he found his key, his old one, and quickly unlocked it and stepped inside. "Anyone home?" He bit down on the words, silently cursing himself. What if there were robbers here? Or Sweet's people come to avenge him or some shit? If so then he'd just told not only where he was was but that he was home now and that they could go ahead and just kill him since he was most likely alone anyway. But why would the door be locked if people had broken in? It probably wouldn't. Jack sighed and shook his head. He really needed to get a grip. He peeked in the kitchen and finding it empty he continued to 'Bobby's room' and wasn't surprised to find that empty as well. Were they out looking for him? They probably were, hard as it was to believe at times, he knew his brothers loved him for some unknown reason. He'd probably worried them taking off like that. He cringed at that, the guilt setting in. Fishing out his phone again he tried Bobby's number first, despite being afraid of his oldest brothers reaction. He snapped it shut with a sigh when a vibrating sound was heard from the livingroom table. Figures. He debated between calling Angel or Jerry, but Angel had a habit of forgetting to charge his, and so Jerry it was.

Bobby was slowly losing his mind. There was no sign of Jack, and when they'd called him a freaking telephone voice had told them that the number wasn't in use. They had then argued about whose fault that was. Bobby figured that Jack had given them the wrong number, maybe just to piss him off. And was he ever pissed. If they ever found him he would wring his neck. His murderous musings were interrupted by Jerry's phone ringing. Jerry fumbled trying to get it from his pocket and with a sigh Bobby reached out and took hold of the wheel so he could use both hands. He finnaly managed to get the freaking thing out and Bobby watched as he frowned at the display.

"What is it?"

"I don't recognice this number" Jerry mumbled before pressing the answering button. "Hello?"

"Jerry"

Jack's relieved voice sounded over the phone. He'd been worried, thinking something had happened while he was gone.

"Jack!" Jerry almost shouted. His brothers eyes turned to him sharply and Bobby reached for the phone but Jerry quickly changed hands and kept it away from him. "Where are you?"

The guilt increased when Jack heard his worried voice. "I'm home".

"Home?" Jerry asked slowly, wondering when Jack had gotten home, and from where.

Jack nodded, then realized that Jerry couldn't see him and spoke again, his voice lower. "Yeah".

"Give me the phone" Jack heard Bobby say, or snarl, and he winced. He then heard Jerry tell him to calm down and he almost smiled. Like that would happen.

"Jack, are you okay?" Angel asked, sounding like he was far away.

"I'm fine. Where are you guys?"

"Out looking for your skinny ass" Bobby snarled again, this time sounding a lot closer. Jack wondered if Bobby was winning the fight for the phone.

"Just stay there Jack, we'll be home soon" Jerry said, and from the sounds of it made a sharp turn.

"I will" He promised. Before he hung up he thought he heard Bobby growl that 'he better'.

Jack sat down on the couch, his leg bouncing nervously. He wasn't afraid, they were his family and they would never hurt him, but he wondered what Bobby knew. What had Angel told him after he'd left ? He had always been seen as the one that needed protecting, the one that should be sheltered from as much as possible in their world, especially according to Bobby. But he wasn't a kid anymore, and he didn't need to be protected. He dreaded the moment where they would walk in through the door and he'd have to tell him everything, cause he knew his brother. He knew that he wanted the truth, and he probably already knew some, if not all of it. He would be furious, that was certain.

"Just take it easy" Jerry said, mostly to Bobby who was gripping the handle of the car before it had even come to a stop in the driveway.

Bobby glared at him and then at Angel "Oh don't worry. I'm just going to ask him a few questions, since I can't trust you two to tell me the fucking truth!"

Both Jerry and Angel sighed as Bobby took off for the front door, neither willing to argue with his statement, choosing instead to try and minimize the damage and make certain that Bobby didn't go to hard on Jack. They hurried after, both of them dreading the confrontation that was sure to follow, they were not looking forward to telling Bobby everything, and right now it seemed like hiding the truth from him was by far the most stupid idea ever. Due to Bobby's injuries he didn't move as fast as he could have and they caught up to him at the door, wisely deciding against telling him to take his pills.

He stormed through the door, body tense and eyes glinting like hard brown diamonds. Checking the kitchen first he continued on to the livingroom where he caught sight of Jack sitting on the couch, his arms placed on his legs tensely, looking like he was awaiting execution. He looked up when Bobby entered, and he came to a stop a few feet in front of him. Their eyes met, blue sad ones locking on angry brown ones. No one spoke, Jerry and Angel stood in the doorway, both of them tense and holding their breath. Bobby felt his anger start to melt when Jack's eyes filled with tears he refused to let fall. He blinked them away, holding his brothers gaze steadily. Bobby frowned at this. Some anger still coursed through him. The only people he trusted had lied to him, and looking at Jack now he wasn't sure about what he was supposed to do. He looked so fragile, but he still had that stubborn tilt to his chin, it made Bobby want to scream in frustration. He turned to look at Jerry and Angel, the hard look returning to his eyes. "Leave".

The exchanged a look before sighing and walking towards the stairs hesitantly. Not that they really wanted to be there to witness the volcano that was Bobby's temper, but they wanted a chance to reign him in if need be. They knew he would never hurt Jack, he'd die first, but he could be pretty intense, and they wanted a chance to explain why they'd lied, but something told them that Bobby wasn't in the mood to listen right now.

Jack didn't speak. He was silently observing Bobby, wondering how he would go about this. How could he explain everything that had happened since that day. How could he explain that he wasn't who Bobby thought he was, he wasn't that innocent kid he always believed him to be. He was a killer, and he knew his brother well enough to know that he would take this as a personal failure.

Bobby had tired of the silence and the waiting and took a seat on the table in front of Jack, holding back a wince. His body hurt like hell and for a moment he felt like he would pass out but he managed to keep upright. Damn it all to hell. He fixed Jack with a hard stare, trying to ignore how much the pain in those blue eyes were getting to him. He was pissed and he wanted answers, and this time Jack was going to tell him the truth. "Talk".

**Sorry for the short chapter, hope you like it tho :) Next Jacks about to come clean, how will Bobby react...**


	18. Chapter 18

**I wanted to do a flashback, a lighter one. Lucy, I might have wrotten it wrong, it's Cindybaby11, I can add you tho, I'm not following anyone lol. I'm such a mess with stuff like that, I'll give it a try. I have to warn everyone tho that I'm not writing anything interesting since I'm pretty boring, just status updates to my stories and stuff like that. Anyway, as usual, I don't own four brothers.**

"_Honey I'm sorry, I know you had plans but can you make dinner for Jack and the rest? I'd ask Angel but he's been so sad since Sofi broke up with him. I think he needs a break. Maybe you can come up with something that improves his mood?"_

_Yeah cause I'm such a ball of joy myself, Bobby thought and rolled his eyes, glad that his mother couldn't see him through the phone. "Sure Ma"_

"_Don't roll your eyes at me Bobby Mercer"._

_He chuckled. "Sorry Ma. Course I'll take care if the little fairy and the... eh bigger one"_

"_Bobby..."_

"_Gotta go Ma, love ya"_

_His mother murmured her reply before hanging up. Bobby sighed and opened a cupboard to see what was in there. Next the fridge. After staring inside for a minute he closed it with a bang, and almost jumped when he saw Jack. The kid had been standing behind the door, only visible after Bobby closed it. "Jesus kid, you scared the shit out of me!"_

"_Sorry" Jack mumbled, looking up at him with his big blue eyes. _

"_It's okay" Bobby held a hand to his heart "Just... try to make a little more noise will ya"_

"_What's wrong with Angel?" Jack asked, taking a seat at the table. _

_Bobby chuckled. "Why do you think something's wrong with him?"_

_Jack shrugged and furrowed his brow. "He's talking to himself, and listens to weird music"_

_Bobby raised an eyebrow at that. Sure he felt for his brother, but he knew that La Vida Loca would soon remember her strange obsession with his brother and come bursting through the door in a fit of tears and wails, so he held off on the symphaty for now, but all things that could later be used against his brother could come in handy. It was afterall his job to pick on them. Besides he just wanted to know. "What kind of weird music?"_

_Jack looked down and then up, like he was embarrased to even know the name of the artist. He probably was, Bobby mused. His youngest brother had already developed a pretty special taste for punk music, and nothing else was good according to him. He met Bobby's amused gaze and leaned forward, motioning that Bobby do the same. He did and Jack whispered, like it was the weirdest thing he'd ever heard. "Celine Dion". _

_Bobby let out a bark of laughter so loud that Jack jumped high in his seat. "Really? Celine Dion?" _

_Jack nodded, looking like someone had told him that the grass was blue instead of green. Or that one of his brothers was a closet fairy. Not far from the truth Bobby snickered. _

"_What song?" He caught himself before he almost giggled. Oh this was too good..._

_Jack scoffed, a disgusted look on his face. "It's all coming back to me now" This time he was prepared for the loud laughter and didn't even blink. _

_Bobby held his stomach, oh Angel, he snickered, you pansy ass whipped boy. He got up to pour himself a cup of coffee and a glass of juice for Jack and sat down at the table. "How do you know that song little fairy?" He grinned as Jack glared at him. _

"_He's been playing it the whole day and" He stopped and Bobby leaned forward, eager for more dirt. _

"_What? Come on Jack tell me" _

_Jack shrugged. He felt kind of bad telling Bobby this, but he was a bit mad at Angel since he refused to stop playing that shitty music even though Jack asked him nicely to turn it off. "He sings along"._

_Bobby laughed "Figures. Angel always were a sap. Don't fear Jackie-O, you still have me to look up to"._

_Jack rolled his eyes even though it was true. "What are you gonna do?" He asked, fixing Bobby with a pleading look, begging him to stop the horrifying concert going on upstairs. _

_Bobby sighed. "I don't know Jackie. Sofi dumped him, thank God, unfortunately she'll soon come crawling back. Until then we'll just have to break his CD player I guess". _

_Jack nodded. It wasn't very nice, but neither was Celine Dion all night. "Where's Ma?" _

"_She's working late, I'm gonna watch you"_

_Jack frowned. "Who's gonna make dinner?"_

"_I am" _

_Jack didn't say anything just stared at him silently._

_Bobby huffed "Shut up"_

"_I didn't say anything" Jack defended himself._

"_When did you get so cocky kid" Bobby shook his head. "Anyway, let's see what we can do about our brother and Celine". _

_They got up and trudged up the stairs, Jack following Bobby closely. "Where's Jerry?" Jack asked._

"_Out being a pussy" _

"_He with Camille?" Jack asked, stumbling on one of the steps making Bobby grab a hold of him. _

"_You need to start watching those long legs kiddo, I don't want to find you at the bottom of the stairs one morning. Yeah" They continued up "he's with Camille"._

"_Lame" Jack commented._

"_Damn straight"_

_When they got to Angel's room Bobby opened it without knocking and entered, Jack close behind him. They found Angel on his bed, not dressed and holding a pillow close, humming to that god awful song Jack had mentioned. Bobby stared at him in disgust. "Get up"._

_Angel didn't answer, prompting Bobby to reach down and grip the comforter in both hands and tugging hard, causing Angel to fall of the bed and land in a heap on the floor. Jack crossed the room and turned the CD off, a grim look on his face matching Bobby's. _

"_We're intervening you" Jack stated._

"_What?" Angel looked at him in confusion and Bobby rolled his eyes._

"_He means it's an intervention"._

"_What the hell did I do?" Angel sat up and glared at them. _

"_You've been moping around here all day, being a pussy and you've tortured Jack by listening to that shit and singing" Bobby informed him. _

"_It's cruel" Jack stated. _

_Angel sighed and hung his head, causing his brothers to feel a bit sorry for him. _

"_Look Ang, I get that your sad an all, but Loca is gonna come back. How do I know this you ask? Cause I'm Bobby Mercer and that's just my luck. So relax, we'll probably hear her screeching any minute". _

"_I guess" Angel mumbled. He looked over at Jack. "Sorry Jack"_

"_It's okay" Jack told him, a serious look on his face. _

"_Wanna watch a movie?" Bobby asked._

"_Sure" Angel got up._

"_What's for dinner?" Jack asked._

"_Pizza"._

**Ah the lighter days :)**


	19. Chapter 19

**Okay, it's time. The big moment, the showdown, the conversation that should have happened weeks ago, time to be honest. Kind of feel like I've been building up to this during both LOI and this story, hope I don't let you guys down. Yes, I'm nervous. I'm also sorry for the long wait, I wanted to get this right, or rather perfect. It's exstremely important to me. I don't own four brothers. **

Bobby's brown sure eyes were focused on his little brothers blue shiny ones silently. If there was one thing he couldn't stand it was that, Jack's tears. He hated it almost as much as he hated those who had ripped his family apart and forced them to do this. He couldn't handle seeing him cry, cause he had spent the better part of their life trying to make sure he never had to cry again. Looking at him now he wondered how this happend. He had known something was up already before Angel and Jerry told him at the hospital, and long before his chat with Angel earlier tonight, but he had a sinking feeling that what he suspected wasn't even coming close to the real deal, and the only one he trusted enough to tell him the truth right now was about to break into pieces right before his eyes. He wanted, needed the truth. No matter how hard, no matter how bad it was he needed it. Not for the first time Bobby cursed Victor Sweet with everything in him. He'd tried to kill him, fine. He wasn't exactly thrilled about that but it was the name of the game and he could handle it. What he couldn't handle was him trying to kill Jack, or anyone of his brothers. He watched as Jack slowly placed his cigarettes next to him on the couch with a trembling hand before again placing it on his leg as if bracing himself.

"Who killed Victor Sweet, Jack?"

Time seemed to stand still as his question hung in the air between them as if testing the waters, or the air. Testing them. A beat passed and a whoosh of shaky air was released on a trembling gasp.

"I did"

_'There's always some reason, to feel not good enough, and it's hard, at the end of the day. I need some distraction, beautiful release, memories seep from my veins.'_

"_Hey"_

_Jack didn't look up from his place on the bed. He strummed his guitar, but stopped singing softly when Bobby entered without an invitation and took a seat on the floor, his back facing Jack. He always took the floor, his back to him when it was about something he had done. Not that he was ashamed, he wasn't. But sometimes he didn't want to look into his brothers eyes, afraid of that he'd see. He didn't say anything more for awhile, waiting for Jack to speak. Unfortunately waiting for that to happen could take forever, and he wasn't exactly a patient man. "I didn't want you to see that". Jack didn't answer, keeping his eyes glued to his guitar. "I, he, needed to be taught a lesson"._

"_I know" Jack finally spoke. _

_It was silent again before Bobby turned to face him. "New song?"_

_Jack shrugged. "Maybe". _

"_Well let's hear it then" Bobby demanded, his soft and apologetic demanor completely gone once more._

_Jack snorted a laugh. "It's not exactly your style" He rolled his eyes and ducked out of the way of Bobby's hand, chuckling. _

He was cold, frozen all over. Even though he had expected the words he hadn't been prepared for them. He had expected them, but that didn't mean it didn't hurt. It did. Like hell. He took a deep breath and willed the sudden dizziness away. He didn't quite succeed and he gripped the table underneath him tightly. Why was it so hard to breathe? The pain of being shot had nothing on this pain, this pain that ripped him open. Sudden flashes of Jack holding a gun, teaching Jack how to use it pounded through his head like lightning strikes. He thought he was going to be sick, he fought the urge to vomit. He tried to concentrate on Jack's eyes, the ones that looked so sad and guilty. He didn't want to believe it, he wanted to scream at him, shake him, tell him sto stop his fucking lying and tell him the truth, but he knew... he knew that it was true. As much as he wanted to think that Jack was lying, he knew he wasn't. And it killed him as surely as any bullet had tried to.

"Why?" He rasped out, his voice almost a whisper.

Another tense silence, another beat, and then a tear slipped free of the cage that was Jack's eye and trailed down his cheek quickly, like it didn't want to be seen. He could have said anything, could have told him that Sweet was going to kill them all, that they had no choice. All of it was true, but it wasn't the whole truth. It wasn't the truth that still burned inside him, that still screamed for more blood, for revenge. He wanted to be honest, for the first time since everything happened he wanted his brother to know, wanted him to understand why he had done what he had done, even if he didn't quite understand it himself. Even if it scared him shitless. And he was scared, his hands trembled as he gripped his knees tightly, trying to hold onto anything that could ground him. He felt like he was leaving, like saying the words out loud to Bobby would make them true, make him the killer he already knew he was. Mostly he was scared about Bobby's reaction, scared of seeing something else in his eyes when he looked at him. Scared of not being his little brother anymore. _If I tell you this, will you still see me? Will you still love me tomorrow? Even if I'm not me anymore? _"I wanted to".

Bobby's hand slammed down on the table next to him with a deafening bang that seemed to echo around them. Jack closed his eyes, his hands gripping his legs even tighter. "Why?" He asked again, an edge to the word that hadn't been there before.

Another tear left his eye. "I thought you were gone". Dark eyes gazed at him. "I wanted him to pay".

Bobby tried to take in the words but his thoughts were jumping around in his head. "You did this because of me?" The wave of guilt was intense like nothing he had ever felt before. The guilt he still felt at having failed to protect his mother, the only woman who had ever given a shit about him almost paled in comparision, because he felt like he'd let them both down. Jack, for not being there, and Ma, cause he'd promised her he always would be.

"Don't do that" Jack shook his head, his voice a whisper "it's not your fault".

"Of course it is" Bobby snapped, his temper flaring. "Of course it's my fault, I..."

"It's mine!" Jack almost screamed, his voice hoarse. He quieted almost immediatley and his next words were a whispered confession, as if he was confessing his sins to his priest. "I killed him Bobby. And..." He trailed off and broke his brothers gaze, unable to look at him. "I don't regret it".

He could almost hear the crack his heart made as it broke into pieces. The pain in his brothers voice felt like a cold hand squeezing the what was left of his barely beating heart, and for the first time in years he remebered how it felt wanting to die. He lifted a shaking hand towards his brother, but let it drop again. He had no idea what to say, no idea what to do. He now knew what had been different when he woke up, why Jack had been different. For a few moments he wished he had never asked, wished that he had never known something was wrong, but most of all he wished for the impossible, that nothing of this would have ever happend. With a quick sweeping movement he pushed the vase sitting on the table next to him to the floor and the sound of it breaking echoed in the room. Jack flinched, and Bobby regretted it immediately. "I'm sorry" he apologized between gritted teeth. For so much Jack, I'm sorry.

"I'm not" Jack's voice, still hoarse from the tears seemed stronger somehow.

Bobby shook his head. "Don't say that" Please don't say that Jack.

"He deserved it"

The fire suddenly burning in his brothers eyes made Bobby wary, and uncomfortable. This wasn't right. Jack should never look like that. He should never have that look in his eyes. "You decided that?" He didn't know why he was arguing, of course Sweet had deserved to die, if there was any justice left in this world he had died a painful death, screaming. He just wished it hadn't been at his brothers hand.

"Why not? You have" Jack shot back.

"That's different" Bobby snapped.

Jack wanted to argue but he suddenly felt so tired and he leaned back against the couch. Bobby's eyes softened as he watched him. No matter what Jack said Bobby could see the guilt behind the fire in his eyes and he knew. He knew how it felt, and he had never wanted Jack to have to feel that. He pushed back the self loathing for now, there would be time for that later. "What happened"? He asked softly, knowing Jack would understand just what he was asking. He wanted to hear it from Jack.

"You already know" Jack met his eyes.

"Tell me anyway"

Jack took a deep breath and willed his heart to stop beating through his chest. "We met on the ice. Jerry told you about Evan" Bobby nodded "Sweet killed him, and... we fought. I forced him to his knees and... I shot him. Right here". He touched his forhead absently. Dead eyes staring up at the sky.

Bobby stared at him, wondering where his little brother had gone. The image of his brother standing before Sweet and pulling the trigger burned itself into his mind, and he knew it would stay there. He had always known Jack, but now he felt like he didn't, and it made him furious, but most of all terrified. He didn't know what to do. A sob broke through his thoughts and he focused on Jack's bowed down head. He got up, swaying slightly as he took the step between the table and couch before sitting down next to Jack. Without hesitation he wrapped his arm around his shoulders and pulled him close. Jack tensed, but then relaxed and leaned his head against his older brothers shoulder, tears flowing. "It's okay".

Jack shook his head. "It's not. You don't know everything I've done. If you did you wouldn't be here now".

Bobby leaned away a bit from Jack so he could look at his face. "I know I let you down Jackie, I fucking know, but nothing you ever say and nothing you fucking do can push me away okay? Whatever it is you can tell me. You can trust me, you have before right?"

Jack nodded. He had. Just when it had felt like no one could be trusted, that not one person on this earth could do something for someone else without wanting something in return, he had showed him that it was possible. And even though he hadn't asked for it, had he worshipped the ground he walked on in return. He started talking quietly, still afraid of what saying the words to Bobby would mean.

"When you took those bullets for me, and when we didn't know if you were going to make it, I wanted to die. I have never wanted to die more than I did then. Everything before was nothing, it didn't come close to what was happening and I couldn't handle it. I begged for God to take me instead, I would have done anything if you would just open your eyes, but you didn't, and I knew it was my fault" Jack swallowed hard. "I should have died that day Bobby".

Bobby shook his head sadly "No Jack"

"Yeah, I know I should have but I didn't cause you saved me. That hurt almost as much as knowing that it was all my fault"

"It was my fault!" Bobby argued, tightening his grip on Jack's shoulder.

Jack sighed. "It was too much. And Sweet was going to kill us all, and I know that's a good reason to kill him, but that wasn't why I did it".

Bobby nodded, he knew as much. If that were the case then Angel could have killed him just as they'd told Bobby he had. This was about something else, something Jack hadn't wanted him to know. That's what made him suspicious in the first place. "Why did you kill him Jack?"

"Cause he took everything from me. And I hated him for it. I couldn't breathe, until he was dead".

The cold tone in his brothers voice made a feeling of dread settle in the pit of his stomach. "Is there more?" There was, he just knew it was.

"Fowler"

"Jerry killed him" Bobby wondered if his voice sounded as fucking desperate to Jack as it did in his own ears.

"Yeah..." Jack trailed off hesitantly. He leaned even closer to Bobby, almost anchoring himself to him, in case he decided to leave.

Bobby felt Jack tense and his mind spun out of control. What else had happened while he was in the hospital? "Talk to me" He told him, his voice strong despite the agony burning inside him.

And he did. Everything he'd been holding in, the things he'd done, all of it, he told him with a trembling tone while clutching his brother, sure that he would leave any second. He told him about Fowler, about the guard, about Evan, Evan's friend... And Bobby listened quietly, his grip on his brother only tightening. When Jack stopped talking it was almost morning, and neither noticed. They sat quietly, Jack's tears wetting the shoulder of Bobby's shirt. Bobby lifted a trembling hand and placed it on his head, and when the trembling stopped he stroked his hair slowly all the while wondering how the hell he would fix this.

"You didn't have to do this Jack" Bobby whispered.

Jack shook his head slowly, meeting Bobby's eyes for the first time in hours. "I did. You don't understand..."

"I do" Bobby argued "That's what worries me. I know how it feels okay, and I didn't want you to feel that. Fuck!" He exclaimed, rage once again simmering just beneath the surface. He calmed down when Jack tensed and cradled him closer. "Hey, it's okay, I'm sorry". Jack yawned and Bobby rubbed a hand over his own eyes. "Try to get some sleep".

Big blue eyes stared up at him. "Don't leave"

Bobby swallowed the lump in his throat with some difficulty. "I won't". _I fucking swear to you Jack that I never will. _

When Jerry woke up that next morning he discovered it wasn't really morning at all, more like lunchtime. He lay quietly for a few minutes listening. When he didn't hear anything he got up slowly and dressed before trudging in to Angel's room and found him sitting on the bed, a defeated look in his eyes.

"You worried?" Jerry asked softly.

"You're not?" Angel shrugged. "We messed up Jer"

Jerry sighed and left the doorway to take a seat next to his brother. He wondered fleetingly when the last time they'd been sitting like this. Must have been while Angel was still an teenager and he'd been trying to talk som sense into him about something. "I know".

"He's gonna kill us" Angel's voice was resigned.

"Yeah" Jerry agreed, nodding. Something in Angel's face made him take a closer look. "You feel like you've let him down". It wasn't a question but Angel nodded anyway. He clasped his hands together and glanced up at the ceiling. Jerry thought he looked exactly like the 15 year old he'd been.

"Ever since Ma adopted me I knew Bobby's word was law. I didn't mind, I liked it. Every gang needs a leader and Bobby is really fucking great at it, I followed his lead no questions asked. At least not usually". They both chuckled remembering the times they'd tried to talk Bobby out of doing something completely stupid. Angel soon quieted and hung his head avoiding Jerry's eyes. "When Jack came he was so small, so breakable and I knew that Bobby wanted to fix him more than anything. I did too" Jerry nodded again, Jack had that effect on people. "I made a promise to him, to Jack and myself that I would always protect him. I let him down".

Jerry looked at his brother with sad eyes. Angel had always followed Bobby more willingly than he himelf had. Not that he didn't want to, it was just that they usually had different opinions on the best course of action. "Jack?" He asked carefully.

"Yeah. And Bobby. I know he counted on me to look after Jack".

Jerry nodded, he knew that was true. Bobby had counted on them, and they'd let him down. It didn't matter that they'd tried so hard, in the end Jack had ended up in a place neither of them had ever wished to see him.

"I let him down too" He didn't imagine it could hurt so much.

"We're screwed"

"Yeah. Hey" Angel looked up at him "We had a good run. It was nice, doing stuff together again, even if just to keep something from Bobby".

Angel chuckled and gave him a push that almost sent him to the floor. "Going soft in your old age man?"

"Watch it boy" Jerry pushed back with a grin before sighing and getting up reluctantly. "Might as well go downstairs".

Angel nodded, the grin sliding off his face. When they walked out he placed a hand on Jerry's shoulder. "I liked it too".

They walked quietly down the stairs, trying to avoid making any noise at all. They passed a sleeping Jack on the couch and glanced at the broken vase on the floor, exchanging a look that spoke volumes. They almost tiptoed to the kitchen, hoping against hope that they would be alone in the house and that Bobby was out doing stress relieving exercises. Their hope was dashed however when they entered the kitchen and found Bobby sitting at the table, waiting for them. They stopped in their tracks and they both fought the urge to turn around and run.

Bobby stared at them silently. Tension lay thick in the air as he eventually gestured that they sit down. Jerry coughed a little and looked at the bottles holding Bobby's pills on the table.

"I thought you didn't like those"

"I don't. But the Doc swears they're going to make me better a lot quicker" he carefully took out a couple of pills and swallowed them down with his coffee, not even flinching at the taste "and the way I see it the sooner I'm better the sooner I can kick your fucking asses".

**Oh poor A and J, things not looking so hot for them right now. Or maybe hot is actually the right word. Anyhow, is anyone tired of this yet? I hope not, cause we're not done with Jackie and all his angst and Bobby's health yet. After the anger comes forgiveness, and you know, being a family again. Also messed up my twitter (like predicted, so I think Im gonna stick to this site that I actually know lol).**


	20. AUTHORS NOTE 2

**Hi everyone, I'm sorry for the lack of updates, i've been struck by the most horrible of writers block. I'm sitting here with half a chapter that I don't even like and no freaking idea what I should write next. I've trying like crazy, but it just won't come to me. I know it'll pass, I still love the story, the movie, the characters, everything, I don't know what's wrong. It's driving me crazy, so if anyone has any tips PLEASE share, since I'm getting desperate, which only makes it worse...**

**Hoping it'll pass now that I worked my last day for the summer today and I'm not so stressed about everything. But, yeah, tips are very welcome!**


	21. Chapter 21

**Some good news, well good news for me at least lol... I'm going to study from a distance this semester and not work at all. Just travel, study and write. I'm really looking forward to it, hopefully I'll become a better writer when I have more time on my hands.**

**As always, thanks for the continued support, you have no idea what it means to me.**

**I don't own four brothers.**

The light was harsh and unforgiving, leaving little room to hide or pretend that they weren't here again, that this wasn't happening again, but it was. He stares silently as the Doc checks Bobby's vitals and listens to his heart, a frown on his face. Jerry and Angel stand on either side of him, waiting for the news that might break them, all three of them feeling the guilt gnawing at their insides, unknowing that that exact feeling was coursing through their oldest brother too, but for a different reason. They straightened up when the Doc did.

"So what's the verdict Doc, I'm gonna live?" Bobby's sarcastic voice filled the room and made his brothers flinch.

"Not if you keep this up" The Doc answered evenly making everyones face turn even paler. "You need to rest Bobby".

"I'm fucking fine" Bobby snapped, looking like he was about to storm from the room any second.

"Your really not" The Doc took no notice of his language, being used to it by now. "If you don't take this seriously you're not going to get better, is that what you want?"

"Of course I want to be stuck in this fucking bed for the rest of my life what did you think?" Bobby snapped sarcastically, rolling his eyes.

"Sure seems like it. You need to take it easy, you got to go home because you and your bothers were going to make sure that you were going to rest there, now it seems like that isn't a viable option anymore". The Doc's voice was stern.

"You can't keep me here" Bobby chuckled bitterly. "If I want to go home I'll go home".

"Bobby..." Jack spoke softly.

"Shut up Jack"

Four hours later Bobby was back in his bed and his brothers were gathered around him. They needed to talk and clear the air, without Bobby trying to kill them all, but no one was speaking and the only sound in the room was that of Bobby's breathing, which was deeper than usual.

Bobby kept his gaze averted, Jack was sitting in the same chair he had occupied before, silent. It felt so good to tell Bobby everything that had happened, and he'd comforted him just like always, but now he wasn't sure where they stood. He was most likely pissed at him too, not just Jerry and Angel. And most importantly... Bobby wasn't alright, he wasn't okay and he sure as fuck wasn't as fine as he claimed to be.

"You lied to me" Bobby's voice cut through the tension and Jack wanted to die. Anything was better than hearing that tone in Bobby's voice. The one that told him he'd let him down, that he was just as much of a fuck up as he'd always been. He wanted so badly to cry again, the tears burned behind his downcast eyes but he held himself back from throwing himself at his brother and beg for forgiveness, to tell him that he'd do anything, anything if he'd just stop being so disappointed, but when he finally raised his head to look at Bobby his oldest brothers eyes were fixed firmly on his other brothers.

"We didn't mean to" Jerry began.

"Bullshit" Bobby cut him off. "And you..." He glared at Angel. "I counted on you".

Angel flinched noticeably but didn't speak. Jack knew why. Angel was Bobby's right hand man, the one he trusted to do shit for him. Ever since they were kids Jack had been jealous because Angel got to do things that he was deemed to young for, or too innocent. Bobby would never have handed Jack a gun, while he never hesitated to give Angel one. And Angel had like the rest of them gone behind his back. Bobby knew Jack lied, usually because he didn't want Bobby knowing what he was up to because then Bobby would do something about it, and Angel had no problem telling Bobby about Jack's latest stint in drug town, or on again razor love, usually with a sentence Jack hated almost as much as Scrub's reruns, _it's for you own good... _

"It's not their fault" Jack mumbled, flinching when Bobby's eyes snapped to his. He was furious, and Jack couldn't remember him looking like that before. When Ma had died he'd been cold, like he'd turned his feelings off except where his brothers were concerned, but now... Jack could almost feel the anger coming off of him in waves. The guilt ate at him, not only had he almost gotten him killed, but he'd dragged his other brothers down with him too. "I did this".

Bobby sighed angrily and dragged a hand over his eyes, flinching. They all watched worriedly as he stroked a hand down his side slowly.

"Look we're sorry Bobby, we really are, but we shouldn't talk about this now, you had to go to the hospital again today and your obviously in pain" Jerry softened his voice "We're sorry okay, and I know you want to kill us, but this isn't the time to talk about this".

Bobby looked like he was going to argue, despite the pain now showing itself on his face, but Jack grasped his hand tightly, trying to ignore the voice inside him shreaking in fear that he would pull his hand away. He seemed to calm down a little, and he nodded after a few seconds hesitation. Jack was relieved, but his heart sunk when Bobby slowly pulled his hand away, once again staring at the wall.

"I'm gonna sleep"

Angel and Jerry got to their feet slowly and after a few mumbled words about how he'd just have to yell if he needed something, they started to leave the room. Bobby sensed Jack lingering, but he just couldn't handle this right now. Everything was coming together in his head and he needed to think, and he knew that if Jack stayed he'd end up saying something he would regret. He was dangerously close to snapping and he didn't want Jack to be caught in the crossfire, he had enough to deal with right now.

"Get some sleep Jack, we'll talk tomorrow"

"_How could you lie to me about this?" Bobby yelled, looking like his fingers were itching to wrap around the closest neck. _

"_Just calm down and we'll talk about this" Jerry offered hesitantly._

_Bobby's cup of coffee hit the wall with a crash. "Don't fucking tell me to calm down! I knew something was wrong, I knew it at the hospital, and when we came home and... fuck! You were supposed to look after him!" Bobby let out a gasp as pain tore through his side,and he pressed his hand against his chest tightly. _

"_What is going on?" Jack asked from the doorway, his eyes shifting from Angel and Jerry's worried faces to Bobby's who was scrunched up in pain. "Bobby?" _

"_I'm fine" Bobby managed to get out, but the slight wheezing sound he made did not sound fine at all. _

_Jack the steps seperating them as Bobby slowly got up, just as he reached him he lost his balance a little, causing Jack to grab a hold of him."Bobby?" Jack asked again, the worry now showing itself in his voice._

"_I'm calling the ambulance" Angel stated worriedly pulling out his phone. _

"_No, no, don't need them" Bobby groaned._

"_You're going" Jerry argued, letting out a frustrated sigh as Bobby shook his head._

_Bobby closed his eyes as another wave of pain hit him. "It'll pass soon"_

"_Did you feel this earlier too?" Jerry asked, a frown on his face. Bobby didn't answer, confirming everyone's suspicions. Jerry glared at him and left the room to grab his car keys from the hallway. "You should have told us"._

_Bobby chuckled bitterly and glared at Angel who wrapped a strong arm around him from the side, helping Jack move him forward. "I thought we were all about secrets now days"._

_Ouch. _

When they were younger they often argued, fought even more, and if a day passed by without someone being teased, picked on, or wrestled to the ground for something he had said or something he'd done, well then it was an unusual day to say the least. Still, it had never come close to this. For the first since the day they came back was it quiet in the house. They were all there, but unlike before there were no groups, they were all in the house, but in different parts of it, and it had never been so quiet before.

Years with his stepfather and on the streets had taught Bobby that trust was something one shouldn't do lightly, if at all. Something had changed when he learned that the man he thought was his father actually wasn't. Not that he wanted to be that bastards son, no fucking way, but it had hurt to know that he didn't even have a father. He had trusted Evelyn because no matter how much he pushed, no matter how badly he screwed up she was still there for him. He had trusted his brothers not just because they needed to trust each other around here, but because he had wanted to. He would have died for them with no regrets, would have gladly run to his death if it meant he would be saving theirs. He just couldn't understand how they could betray him like this. It hurt, and if he wasn't so fucking angry he would have cried.

Angel was laying on his bed, staring at the roof. Sofi was calling, but he didn't answer. He loved her, but this was one of those times he needed to be alone. He kept seeing the look in Bobby's eyes, and the accusing tone of his voice when he'd told him that **he'd counted on him, **trusted him to look after Jack. Ever since he came here he had trusted Bobby. Sure it took some time, but when he did had never regretted it, and he'd been proud that people trusted him. He'd been conning people for most of his life so people had been right not to, but it felt good when they did. He learned something about himself then, that he liked taking care of people and have them depend on him to do things. Now, he'd failed one of them, if not two.

Jerry didn't even think about calling Camille, and he guessed that said a lot about their relationship now. That he couldn't count on her to be there for him. He had lived in Detroit his whole life, had grown up here, and met both his families here. This was his home, but for the first time he really wondered if there was a point to it all. Maybe it was better if they all moved somewhere else, someplace that didn't have so many painful memories everywhere he looked. But no sooner had the thought crossed his mind before he remembered one of the many discussions he and Ma had about this city. _Most don't see it Jeremiah, but you and I do. There is beauty here, and people are willing to work towards a better life, I know they want to... _He'd shrugged and smiled at her, letting her optimism rub off on him. _How can you be sure Ma? _Oh she'd smiled that all knowing smile of hers. _Well you are thinking about starting your own business aren't you? _He'd been shocked to say the least. He hadn't even told Camille yet. _How did you... _That beautiful laugh tinkling like bells. _Oh I know my son... So you see, there is still beauty here Jeremiah, and people who want to change things, make it better. _

His mother had been right, but when you got struck down as many times as he had you lost some of that sparkle. But still, this was home, and he wanted to be here, and that was worth fighting for. And so was his brothers.

It felt good. Every drag from the joint made him a little more sleepy, a little less hurt. It still hurt, but I wasn't as painful anymore, it didn't feel like something was clawing it's way out from his chest. It was a dull pain and he could handle that, anything but that crushing feeling of being all alone. Placing the joint between his lips he held it here as he reached for his guitar, and as he took it from the case a small little bag fell out. He looked down at the floor, a frown on his face. He'd forgotten about those. Paul had given him some pills before he left New York, thinking he'd probably need them, and did he ever. He placed the joint on the sill and opened the bag and shook out two in his hand, and without hesitation he swallowed them. His eyes again strayed to the guitar and he reached for it hesitantly but pulled his hand back before he could reach it. Laying down on his bed he waited for the pain to ease a little bit more.

**About Bobby's stepfather. I wanted him to feel like he didn't have a father, since that's what Green says in the beginning of the movie, "would have made his daddy proud of he'd ever had one" or something like that. But I liked the stepfather abuse/first kill etc so I wanted him to have some kind of father figure in the beginning, only to realize that he didn't really, cause his stepfather didn't want to be one either. Hope you liked this chapter, I know it's been a while since my last update, next time won't so far away I promise!**


	22. Chapter 22

**Sorry for the wait people. I had planned to have this ready sooner, and another Halloween story cause it was Halloween an all, but I've been sick so that never happened. Hope everything had a nice evening with lots of candy and/or booze. I don't own four brothers.**

He was quiet, even more so than usual. Jack had come downstairs earlier than the rest looking like shit. His eyes were bloodshot and clothes wrinkled, it looked like he'd slept in them. He probably had. The darkness underneath his eyes made him look like someone who'd gotten his ass kicked. Bobby instantly felt guilty, something that was happening more and more when it came to Jack. He knew he should have talked to him the night before but he'd been pissed as all hell and he hadn't wanted to make anything even worse. So instead of talking to Jack or anyone else of his brothers he'd spent the night silently fuming and planning ways to kick all of their asses from his bed. Cause he knew as soon as he woke up that moving wasn't something he should be doing a whole fucking lot of right now. That pissed him off too.

Jack hadn't said anything to him as he entered, his only purpose seeming to be making sure he was still alive, before he went to the kitchen and by the sounds of it started with breakfast. Sure enough soon there was a large plate of eggs, and ham. Next to the plate was his pills. He really needed to get a hold of those himself soon. He wasn't some fucking baby they had to take care of, he could do that himself just fine. He looked up at Jack who was still avoiding his gaze.

"Thanks Jack" he managed to sound calm, and not at all like he wanted to kill someone.

Jack's eyes flickered up to meet his then, and Bobby cursed the tug in his heart as he saw the vulnerability in his youngest brother. It was a look Jack had perfected, probably cause he'd been forced to wear it so often.

"We need to talk" this time the voice wasn't as steady, and he cursed himself. He'd barely been able to listen to Jack talk about the things he'd once without throwing up, and now he was asking to hear it again, what the fuck was wrong with him.

Jack silently took a seat next to the bed. "I know you hate me" he murmured quietly and Bobby wanted to wring his neck.

"Stop that, you fucking know I don't hate you Jack. I hate what you felt like you had to do, not you". I hate myself for making you do this, he added silently to himself.

Jack nodded as if he understood, but Bobby had a feeling his words were just passing through. "I never want you to do anything like it, ever again okay?" This was important, really important, he just hoped Jack understood that too. Prison was not a place for his youngest brother, he got sick just thinking about the disgusting scum who usually resided there, not counting himself of course. Unfortunately Jack didn't seem to be on board with his line of thought since Bobby could see that defiant glint in his eyes. "I mean it Jack, don't push it" Or I might just have to whup your ass, shot or not, guilt or not.

"You would have done the same thing" Jack stated calmly.

Bobby gritted his teeth. Of course he would have, ten times over. But that didn't mean he wanted his little brother going around offing people left and right like a sport. "I would have, but that's different" he ground out.

"Why? Cause I'm the kid?" Jack's voice was unusally bitter and it threw Bobby a little.

"No, cause I don't want you doing that shit Jack"

"You don't have a problem with Angel doing it" Jack pointed out.

"Angel's done it before, he can handle it"

"I can too" Jack shot back at him.

"Oh yeah? Why does your clothes smell like a joint downtown then Jackie?"

Jack's eyes widened and his mouth snapped shut. Of course Bobby noticed, Bobby always fucking noticed. Here he was, shot up and straight out of a coma and he could smell a mile away that Jack had smoked a little. He wondered if the rest was as obvious too, he really hoped it wasn't. He cursed himself for not changing his clothes, but he hadn't even thought about it. He'd just been so tired, he doubted he would have left the bed if Bobby hadn't been downstairs recovering. Bobby was expecting an answer though, and just because telling the truth wasn't what he did best he just said "It's just a little weed Bobby, it's fine". Which was obviously the wrong thing to say as Bobby's eyes tightened. He started to say something, probably something pissed off but then he stopped, and as Jack watched he sighed, and looked down.

"Look Jack, I know I fucked up, and I know you feel like shit, but this is not gonna help you alright?"

"Stop saying that" Jack mumbled, holding his body in a stiff manner "I know it's my fault, you don't have to act like this"

"Act like what? Like I fucking care? Cause I do, and I want to help you"

Jack wanted nothing more than to just lean back and let Bobby fix everything, fix him, just like he'd always done before. But this wasn't before, he wasn't a kid anymore and he shouldn't need his big brother to clean up his messes anymore. So he just mumbled out something about quitting, before taking a seat on the couch. His breakdown from before was still fresh in his mind and he couldn't help but feel ashamed. Bobby had his own shit to deal with right now without him adding to the list. He couldn't help it though, every time something happened he was drawn to Bobby, knowing he could take care of everything.

Bobby saw the conflict on his face and he sighed, his anger melting away. He never could stay mad at Jack, it didn't matter what he did. But like always with Jack you had to be careful, so he wouldn't shut his mouth and refuse to open it again, something that usually happened with Jack. "Hey. Can you help me up the stairs? Need the toilet" He almost gritted the words out, asking for help was something he almost never did, but when he did he always asked his brothers. Anyone else would hold it against him.

Jack's head snapped up quickly before he managed to hide his surprise at the question. He'd thought he would have to lie in wait for when Bobby would try to sneak up himself. It wouldn't have surprised him. He stepped forward as Bobby pushed himself up to sitting on the bed and slowly swung his legs over, wincing. He watched worriedly, wondering if Bobby even could walk up the stairs with help with the way he looked like right now... He looked up at him and Jack could see a quick flash of self loathing in his eyes. His oldest brother had always resented any sign of weakness in himself. He wordlessly reached out an arm and placed it around Bobby carefully, knowing he could throw it away in a fit.

He didn't. Instead he pushed off the bed with Jack's help and they stood in silence for a few minutes until Bobby's vision wasn't dancing. His chest hurt like a bitch and going back to the bed sounded like the best fucking idea ever, but then he would have to pee in a bottle or something else, and he would never get over the humiliation of that. So he tried to step forward, and with Jack supporting most of his weight they slowly moved towards the stairs.

"You okay?" Jack asked quietly, feeling the strain in his brothers body as they took the first couple of steps.

"Fine" Bobby gritted out, holding back the relieved sigh when they finally reached the top. "No peaking now fairy"

Jack snorted. "No problem"

The walk down the stairs was every bit as tough as the walk up, and when Bobby was finally back in his bed he was exhausted. He ate a little, and then before he knew what happened he was fast asleep.

Jack was drinking coffee and listening to the radio when Angel stepped in to the kitchen. He took one look at Angel's rumpled clothing. "Where you've been?"

"Out chasing Sofi. She got mad last night and took off. Been trying to find her ever since"

Jack stared at him silently, wondering if should tell his brother how stupid he was. Everyone knew that if a girl wanted to hide there was no point in looking. Especially not if the girl was pissed and named Sofi. But instead of voicing his opinion on the matter he took another swallow of his coffee. Soon Jerry appeared in the doorway too. "Hey you know what's just round the corner?"

"Sofi?" Jack mumbled into his cup of coffee.

"Christmas" Jerry declared like he was revealing a big secret, and in a way he was. Both his brothers head snapped up and he knew they had no clue what date it was today.

Jack sighed. Christmas. The first christmas without his mother, at least the first one without her since he'd first met Evelyn. And he thought Thanksgiving had been hard... The brothers were quiet for awhile. Evelyn had loved christmas, and she had loved giving. Now she was gone and they were left to celebrate without her, and they didn't really know how. Time had passed by so fast that he hadn't even noticed that it was december now. He hadn't even noticed any christmas decorations when he went to the store.

"So..." Angel looked at them, everyone one of them feeling a little dread at the upcoming holiday.

He didn't really feel like celebrating, but maybe, just maybe it could make them come together again, Jack mused. Bobby was still pissed at Angel and Jerry, and they were all still weighted down with guilt. Maybe celebrating christmas together would be good for them. He liked that thought. "We'll need a tree".

"And alcohol" Angel quipped.

Bobby woke to the sound of arguing and for awhile he thought he was back at the hospital and the old lady in the room down the hall was shrieking about needing the bathroom again, but no, this was even more familiar. This was his youngest brother telling the other two that a plastic tree (?) wasn't even close to a real one. Why it would be he had no idea? He opened his eyes and turned over on his side to watch them. He could tell they were trying to be quiet, probably not to wake the sleeping bear. He snorted at that.

"No" Jack's voice was unusually determined. "Ma always had a real tree"

"But this one is good too" Jerry tried to reason, holding up a box of something Bobby couldn't make out.

"It looks like shit" Angel deadpanned.

"Fine, fine" Jerry backed off and placed the box near the door "but you two can go get it then"

"I don't have any money" Jack shrugged, though that wasn't true, he just wanted to tease Jer a little.

Jerry sighed.

"We don't need money" Angel stated "we just need a saw and some rope"

"No no no, you're not gonna steal someones tree for godsakes" Jerry exclaimed.

"I have money" Angel said "I just thought it could be fun"

"Stealing a tree would be fun?" Jerry asked in disbelief "Come on now"

"Lighten up Jerry, it's christmas" Angel slapped him on the back, causing him to stumble a little and glare.

Christmas? How long had he been asleep?

"Jack you'll take care of the food right?" Angel asked.

He only rolled his eyes in response. Who else would do it?

"I really hope you're not planning on buying me a bedpan this year" Bobby spoke up, making everyone look at him.

"You're awake" Jack stated softly.

"Yeah, and wondering how long I've been asleep. Is it christmas already?"

"In 4 days" Jerry said "but we have a few things to take care of so we need to start right away". Jer was a control freak with things like that, always needed to plan everything.

Bobby felt a sting of annoyance as he realised that he was pretty much useless in helping with anything right now.

"Wonder if Ma still keeps the decorations in the closet..." Jerry mumbled and took off in search for them as Jack sat down and prepared a shopping list.

"Don't forget the beer" Bobby stold him "I could use a few right now"

"You shouldn't drink while on medication" Jack stated, looking for all the world just like Evelyn right then.

"Whatever" Bobby thought Jack really shouldn't talk right now, since he still smelled like weed and was an expert at mixing all sort of things. He didn't say that though, for the first time since everything had come out he felt like they were headed somewhere good, and he didn't want to ruin it right now. He was still pissed, or scratch that, he was furious, but right now he didn't want to fight.

"Wondering if Sofi will come?" Angel mumbled distractedly.

"Of course she will, why wouldn't she? She'll have a whole evening to piss me off" Bobby told him.

"Do you think Camille and the kids are coming?" Jack asked suddenly, looking up from his list, wondering if he should add food for them as well, just in case. Chances were that there wouldn't be anything left after his brothers had cleaned house otherwise. Also he knew Jerry missed his daughers. They hadn't really been around much since, well whatever it was Jerry and Camille had done. Not that they'd been here much either, they'd mostly been at the hospital.

"Probably not" Angel said quietly.

Bobby was quiet. He knew something had happened between Jerry and his wife obviously, and he had a feeling it was partly about him. He felt bad, but he didn't know how to fix it.

"Here they are" Jerry came lugging a big box into the room.

"We still need a tree" Angel seemed to have dropped the thoughts about Sofi for now and was now focusing.

"We can get one today" Jack shrugged. Shopping for a tree seemed like a good distraction.


	23. Chapter 23

**Hey my fab. readers, hope your all well! A new chapter so soon after the other one? Well it's just because I adore you all. I don't own four brothers.**

"What about this one?"

Jack looked up from the tree he was inspecting and towards where Angel was standing. They'd been shopping for a tree for almost an hour, mostly cause Jack seemed to find something wrong with them all, at least according to Angel. Jack had responded that Angel could be the one to clean out the termites then. He knew he was being difficult, but for some reason it felt very important to find the perfect tree. Like a perfect christmas tree would make everything wrong go right, like a christmas miracle. He scoffed. He hadn't even believed that shit when he was a kid. Definitely not when he was a kid. Trudging over to Angel he could see the tree salesmen rolling his eyes. Fucker should be happy they wanted his fucking trees and that they didn't stuff him into one.

The tree Angel had found was actually pretty nice. "Yeah, this one is good"

Angel let out a sigh of relief and gestured to the man lurking behind the trees. "We'll take this one"

"Great! Want some help pinning it to the roof?"

"Nah we're fine"

And so, almost 40 minutes later when they'd managed to get the thing attached to the roof of Jerry's car they took off, having decided it was best to save the shopping for a day when they didn't have a tree on the roof screaming 'steal me please'. They arrived home and after another 20 minutes managed to take the tree down, Angel ending up in the snow on the sidewalk and Jack with twigs in his hair. Lugging the thing inside proved to be harder than they thought, but eventually the tree was standing somewhat proudly in the livingroom. Jack looked towards Bobby's bed and had a small panic attack when he realized he wasn't there, but a snicker made him look towards the window, and sure enough, there seated in a chair was Bobby, Jerry trying to hold back his laughter next to him. They'd obviously been watching him and Angel struggle with the tree, and found it hilarious.

"He made me" Jerry defended himself.

"Yeah well, thanks for the help" Angel muttered, brushing the snow off his behind.

Bobby laughed, and Jack looked up sharply, his heart jumping a little in his chest. "Tree looks good though, now can one of Santa's little helpers move it to the corner?" Fucker.

Getting the tree in the foot was easy enough and soon it was standing in it's usual spot while they observed it quietly.

"Hey what about some coffee and gingerbread?" Jerry asked cheerily, looking like it was his job to get everyone cheery for christmas. "if think there's a few left from last year"

"Aren't they old?" Angel asked.

"How come there are any left?" Bobby added.

"Cause I hid them" Jerry bragged brightly.

Bobby rolled his eyes but there was a smile on his face. "Look at that sneak"

Jerry only laughed and went to get coffee and the hidden treasure. Jerry may be the 'good' brother, but they were all Mercer's, a comforting thought.

Bobby stood up from his chair and took a step forward, swaying a little. He was still weak, something he hated intensely. Before he knew Jack was at his side, holding his arm, helping him walk towards the bed. The first reaction was to push the unwanted help away, but it was Jack, and he just wanted to help him, even if it drove Bobby up the wall, he had to at least try to accept it. For now at least... since he'd probably keel over otherwise. "Thanks" He muttered as he was seated on the bed. Leaning up against a stack of pillows. Jack didn't answer but Bobby could see the effect on his face by that simple word. That was the thing with Jack, he took to everything. Absorbed it like Jerry with his cookies for rainy days. Bobby told himself to try and be a little more grateful.

"Here we go" Jerry came in with coffee and the year old gingerbread, which Angel sniffed suspiciously, before swallowing it in one bite.

Jack turned on the radio and changed the channel until he found one that was playing christmas music, and as it was turning dark outside they drank their coffee til the tones of Silent Night, which felt kind of weird, seeing as Evelyn wasn't there. Not for the first time since he'd learned of her death did he feel that overwhelming sadness. He missed her so much.

_Silent night, holy night... All is calm, all is bright_

It felt strange. His Ma was gone, and Bobby was pretty sure he'd never see her again. His mother wasn't the type of person who'd end up where he was probably reserved a seat. It hurt, a lot. The wound her death had left hadn't even had a chance to begin to heal when Jack and himself had been shot, and then all that other shit happened. It felt like they'd barely had time to think, much less spend some time together. They were all scrambling around trying to find some footing and avoid going over. Evelyn was gone, and Bobby knew that it was always going to hurt, but he still had his brothers, and that was a whole fucking lot more than he deserved, but he wasn't going to question it. They still had each other, that was the only thing that mattered right now. And this sitting around silently, trying to keep a lid on wasnt' them. "How about those decorations then?"

There were a lot. More than a lot. Evelyn had loved decorations and the box was full of it. Bobby was leading the team, the self appointed leader, while the rest of them dug things up and tried to place it where it had always been before. Jack was pulling some glitter out and inspecting it carefully.

"Find something you like fairy?" Bobby teased.

"I don't remember where this one used to be?" Jack answered, deciding to ignore the fairy comment for now.

"Over the door" Bobby answered, grinning as Jack tried to pin it there without much success.

"What about this one?" Angel held up some weird garling thing, full of lights.

"Stairs" Jack answered.

A thump and a string of curses 5 minutes later told them that Angel had some trouble decorating the stairs, which, like most of everything else, Bobby found hilarious.

"No wonder Ma always came to me first" he snickered.

"Well you are the oldest" Jack countered and ducked as a pillow was thrown his way with surprising accuracy, seeing as the thrower was recovering from being shot.

"Watch it fairy, or Santa's not gonna let you help wrap the gifts this year"

"I'll go with you to the store" Angel offered to Jack, already drooling at the thought of christmas dinner. Besides he needed to buy something really nice for Sofi, and Jack was the best one around to ask. "Hey can we go to the mall?"

"Why?" Jack looked sceptic. He hated the mall, it was full of people.

"I need to buy some christmas gifts" Angel explained carefully in a too calm voice.

"What's wrong with the corner store? I assume it's for La Vida Loca? Just buy her some gum, that'll keep her mouth busy and your all set, and the rest of us can enjoy christmas in silence". Yes Bobby was on a roll. Being stuck inside was doing things to his head that wasn't good for anyone, least of all his brothers.

"Can you shut up man?"

"I don't like the mall" Jack said, looking every bit like a sullen teenager.

"Oh come on honey, I bet if your good you'll get to sit on Santa's lap, you'll like that right?"

"Fuck you Bobby" Jack glared, and Bobby laughed. It felt just like it used to.

"Easy tiger"

"I don't feel like going to the mall anyway, go with Jerry"

Jerry had been quiet up until now. "Sure I'll go, need to pick up a few things anyway"

Angel nodded. Jack was his first choice but Jerry was not a bad second. He had afterall had a wife for several years. Well he used to at least. He shuddered at the thought of Bobby buying girlfriend gifts. That could only end on a bad note, and with him single.

Things don't always turn out the way you think though, and that's how all the Mercer brothers found themselves at the mall two days before christmas. Even Bobby, who'd refused most of his painkillers before going, claiming that he needed a clear head if they were going out into the city. They had all asked him several times to stay home, and Jack offered to stay with him (and not just to get out of a trip to the mall), but he refused. He didn't say anything, but when he'd woken up that morning he'd felt worried about his brothers going by themselves, to the mall of all places. He knew it was probably related to all the shit that happened, and they'd been out buy themselves since then. They'd fucking faced gangsters without him for crying out loud, but just this day he wanted to come. If only to keep Jack from groping Santa.

"I'm in hell" Jack mumbled as they stood in the entrance, gazing out at the sea of people hurrying around, carrying loads of bags and screaming dirty words at anyone who tried to grab something they thought they'd already claimed as their own. Bobby nodded. He definitely agreed with that. "Want me to take you back?" Jack asked, a hopeful expression on his face.

"Nah" Bobby tried to ignore the pain in his body as he shifted his weight. He'd stumbled on the way in, and slapped Angel's hands away as he tried to steady him. Maybe this hadn't been the best idea ever, but he'd be damned before he admit it. "Let's just find someplace to sit that's not covered in kids or grandpa's"

"Or people. At all." Jack added.

Angel turned to them, a solemn look on his face that reminded Jack of that scene in Saving Private Ryan. "We're going in". And Jack thought for a second that he would salute them, but then he and Jerry turned and entered the crowd of people milling around.

"He really has to stop that shit" Bobby remarked. "it's getting weird"

**Anyone longing for christmas? I know I am. Next update will be pretty soon I think, heading to London next week for a few days, so no updates during those days. But if I'm on a roll I might be able to post 2 chapters before that. If not, well then I promise at least one. **


	24. Chapter 24

**I realized today that I started writing Loss of Innocence last year in November, so it's almost a year now that I've kept up with the same storyline without getting bored, that's what an awesome movie will do for you. And not to sound like a sappy idiot (which I am) but you guys have been great, really I mean it. Seems like just yesterday this told me of this great dream she had, and here we are. Planning something special for the 26th, to celebrate he he. As always, Four Brothers do not belong to me, or the quote whick I couldn't find the source to. **

_A Christmas shopper's complaint is one of long-standing _

Jack couldn't remember where he'd heard that saying. Not that it mattered at this point. At this point all that mattered was keeping Bobby from killing the old man that had dared take a seat on their bench, and avoiding ending up in jail over christmas.

"Do you mind?" Bobby rudely cut off the old mans ramblings about not finding his wife.

"Can't you help me? I can't find her?"

Jack sighed. The guy was a drunk, and probably just a little bit crazy, judging from the way his head was rolling on his shoulders as he glanced around like a paranoid bunny. And he smelled like garbage. Not that he was judging.

"For fucks sake man thank your lucky star and get the fuck out!" Bobby snapped. He turned to Jack. "You see why I wanted to come? This place is full of more crazy ass bastards than the county jail, anyone could have just picked you up and used you as a christmas present with a string"

Jack snorted. Trust his brother to manage to sound dramatic and insulting at the same time. "I doubt Grandpa Al over there is capable of picking me up, much less carry me anywhere".

"My name's not Al" The man slurred out, his left eye twitching.

"Yeah we don't care, now get the fuck off this bench before I beat you to death with it" Bobby snarled.

A shriek was heard and then a woman, who was suspiciously a lot like Al came charging at them. Al stood up quickly and hurried over to her. "I couldn't find you Alice"

Said Alice grabbed a firm hold of Al's arm and dragged him away as Bobby and Jack watched. "Take a good look brother" Bobby's voice was somber "That's your brothers future right there". He shifted on the bench and Jack caught the slight wince he was trying to play off as a shrug.

"Want something to drink?" He gestured at the drinks stand, and got up when Bobby nodded and soon returned with two cokes. As he handed one to his brother he reached into the pocket of his hoodie and pulled out two pills and held them out to him.

Bobby glanced down and then laughed. "Thinking of me are you little brother?"

Jack shrugged, a grin on his face. "I knew you'd need them, stubborn bastard"

"Yeah well" Bobby didn't say anything else, but he took the pills and swallowed them, proving to Jack that he really was in pain, as he didn't even fight about it. "I think it runs in the family" he said, shooting a glance at Jack. "Speaking off... how's your shoulder?"

"Much better" Jack nodded. It actually was, it had healed a lot better than he thought it would. Now he could move around without problem, and he only ever really felt some pain in it when the weather took a turn for the worse.

"Good" He nodded, trying not to think about his brother on his knees in the street. A Mercer should never be on his knees for anyone, and he'd be damned if that ever happened again. He would make sure it didn't.

"I hate this place" Jack mumbled.

Bobby looked over at him, a soft look in his eyes that no one would ever catch him wearing around anyone except his brothers. Jack hated the mall, just as he hated almost every public place that had a lot of people in it, with the exception of bar's, where he was almost to drunk to think, and the movie theater cause he loved movies. Bobby knew he expected his tormentors to jump out at him. At least he used to. Now days he probably didn't even think anything along those lines, but his body reacted just the same. He averted his eyes. "Me too".

Jack took in his tense posture and sighed. "Don't you think it's time to stop being pissed at them?"

Bobby hadn't been thinking about that at all, but he didn't want to share those other thoughts right now. "No" he answered bluntly. It wasn't either. They were silent after that, both of them thinking about the past, the present, the future.

Jack spoke again, keeping his eyes averted from his brother. "We need to stick together"

Bobby gritted his teeth. Little shit knew exactly what he was doing. How many times hadn't he told Jack the same thing. That no matter what they had to stick together, have each others backs, cause they were a family, and that's what family do. Oh he'd have their asses alright, he was just waiting to knock them on it. He didn't want to admit it, but he was hurt. This felt exactly like a betrayal, and he never expected it from them. A part of him knew that he had always been a bit unreasnable when it came to Jack and his safety, but he was just a kid damnit. A kid he'd promised he'd protect, no matter what. "We are sticking together Jack" he muttered.

His little brother leveled him with his all knowing look. "You want to beat their asses"

"And I will" Bobby promised. "Dosn't mean we're not sticking together"

"Okay I need your opinion, and don't scoff man" Angel suddenly appaered before them, holding a box in his hand, shooting a warning glare at Bobby.

Bobby and Jack looked down at the box, and Jack turned whiter than a sheet. Please, please not **that. **For the love of everything holy and what little sanity he had left let it not be a ring.

Bobby took it better. He looked up at Angel with a glare. "You better not be that fucking stupid"

Angel looked confused for a few seconds before he caught on. "It's earrings"

Jack let out the breath he'd been holding. Thank God.

"Is it plastic?" Bobby asked.

After Jerry had joined the others they decided they'd had enough of the mall and decided to go to the store and pick up the things Jack had written down. It took awhile and when they were home again Bobby's whole body hurt, and if it wasn't for Jack he probably wouldn't have made it inside. He was out like a light before his head hit the pillow.

Jack put a blanket over his now sleeping big brother before taking a seat on the couch, leaning back and closing his eyes. God he was tired... "Hey" He opened his eyes to see Jerry taking a seat next to him.

"Hey" Jack mumbled, his thoughts drifting. Now that he was the only one cooking in the house he needed a plan, so he'd get everything right. Maybe he could start with the turkey tomorrow...

"I was thinking..."

Jack looked over at Jerry who'd spoken. He looked nervous and Jack was immediatley suspicious. What now?

Jerry continued quickly after seeing Jack's look. "It's nothing bad, well not really bad... I would really love to have my girls here for a few hours on christmas, but Camille isn't really agreeing to it. I thought, maybe you could come with me when I go over to talk to her?"

The heartbroken look in Jerry's eyes suddenly made Jack hate Camille. He'd never had a problem with her before, but this wasn't fair. Jerry was a good father, he didn't deserve to be begging to see his kids on christmas. He was a bit confused though. "Why me?"

"Well, Camille always liked you best. I can't really ask Bobby, and Angel is well you know..."

He did know. Though he doubted his presence would make much of a difference to Camille. Maybe they'd even be thrown out faster by it, but looking at Jerry he agreed anyway, just because he hated that look in his eyes. That defeated look. He hated it. He was also pretty sure Camille didn't like him, just tolerated him more than his brothers. "Sure".

Jerry let out a relieved sigh. "Tomorrow then?"

Jack nodded warily.

_Jingle bells jingle bells..._

Bobby didn't know how the fuck he'd managed to escape the fact that it was approaching christmas for so long, because now it was everywhere. Songs on the radio, christmas movies on television, and a giggling Angel upstairs. Okay maybe he wasn't giggling, but he was sure as hell doing something. He glared at the radio currently playing Jingle Bells for the billionth time. If only he had the energy to get up and smash the fucking thing, but the trip to the mall yesterday had really exhausted him and his body burned like hell, screaming at him for his stupid idea. Jack had been frowning when he swallowed all his pills without a fuss, and was now busy running his hands through his hair nervously. Bobby glared towards the radio again as the song changed to a woman wailing about someone kissing Santa, and he immediately started to formulate a plan to destroy the freaking thing without getting up from his bed. Sure Jack would be pissed, but he'd get over it. His thought drifted back to said brother who was now biting on a nail. "What's going on?"

Jack jumped and shot him a glare. "Nothing"

"It's not nothing when your pulling your hair out and biting your finger off sweetheart" Bobby's knowing voice stated.

Jack sighed and muttered something that sounded suspicioulsy dirty, but Bobby kept his eyes on him until he gave in. "Jerry and I are going over to Camille's to talk her into letting the girls hang here for a couple of hours tomorrow".

Oh. That explained it. "How did he talk you into that?"

Jack shrugged. "He asked"

Bobby knew why Jerry had picked Jack as a wingman, he just hoped it would work. He knew it was important to Jerry, even though he suspected he would have to pop a few more pills to get through it himself. "Well good luck" The words were nonchalant, but his tone wasn't and Jack knew anyway. He still felt guilty for his part in the fuckup that Jerry's marriage had become, and if he thought it would have helped he would have gone over there himself, but he knew that would only make it worse.

"Okay here we go" Jerry straightened his jacket for the tenth time since they'd arrived at Camille's house. His house, even though he didn't live there anymore. The door opened on the second ring and they were met by Camille's face.

Jack was struck by how different she looked. At Evelyn's funeral she'd been sad, but she'd still looked beautiful. Now her face was hard, her mouth set in a firm line. She looked older, bitter. Not at all like she'd looked the times he'd seen her before.

"Camille" Jerry spoke with a soft tone.

"Jerry" She glanced over at him. "Jack. What are you doing here"

"I was wondering if we could talk?" Jerry asked, standing still with a calm face. If anyone had seen him fidgeting before the door opened they wouldn't have believed it was the same person.

Camille sighed and looked like she was about to say no, but then her eyes took on a glint Jack didn't like and opened the door. He could tell Jerry was surprised as well and it took a few seconds before he moved forward, Jack following behind them. As soon as they stepped inside they were greeted by the sight of the kitchen table, a table that was occupied. Sitting at the table were Muriel, Evan's wife. She looked up and when her eyes landed on them her eyes turned cold, and full of hate. She glared first at Jerry, and then her eyes shifted to Jack, her eyes turning even more venomous. Jack could almost feel the hate radiating off her and for a moment he was struck by the horrible feeling of having it directed at him, but then he steeled himself and met her eyes straight on, no emotion in his own.

**Okay. I'm gonna take a leap here. I know Camille is OC, but this is kind of how I imagined her other side to be, a bit more vindictive. She's hurt and feels like she's always been second best to Jerry and that's why she's lashing out. She dosen't really understand why they have to do what they did, since she was never really a part of that world. At least that's my take on it. I also took the oppurtunity to show how Jack's changed. **


	25. Chapter 25

**Thank you all so much for your support, I swear this is better than a freaking psyciatrist office. Way better. I've also been sick, which sucked. **

**Lucy: Really?! That is awesome! He's perfect for it, how the hell am I supposed to wait for it to come out when they haven't even started shooting lol, hope they don't change their mind. I too wish for another Mark/Garrett movie, I agree they have crazy chemistry. I actually heard the studio had pitched an idea of it to Mark, where he would play the older guy and Garrett the younger, but then there was all this talk of some other freaking movie starring Justin Bieber instead and that was that. Talk about a let down.**

**As usual, four brothers is not mine, nor is it's characters.**

He never regretted what he did, or the decisions he made, what was the point? What was done was done and there was no changing it now. And he didn't want to. Staring into Muriel's eyes felt like he was being on trial, a feeling the cops who hauled his ass off hadn't managed to inspire in him. She looked at him like he was lower than low, and he guessed he was. It wasn't exactly a surprise to him, he'd had a lifetime of those looks directed at him. He knew Muriel was in pain, and he felt sorry for her, he really did, but he knew he'd do everything again if it came down to it. It hurt to know that he was responsible for her husbands death, that their kids didn't have a father anymore, but another part of him, that hard bitter part whispered harshly that she didn't care what her husband did as long as _he _wasn't hurt. What about his longtime friend? What about that friends mother? That friends older brother? She had to have known what Evan were dealing in with Sweet, she'd obvioulsy cared nothing for the lives that were ruined by that asshole, so why the hell should he care about her feelings now? His hard gaze sharpened even more on her's as she glared at him.

Fine, he was guilty. But so was she.

He looked at Jerry from the corner of his eye and found him glaring at Camille, a look in his eyes that one rarely saw, at least not when he looked at his wife.

"Camille..." Jerry's voice was a mixture of disappointment and anger.

Camille only straightened up and glared right back. Jack concluded that somehow she'd turned into a bitter harpy. "What Jerry?"

"What is wrong with you?" He didn't understand. He knew she was disappointed in him, he knew he'd let her down, but what was he supposed to do? She'd asked him to choose, not understanding that leaving his brothers was like cutting off a piece of himself. He knew she was hurt, but so was he.

"What do you think Jerry?" Muriel snapped harshly. "Maybe you should have listened to her a little huh? Thought about her feelings, instead of this bastards?" She glared at Jack again, who stood silently next to Jerry, no emotion showing on his face.

"You don't talk about him like that" Jerry's voice was firm, and anger seeped into his words, but before he could continue Jack stopped him.

"It's fine Jer" He shifted his eyes to his brother, telling him it was okay, before meeting Muriel's eyes again. "She has something she needs to say she should say it now".

"It's not all on you man" Jerry protested.

"No, it's all your fault, but he's the only one who wouldn't just stop, you just had to drag Evan" her voice broke as she said his name "down with you".

For a few seconds the tension in the kitchen rose to a near unbearable degree before Jack's voice cut through it. "He dragged himself down". Muriel's enraged gasp showed just how untrue she found Jack's words to be.

"He didn't-"

"He stood by while Sweet's made plans to murder my mother. He could have said something, but he didn't. She died alone because he was too much of a coward to do anything else".

Muriel opened her mouth to protest but Jack beat her to it. "And what about you?" His eyes swept over the fur coat that hung over the back of her chair and lingered on the gold necklace around her neck. "Did you care that my mother was being killed? Or didn't it matter, just as long as the money kept coming in". His voice now cold as ice was forceful and yet calm, an unnerving combination that made the two women at the table fidget uncomfortably.

"Of course I cared! If I had known..." Muriel's voice trailed off...

"You'd what? Last I checked my mother was still dead, and my brother is still recovering from being shot. So forgive me if I don't give a shit about the man who helped make all that happen". Muriel stood up and sweeped her fur around her before heading for the door, where she stopped as Jack continued. "You can blame me all you want, I really don't give a fuck, but if you think your husband was an innocent victim here then..." he shook his head, a sardonic laugh leaving his lips.

Muriel didn't answer, and the door slammed behind her.

Jerry took a deep breath and turned face his wife sitting at the table. "About Christmas..."

Bobby was bored. Exstremely, frustratingly bored, and no one was around. He sat up on the edge of the bed, letting out a low grunt as the wound in his chest stretched and tugged. The fucking radio was still playing, and he'd had just about enough of it. His newest plan now included making himself a cup of coffee and smash the fricken' thing into a thousand pieces with a sledgehammer. Yeah, it was a great plan. He stood slowly and took a step forward testing himself. A little shaky, probably cause of the damn pills they kept giving him. He made a mental note to cut down on that shit. He made it into the hallway and pulled open the door to the closet, trying to find what he was looking for among all the other rubbish there. No luck. Maybe in the basement then. But that meant he would have to make it down the stairs, which he could, but it would take for-fucking-ever. He decided to compromise. Yeah, he could do that. He made his way into the kitchen and one of the cupboards, and there it was. The hammer he'd gotten Angel a few years ago when he'd first started getting serious about Sofi, it would have to do.

_Last Christmas  
>I gave you my heart<br>But the very next day you gave it away  
>This year<br>__To save me from tears  
>I'll give it to someone special<em>

He glared over att the offending piece of machinery now sprouting out some crap about hearts and flowers on Christmas. Well not for long, it's reign of torment was over. He stalked over slowly, eyeing the radio as if it was a dangerous animal that could lash out at him any given second. He crept closer and raised the hammer, an evil chuckle escaping his lips as he did. He was just about to strike when a shriek echoed in the kitchen and he spun around, dropping the hammer on his foot in his surprise.

"Fuck! Ow! Fucking hell!" He cursed and grabbed his foot, he didn't know what hurt the most, his foot or his chest.

"What the hell are you doing?!" Sofi screeched at him from her place in the doorway, her hand to her chest "You scared the shit out of me you asshole!".

Bobby gritted his teeth and willed the pain in his foot to disappear so he could walk again, and kill Sofi. "ME? What the hell are you doing? You almost gave me a heartattack you crazy bitch".

"Me? You're the one who was waving that hammer around like a crazy bastard, I thought you were going to kill someone!"

Bobby smiled through his pain. "Well I was planning on a thing, but I guess _someone _will have to do instead" He glared at her menacingly.

"You asshole" Sofi spat "Here I am, taking care of you practically day and night, and what do I get in return..."

"You taking care of me? That's a sick joke" Bobby growled back. "And as far as free service goes need I remind you that you live here for free, and fucking my brother is not a form payment around here honey".

Sofi gasped, steam practically flowing from her. She started towards Bobby, but Angel's arrival in the kitchen stopped her. "Bobby what are you doing up?"

Bobby didn't move his glare from Sofi. "I wanted a cup of coffee"

"Well I'll make it, and can you two please stop fighting? You" He pointed to Sofi "No attacking him until he's better" he turned to Bobby "and you, please try to be... nice".

Bobbt grinned "I am nice, and don't worry about it, I think this is better fit for it's original use anyway" he glared over at Sofi while picking up the hammer threateningly.

"Back to bed Bobby" Angel ordered.

"Don't tell me what to do asswipe"

Angel sighed. "Jack and Jerry will be home soon, and you know how he gets. You shouldn't worry him like this".

Bobby scoffed but headed back to the bed, limping as he went, the hammer still clasped firmly in his hand.

"What did he mean Angel?" Sofi cut in. "What did he mean about the hammer?"

"Nothing baby, I don't know what he's talking about" Angel answered quickly, ignoring the chuckle coming from the livingroom.

When Jack and Jerry returned home Bobby was seated in bed, a cup of coffee in his hand, and the hammer next to him. Jack looked at a sulking Sofi on the couch and then turned back to Bobby. "What did you do?"

Bobby chuckled. "Nothing Jackie"

"Why is the hammer on the bed?"

Bobby lifted said hammer and inspected it closely. "Well you never know when it might come in handy". Jack eye's tightened but Bobby cut him off. "Don't worry about it". And he shouldn't. Afterall, the freaking radio was still playing, _for now... _and Sofi was still here, something he had a feeling would never change. He eyed the hammer again, but a voice in his head which sounded suspiciously like Evelyn snapped at him. _BOBBY MERCER! _He placed it next to him again with a sigh. Why couldn't he just get a freaking break.

"You need anything?" Jack asked, and Bobby took in the tired look in his eyes with a frown.

"I'm good"

Jack nodded and then headed up the stairs. Bobby watched him go, and then turned to Jerry. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing. The girls are gonna be here for a few hours on Christmas"

"That's great. What's wrong?" Bobby asked again, impatience coloring his words.

Jerry sighed. "Well... when we got there Camille had company and..."

"Who?"

Jerry shot his older brother an exasperated look before answering. "Muriel".

Muriel. Evan's wife. Bobby remembered seeing her at the bowling hall where they'd cornered Evan. That couldn't be good. "What happened?"

Jerry tried to shrug, like it was no big deal. Bobby thought he looked like a cartoon character. "She said some things to Jack, about Jack, and us".

Fucking bitch, Bobby swore silently. Why couldn't they just leave his brother alone? Couldn't they see how fragile he was? Maybe that was it, they smelled blood. Vultures. "How's Jack?" he asked instead of voicing all his thoughts.

Jerry sighed and took a seat next to Sofi. "Quiet".

Quiet. The worst possible thing for Jack to be. "I'm going up" he said, and it wasn't a question, but Jerry answered anyway.

"Give him some time first".

Bobby scoffed. "He dosen't need time, he needs..." he trailed off, what exactly did Jack need? A shrink? Pills? Any of those things had never worked before and they sure as hell wouldn't now. Jack needed his brothers, it was that simple.

"Just give him some time, he'll come down when he's ready".

Bobby leaned back again. He didn't like it but maybe Jerry was right. He'd come down in awhile and then they could talk, and he'd listen and he'd tell him that he'd kill anyone who'd said something stupid, he just had to point them out and he'd take care of it. Everything was gonna be fine, he'd make sure of it.

Two hours went by while Bobby waited. Angel said he'd make dinner, and the horrified looks on the others pissed him off and so he'd spent the last 30 minutes in the kitchen, slamming plates and just about everything else that could be moved. Bobby gritted his teeth as another glas met it's fate in the sink, followed by a curse from Angel. "For fuck's sake Angel".

"Shut up" He snapped back.

Bobby shook his head. "Whatever. Just thought it would be fun if we had anything to eat on, assuming something will be edible of course".

Sofi threw her hair over her shoulder and stuck her nose in the air. "Angel is good at everything he does Bobby".

"Well I really didn't need to know that" Jerry muttered. "Where the hell is Jack?" He continued, the desperation starting to make itself known in his voice.

Bobby leveled him with a serious look. "Get him".

Jerry nodded and stood up just as Jack appaered on the stairs. "Jack, thank god".

"What's wrong?" He asked as he walked down.

"Angel is making dinner" Bobby announced in a grave voice.

Jack rolled his eyes and headed for the kitchen, two sighs of relief following him. He heard Jerry murmur to Bobby "Don't worry, Jack will take care of it now". He took in what used to be the kitchen and the brother standing in the middle of it, a sullen look on his face and something black and burnt in a pan on the stove. "Need some help?" He raised an eyebrow at Angel in question, and was mildly surprised when he slapped his arms around him in a crushing hug.

"Don't ever leave the kitchen again".

"That'll be hard" Jack smiled a little and patted his back.

"You know what I mean"

"I know I know" He extracted himself from his brothers hug to place the now ruined pan in the sink. "What is it anyway? Or what was it supposed to be?" he corrected himself.

"Soup"

Jack lifted his eyebrows and chuckled. "Wow. Never would have guessed".

**Angel's cooking, Jack's moody, Bobby's... Bobby and Jerry is some kind of happy at least. Hope you liked it, I felt good writing it at least lol. **


	26. AN

Sorry it's not a chapter yet guys, but it's on the way! Now before you light the torches let me explain lol. Lucy: I've been having the worst kind of block I think, literally swimming in some small dark pit of despair, but it's actually let go now I think (hours of watching Four Brothers might have something to do with that), BUT I haven't been able to find my usb, cause as you all probably know when one thing goes wrong everything else follows close behind, and my computer started behaving weirdly and I had to save what could be saved, but now I can't find the freaking thing!

I kind of don't want to let that chapter go either, since I really like a big part of it... going to clean the whole house today and empty every bag until I find it.

Well then onto the good news. Lucy, you just gave me an idea for a flashback! I don't think I've ever written about it either. So those of you who want to, check back in a few hours and there will be something waiting for you here, or when you wake up, depending on where you are in the world.

Going bowling tonight (totally irrelevant I know) since it's my birthday this weekend, any chance I'll see someone looking just a little like Bobby or Jack?

Lol didn't think so.


	27. Chapter 27

**Hello my lovelies, as you may now if you have read my AN I have had some troubles, but enough of that now. This is a flashback chapter which I hope you'll enjoy. **

**Hope writing is going good Lucy, glad to be of help in return :D**

**I don't own four brothers or the poem. It's called "Those who are left behind" and is written by TJB Cameron.**

_Time marches forward, stopping for no one  
>Every second that passes echoes the splinters in our hearts We put on a brave face and play this game called life<em>

_Yet no matter how much we try we do not win  
>Our pain and loss forever scarred upon our souls<br>Every moment of joy is made bittersweet by your absences_

_We struggle through the remainder of life  
>Holding onto our memories that are all we have<br>Determined never to forget our loved ones. _

_It's strange isn't it, how you are never prepared for your life to change, yet it always does. You know better than anyone how fleeting life can be,and how little a human life can be worth, and still you find yourself numb for a few seconds, your body frozen in time, like if you don't speak it's not real, if you continue to ignore the voice calling your name through the phone you can pretend just a little bit longer, just a little bit longer that this isn't happening, that this isn't real. You can pretend that everything is just as it was a few minutes ago, when you were still sitting at the table going through the papers that didn't look so good but was so much better than this knowledge that you now have._

_But you can't be that person, not now, now you have to be the one that takes care of things, be the guy you grew into around those you love so much. The responsible one. You can do that, fall back on the familiarity to get you through this next hour at least. You open your mouth and you ask, if he's sure. Please don't be... But the answer is as expected. Of course it is. No one calls the family with news of death if they're not sure. You hang up. A hand on your back makes you flinch and it drops. You try to explain, but you can't, there's only one thing you need to do now, you can't do anything until you've done that. _

_You call Angel first, not for any other reason than that you know he's the easiest to get a hold off. You need to talk, to share this knowledge that's too heavy to bear on your own. Need to talk to someone younger than him, so he can make him feel responsible again. He needs that. He answers cheerily, it's been awhile, but soon he turns quiet and Jerry can hear his breathing quicken and his voice choke up and his own eyes tells him everything he knows, which isn't much and he tells him he's coming. He's in Vegas, but he's catching the next flight, he'll be there soon. Their both silent, both feeling the change already, the emptiness. _

"_We'll be here when you get back Ang" Ang... it's been a million years since he called him that, it feels good. We..._

_They hang up, and Jerry wonders if it's really a good idea to call him next. Before him. But he knows that if anyone can talk to him it'll be him. He dials the familiar number and dosen't have to wait long. _

"_Hello" It's quiet in the background, despite everything he always craved that more than anything._

"_Jack"_

_It hurts, hurts like few things has ever done before and Jack is no stranger to pain. He knows why Jerry asked him to call him, and he can't deny that he needs to talk to him too. He loves them all like nothing else, but he needs Bobby right now. Bobby who takes care of everything, Bobby's strong, he'll fix it all just like he always has. He tries to ignore that small voice that is always screaming doubts at him, tries to ignore the whispers in his mind that nothing will be able to fix this. _

_He answers on the third signal._

"_Jack?"_

_He tries to get his mouth to work, but all that come's out is a choked sob._

"_Jack? What's wrong?" Bobby's worried voice carries as clearly over the line as if he was standing right next to him._

"_Bobby..." He tries to breathe, but such a simple thing as drawing air down his lungs seems like the most impossible thing._

"_Jack are you hurt? Has someone..."_

_He cuts him off then, air forcing itself down his lungs in a painfil manner. "Bobby it's Ma..."_

_And he knows. Bobby knows his brothers, and now he knows..._

"_She, there was a robbery and they..." The air is gone again..._

_It consumes you. Hatred burns along every inch of your body and you gasp and it only burns brighter until you can't see anything else... It's instinct to want to be close to those you love in a time of need, you need the comfort and strength you know they can provide. _

_The night is hard. _

_Jerry spends the night at the kitchen table, listening to Camille trying to comfort him, trying not to let on that what he really needs right now is them. He loves her, but right now that's not enough. _

_Angel takes a cab to the airport and spends the rest of the night drinking away the pain. For every glass it hurts just a little bit more, still he dosen's stop, cause the lines around his eyes are blurring and that's what he wants right now._

_Jack leans against the wall, sliding down silently until he reaches the floor. There's a hole in his chest, and the memories of a different time seems closer than ever, snapping at his heels. He stares silently out the window. It's going to rain._

_Bobby hurls the glass across the room with a furious yell and a half sob, he reaches for another one but the pain in his heart makes him drop it and clench the table instead. His eyes fill with tears and it seems like everything is burning. It's an inferno inside him, guilt and pain raging a war with no winners. He takes a deep breath, his fingers slowly releasing their hold on the table. He wants to rage, to cry, but not now. There's things that needs to be done first, and he enters his bedroom, reaches for a bag, filling it with clothes and without hesitation he grabs the other things he knows he'll need. _

**Hope you liked!**


	28. Chapter 28

**So the time has come for the Christmas special, or rather the Christmas chapter. I want to apologize for the late arrival of this chapter. I've had a few rough months and I stupidly all but ignored school during that time, and well now I'm knee deep in s*it. It's boring so I wont go into details, but I have a lot to catch up on. My own fault. But I wanted you to know. I'm working hard so hopefully everything will be normal soon. Also finally managed to find the usb containing this story, I hope you like it.**

**As usual, I don't own Four Brothers.**

"_About Christmas..." _

_Camille lifted her eyes from where they had been glaring a hole through the table. She felt bad about____Muriel's accusations, she really did. She understood where she was coming from, but like Jack had said, Evan was hardly an innocent victim here, if Muriel refused to admit it. She felt a bit guilty, inviting them in when she knew what was waiting for them in the kitchen. She was just so, angry. All the time now. When had she ever been angry like this? Would she ever stop? It really didn't feel like it now. "You want the girls?" She asked flatly. Of course he did. Despite his background, his out of control brothers, and the mess their lives were she could always count on Jerry wanting to see his dauughters. Lately she had been thinking it would have been better if he didn't. _

_Jerry nodded, and she could see how nervous he was about asking, the glance in his eyes that told her how sure he was of her answer, and for a moment she was tempted to let him have it, let him know that there was no way he was gonna get the luxuary of seeing his kids on Christmas, not when he so clearly had no wish to see __**her, **__at all. She wanted him to hurt like she was hurting, to feel abandoned and unimportant, everything she felt, even though she was the one who left him. No, no, that wasn't right. He'd left her a long time ago. Right about the time when his brothers rolled back into town. Just like she always knew he would. Staring at him now she felt confused. He looked the same as he always had, they way he held his hat in his hands was so familiar, he was the same, yet not... different, but still the same. Hadn't she loved him once? When the tears came she got up quickly and busied herself with the dishes to hide them. She couldn't let them see her cry, she couldn't bear it. When the words came they surprised everyone, even her._

"_Three hours during the day. We're leaving for my parents at three". The relieved sigh hurt, and her hand clenched around the cup in her hand. She wanted to take the words back. Tell him that their girls, her girls, had no business in his life such as it was. Tell him that he couldn't have it all. But the words wouldn't come. _

"_Thank you" He hesitated "Camille..."_

"_Just leave". She couldn't take anymore today, not now, not while she was still so weak. The slam of the door told her that she was now alone, and the hand that had been holding the cup so hard let go, and it fell into the sink with a startling clatter that she didn't notice, the hand instead pressing against her heart, the part of her that felt so out of place. _

...

"Ho ho ho"

Bobby looked up from his bed and sure enough there he was, not Santa, or even an elf, but his youngest brother, an oddly cheerful smile on his face.

"You alright there fairy? It's almost like..." his eyes widened dramatically and he slapped a hand over his mouth in mock horror. "don't tell me... you came downstairs during the night while I was asleep, found Santa underneath the tree, discovered that no, there was no dildo in a neat package there for you, and to get revenge you stripped him down and tied him to your bed wearing nothing but the hat and boots... am I right?"

"You're a sick bastard" Jack frowned at him.

"Tell me something I don't know. You making breakfast or what?"

"Don't I always?"

"That's the spirit!"

Jack trudged into the kitchen and smiling with the devil dancing in his eyes he turned on the radio, jingle bells playing, and was rewarded with a curse from his brother. He stifled a laugh as he started making coffee. Little brothers knew stuff too, mostly how to get on the oldest nerves.

Sofi sweeped in, for once fully dressed in her own clothes instead of Angel's and pecked Jack on the cheek, frowning when he flinched.

"Merry Christmas Jack" The frown went away and was replaced by a smile which he returned, albeit a bit more subdued.

"Uh, same to you. Merry Christmas Sofi. Want some breakfast?"

"I can't stay, I'm celebrating with my family, but I'll be back later tonight, and with a present for you" Another wide smile.

"It better not be a sister" Bobby grumbled while entering the kitchen and taking a seat.

A curse in spanish, and something whipping around their heads and then she was gone. Jack figured that some magic had to have had a hand in that.

"Please God, coffee" Bobby moaned, dragging a hand over his eyes.

Jack placed a cup of the steaming liquid in front of him and raised an eyebrow. "You could just call me Jack".

"Smartass" Bobby's eyes followed his brother as he moved around the kitchen with ease. "So... you seem happy?"

Jack stopped for a second before he continued. He could feel his brothers eyes on him but he didn't turn around, choosing to keep his back to him. "I am. It's... a good day to be, alive". He sounded as if he was testing that last word, just trying it out on his tongue to see how he felt about it.

Bobby nodded, his eyes solemn. "It is". It really was. He might seem ungrateful but he wasn't. He knew how much it was worth to be here, that they were all here. Except they weren't. Like Jack could read his mind he stopped in the midst of cracking an egg.

"I miss her"

They always would. It would always hurt, no matter how far they came, no matter how good they got. Evelyn was gone and she was never coming back. That would never stop hurting. "I do too. She always loved Christmas".

...

_Are you sure this is right?" Bobby held the brightly colored something in his hand and frowned. It seemed to fragile to be anywhere but in the box. His assessment proved to be correct 5 minutes later when it lay broken on the floor. Angel was cursing, since he was the one who dropped it, Jerry was sighing because he was the one who was cleaning it up, and Bobby didn't care cause he was watching Jack watch the Christmas tree. _

_He was fascinated by the look of wonder on the kid's face and he wondered if he'd ever looked the same. If he'd ever stared at something with that level of amazement and wonder. He didn't think so, at least he couldn't remember it. How could it be that when he thought back to those days, the days before Evelyn, he could only remember the bad. There had to have been some kind of hope right? Something that made sense..._

_He remembered one Christmas, the one before Evelyn came in to his life. He'd been in a group home, and they'd had a tree, a pretty shitty one but the younger kids were all wrapped up in it, gushing about the colors and the tinsel and all that fucking crap that he was too tough, and too hardened to give a shit about. He'd been sitting silent on the ratty old couch, pissed cause someone had decided that he liked matches to much to get to keep them during the holidays, since they reckoned that the fire department had enough to worry about without him. He wasn't worried though, there was always ways, even if they weren't allowed to leave right now. He'd get them some other way. It wasn't like he was planning on starting a fire, it was the way they treated him. Like they knew better, like he couldn't be trusted with the simplest things. And so he sat alone, staring at tree who'd seen better days. _

...

"Looks great Jack" Jerry smiled as he took a seat. He'd been on some kind of high all morning, anxiously waiting for his girls to come.

Angel had come downstairs a few minutes after Sofi had left, whistling some jaunty tune that threatened to kill even Jack's holiday spirit. Appaerently he'd already given Sofi her present, which she had loved, and thus making him late for breakfast. Bobby had pretended to gag, while Jerry just shook his head.

They'd decorated the tree the night before and Jack was pretty proud of it, mostly the star at the top, since he was the one who'd placed it there, shooting Bobby a teasing grin afterwards. It was kind of funny how Bobby was the shortest of them, but no one almost never noticed. He had enough charisma and general bad ass-ness to strike a room into silence just by being there. They hadn't really talked about presents, since they all figured that they didn't need them, but they had found their way underneath the tree still. It was nice, they didn't need gifts, but the traditions made it seem like everything was still the same, like everything hadn't changed.

At noon a knock was heard and Jerry who'd been waiting all but threw open the door.

"Daddy!"

In the midst of hugging and kissing his girls, and listening to them talk about the gifts they'd gotten already, he couldn't help but notice how tired Camille looked. He wanted to talk, to let her know that he was there, but how could he? When she'd made it so clear that she didn't wish him to be, and a few tense moments later she left without saying hello to anyone else. Jerry followed his girls, who headed straight to the tree, happily chattering the whole way and to his amusement, and Bobby's horror, they threw themselves at him where he sat on the couch.

"Uncle Bobby! Mom said you were in the hospital, are you okay? Did you get a cold?" They rattled of questions faster than he could answer.

Bobby chuckled and reached out to ruffle Amelia's hair. "Yeah something like that. You girl's have a good day so far?"

The girls started rattling off everything they'd gotten while Bobby smiled and nodded when it seemed like they wanted a response. For the next few hours the brothers ate candy, exchanged gifts with the girls and listened to them talk about all things possible. Bobby looked over at Jerry, who was sitting on the couch in between his girls, a happy smile on his face. It was clear he was in heaven. Bobby didn't know why Camille continued to be such a bitch about Jerry seeing his kids, but he figured it had something to do with all of them. Sure their lives had been far from child friendly lately, but any idiot could see how much Jer loved his kids.

When the doorbell rang Jerry's smile slipped a little before he quickly rearranged it and turned to the girls. "That's probabably mommy".

"You coming with daddy?"

Bobby didn't stick around to hear Jerry's explanation for not coming with them, choosing instead to answer the door, but someone had the same thought. He tried to not leap across the hall when Jack pulled the door open, one hand holding a cup of coffee.

"Camille" he heard Jack greet Jerry's ex? Wife? He tried to ignore the part of his heart sighing in relief.

"Are the girls ready?" Camille's crisp voice cut through the air, making it seem a little less friendly than it had been moments ago. Bobby wanted to walk over and give her a piece of his mind, but some part of him, a very small part, tried to be understanding, and crowding her in the doorway probably wouldn't help Jerry's case.

"Soon" Jack answered, an edge to his voice that made Bobby frown. Since when did he have that attitude when dealing with Camille. There must have been more to the meet than they'd told him. It was silent for a few seconds and Bobby leaned against the wall, listening.

"Don't look at me like that" Jack didn't answer. "I always liked you Jack, but not now. You've changed, and not for the better".

"Yeah well, it's not everyday you see your brother gunned down in front of you. It changes things". That clipped tone did definitely not use to be there. "Maybe it's better if you wait outside Camille" Jack continued. "Wouldn't want you to get dirt on those high horses".

Bobby blinked. What was this? Not even he himself would have said that, even if he sure had been thinking it. He straigtened up and and saw that Jerry and the girls had collected their things and were making their way over. Time to smooth things over. He came to a stop next to Jack. "Hi Camille".

"Bobby"

"Mom! Look what we got!"

"Very nice honey, we better get going"

The goodbye was a lot less painful than expected after Jack promised the girls they'd get to play his guitar the next time they came by. Bobby made a mental note to be absent during that time. One rockstar in the family was more than enough.

…

Bobby watched as his youngest brother took the turkey out and cut it silently. He'd been quiet since Camille and the girls had left and Bobby didn't like it, but when dealing with Jack one had to thread carefully. "What's going on with you and Camille?" So much for subtle.

Jack laughed loudly and threw him a glance over his shoulder. "Are you serious?" He laughed again while getting a few bottles of beer from the fridge.

Bobby sighed. "You know what I meant"

"Yes Bobby I know" Jack imitated him mockingly.

"Hey, watch it, I can still kick your ass into next week"

"Sure grandpa" Jack smiled before sobering up. "Can we just... enjoy christmas?"

Bobby wanted nothing more. Everything wasn't fine, but he too wanted to pretend for just today, and hope that maybe it could be.

…

Dinner was loud, and full of memories. They tried not to think about the fact that someone was missing, and that two of them might not have been here if things had gone was slightly drunk and grumbling about how Sofi still hadn't showed up, while Bobby snickered and whispered to Jack that he'd disabled the doorbell and locked the door, making Jack choke on his beer, Jerry laugh and shake his head.

"That won't stop her" Jack grinned.

"I know, but it'll delay her, and my misery" Bobby responded.

No sooner had he spoken before a loud banging was heard from the front door. "ANGEL! Open this door!"

The Angel in question got up and walked over to the door and opening it. "Hey who locked the door?"

"Just for everyone's safety" Bobby shouted back.

"Didn't you hear the bell? I've been standing here freezing for the last 5 minutes Angel"

"Why didn't you just go home then?" Bobby asked, but sighed when she only smiled in response. Seems like even Sofi could be affected by the holiday spirit. "Take a seat Loca, it's a little too sane without you anyway".

"I wouldn't call it sane" Jack laughed.

"Yeah well, it's home anyway" Bobby grinned.

**Christmas was supposed to be longer, and I dunno, funnier and better, but my head wasn't ine the game as you all know, so I'm leaving it and moving on with guys to other stuff. Hope you liked this chapter anyway!**


	29. Chapter 29

**Feeling kind inspired lately, love it. Also, many congrats to Lucy who won first prize in a writing contest, really good job especially since you wrote it 10 hours before! :D Proof of skill I'll say!**

**I don't own Four Brothers this time either.**

New Years Eve, new beginnings, promises and resolutions, hope that the year coming would be the best one yet, or at least better than the one's before. He remembered sitting right here so many times before, right on these steps, thinking, wondering, barely daring to hope, almost as often as he'd sit on the roof outside his room. And then, when it was obvious that he was staying here, when he finally believed Evelyn, he still sat here. Mostly cause of the quiet, and at this time in the morning no one else was usually up, hell he was usually asleep too, but he'd slept badly, he was itching for something. He wanted to crawl out of his skin but he was trying to control it. He knew where the solution was, hidden beneath his pillow just in case everything got to be too much, but something was telling him that this wasn't the time. He didn't know if he was being paranoid yet again, or if his mind had finally cracked and he'd gone insane, but he couldn't shake that bad feeling he had.

The door opened just as he lit his cigarette and he glanced behind him to find Angel yawning and stretching.

"Thought I heard something back here" He took a seat next to Jack on the steps, his long legs stretched out before him while Jack had his arms resting on his.

"Marine hearing?" Jack smiled a little and inhaled, the smoke burning his lungs a little, he hadn't smoked nearly as much as he used to, which was weird, since he'd never needed it more.

"Something like that. Fuck it's cold" Angel rubbed his arms frantically, glancing at Jack's thin hoodie. "You're gonna get sick".

"Never have before"

Angel shrugged. It was true, Jack could stand the cold better than anyone he knew. He knew it was a story behind it, as it always was with Jack, but he'd never asked, and he wasn't sure he wanted to know. While Bobby had prodded and pushed when their youngest brother came to them he'd always kept it on Jack's terms. It wasn't right or wrong, they were just different. Bobby needed to know, everything. Angel could wait, and though it had taken him a lot longer than it had taken with Bobby, Jack had finally started trusting him and Jerry too. Now they all knew most of what had happened to Jack, but not everything. Angel guessed that Bobby knew everything, but he wasn't sharing. Some things were best left between Bobby and Jack.

He took in the faraway look in Jack's eyes and the tense way he held his cig, and somewhere inside him a bell rang. Maybe it was streetsmarts, or maybe his training, he didn't know, but he knew not to question it. "What's wrong?"

Jack wasn't surprised, he was pretty used to his brothers knowing everything, and if not, them asking until they did. He just wasn't sure what was wrong, something was, but he couldn't really describe it. "I don't know".

Angel frowned. So something was wrong then. "You feeling okay? Is it..."

Jack shook his head. "Not that" Well at least not entirely. "Somethings... off".

"You should tell Bobby"

Jack shook his head again "He has enough to worry about right now. It's probably nothing anyway". He stubbed what was left of the cigarette against the stairs.

Angel laughed loudly. "Yeah, that'll go over well. He'll just love that".

Jack grinned a little. "He needs to get better, not go tearing through the town guns blazing" Again, he added silently to himself.

Angel grinned and reached out, placing an arm around his shoulders. To an outsider it would have looked casual, but it wasn't really. Even though Jack had gotten used to them many years ago, and had gotten used to being touched, or hugged randomely, it felt like they had had a few setbacks lately. And so he made sure Jack could see his arm clearly before he placed it around him. Some things were just instinct. "So alike" He mumbled.

"What are you two doing now?"

They looked up and caught sight of Jerry sticking his head out Jack's window.

"Just talking Jerry, nothing serious" Angel grinned.

"Really? Just talking? Planning more like it. I could feel the town shudder. Woke me up".

"Ha ha, aint you the funny guy"

"What are you doing in my room?" Jack asked.

"Looking for your ass, I just knew something was going on. I could hear planning in my sleep. Someone's gotta keep an eye on you two. And what is that noise? Did someone crank the radio to the highest or what?"

"Maybe" Jack grinned.

"Well right now it's playing some kind of ballad and you know how..."

Jerry was interrupted by a loud crash coming from inside the house. He let out a curse and gave his brothers an 'I told you so' look before disappering from view. Angel and Jack got up too, altough a bit more slow, Jack chuckling. Angel stopped him with a hand on his shoulder.

"What did you do?" He grinned.

Jack grinned back. "Nothing he wouldn't have done himself".

Angel chuckled. "You're crazy".

"Just trying to get back to normal" Jack snickered and reached for the door.

Angel scoffed, but the grin on his face showed him much he'd really like that. "Yeah, normal". He followed Jack, but before closing the door he felt something prickling along his neck. Turning around he let his eyes sweep across the lawn, but finding nothing he turned slowly and closed the door behind him.

…

_The whispers in the morning  
>Of lovers sleeping tight<br>Are rolling like thunder now  
>As I look in your eyes<em>

At first it felt strangely like a dream Bobby thought, but he soon realized that it wasn't, no not at all, it was that fucking radio again. He tried to keep calm, he really did, but he was fucking tired and he hated that fucking thing with a vengeance. It seemed to be out to get him, and then the wailing started. The radio host declared it to be a Celine Dion song and he wasn't surprised. Of course it was, at fucking 7 in the morning.

_Cause I am your lady  
>And you are my man<br>Whenever you reach for me  
>I'll do all that I can<em>

That's it. He'd had enough. Getting out of bed was as usual a bitch, but the hammer felt pretty nice in his hand. He got up and listened, no brothers in sight. Well it was just fucking awesome how they could sleep through this fucking shit. Well not everyone obviously. Someone had turned on the radio and turned the volume up, and he had a pretty good idea as to who that someone was. He came to a stop in the doorway to the kitchen, glaring at the offending piece of machinery. Oh it was in on it alright. It enjoyed mocking him. But no more, no one was around to save it now. He chuckled evilly and took the steps seperating him from the piece of shit.

The first hit felt great, but unfortunately Celine's voice still came out of it in a gurgled mess. So he hit it again, and again and again until it was nothing but small itty bitty pieces on the counter. He took a step back and inspected his work. Pretty good if he'd say so himself. His chest hurt like a bitch from the unexpected strain it'd gotten, but it was worth it. He spotted the coffeemachine and the full coffeepot, at least someone had made coffee before they decided to ruin his day. He took a seat at the table just as steps on the stairs signaled someone coming down.

A the same time as Jerry came barging in the backdoor opened and Jack and Angel entered. All three took in the sight of Bobby sitting at the kitchen table, a cup of coffee and a hammer next to him. Their eyes drifted to the destroyed radio and back to their oldest brother, calmly sipping his coffee.

"What?"

…

"I liked that radio" Jerry complained for the hundreth time since breakfast.

"Then I guess you shouldn't have let your little brother use it" Bobby shot back.

"Hey! You're the one who trashed it" Jack reminded him.

"And who used it as a torture device?"

"How was I supposed to know you would snap?"

"Well he's still Bobby" Angel cut in, ducking when Bobby's hand flew his way.

"We can always get a new one" Jack grinned at Bobby. It felt entirely too good teasing his brother again.

"We don't need another one. We don't need a fucking radio at all" Bobby snapped. He got up, wincing a little as he did.

"Hey did you take your pills?" Jack got up to follow him to the couch.

"No Martha I did not"

"Bobby..." Jack sighed.

"I don't want them, they're not making me better anyway"

"You need them. You're gonna start training, you should have started already, you can't do that without them".

"I have started already"

"Oh yeah, what kind of training have you done so far?"

"Well just this morning I smashed a fucking radio to pieces"

Jack rolled his eyes.

"You should listen to him" Angel took a seat on the couch. "He's making sense".

"Well this is just fucking wonderful, two Marthas in the same house. Lucky me. Listen I am training, I have that piece of paper and I do as I'm told. It's all good".

Jack sighed slowly. "I'm gonna go to the store. Anyone want anything?" He decided to change the subject for the time being.

"I'm coming with" Bobby sat up straighter.

Jack decided not to argue. Since the radio incident Bobby had been unpredictable. And, maybe he too was going crazy being inside all the time. He was about to reach out and give his brother a hand, but the look on Bobby's face stopped him. He raised his hands in a sign of surrender and went to get his jacket instead.

Bobby got up and grunted a little. He hated this, hated feeling... helpless. It pissed him off to no end. He was about to follow Jack when Angel's hand on his arm stopped him. He was about to mouth off again but the look in his eyes stopped him.

"When you get back we need to talk"

Bobby nodded. He knew not to ask, if Angel wanted to talk now he would have said so. But it made the hairs stand on the back of his neck. And, since he was the only one in the room it seemed like he didn't want anyone to know. Which usually meant one thing. Something was going on.

"Want me to carry you?" Jack's voice drifted back to them.

Bobby gave Angel one last look before trudging towards the door. "You'd like that wouldn't you".

…

"So..." They were walking slowly though the store, something Bobby would never admit was because of him. Just like he would never admit he was grateful to Jack for shoving the cart at him. In all honesty it was pretty nice to be able to lean on something as he walked.

"So..." Jack echoed.

"What was so important that you needed to shop at the drop of a hat?"

"Just wanted to get out of the house for awhile" Jack turned his head to look at his brother as he gestured to the cereal on the shelf "Which one?"

"You pick"

Jack plucked a box from the shelf and threw it in the cart. "Didn't you?"

"Didn't I what?" Bobby asked as he picked up the box and looked at the pirate in front. "Really Jack?"

"Hey you said I could pick" Jack grinned.

"It's for kiddies" Bobby frowned. "Altough that seems fitting" He laughed as Jack tossed another box of cereal at him.

"Jerry likes those"

Bobby looked at the new box and sighed. "Jesus, not an ounce of sugar, what the hell is this?"

"Healthy alternative. And didn't you want to get out a little too?"

"Healthy my ass, he's gonna make himself sick with all the weird stuff he's eating. And yeah I did".

"Thought so"

"So what's going on?" Bobby's voice turned serious.

"Gonna get some fruit, maybe apples" Jack mused.

"You know that's not what I meant"

Jack sighed. "Nothings going on"

"Can't fool me Jackie. I'm your big brother, I know when somethings wrong". It also helps when a third brother let's something slip.

"It's..."

Bobby cut him off smoothly. "Nothing, I know. Tell me anyway".

Jack sighed and stopped in front of the apples. He inspected those for awhile before choosing a few and turning to look at Bobby who was still looking at him.

"It's just a feeling".

Bobby turned cold and his heart skipped a beat. "A feeling of what?"

Jack hesitated, he didn't really want to put this on his brother, not now. But there was no hiding from Bobby, there never had been. He'd learned that much growing up.

"Someone was watching me"

And just like that the cold feeling disappeared, only to be replaced with white hot rage. Someone watching Jack only meant one thing to him - bad news. And bad news regarding his little brother made him want to scream, pummel and set fire to something. Sometimes all three combined. He took in the tense way in which Jack held himself, the worry in his eyes that he tried to, but couldn't completely hide and the way he twisted his fingers. All so familiar.

"When?" He didn't doubt him. When you grew up the way Jack did, the way they all did, you learned to trust your instincts, cause they could be the only thing standing between you and death. And Jack had always been very observant, something that was hard to believe when he'd spend 5 minutes staring at you without answering your question, but he was, he'd learned the hard way to feel when there were eyes on you. If Jack said someone had been watching him then someone had.

"Two days ago, when I was looking at that car"

Bobby nodded. They needed another car, and his was a distant memory by now, and Jerry would probably, hopefully, be taking his to work soon and then the rest of them would be stranded. Jack had seen a note down at the corner store about one for sale and told his brothers he were gonna go check it out. They'd argued about it, Angel had been at Sofi's and Jerry had some shit he needed to do. Bobby had wanted to come, then Jack had become pissed and said that he could check out a car by himself, Bobby had called him stupid and Jack had told him he was no fucking kid and stormed off to the bus. He returned later and said that the car was a piece of shit and Bobby had said nothing. He remembered the panic he felt then, when he didn't know exactly where Jack was, and now it felt even worse, thinking that something could have happened and he wouldn't have even known about it. "You tell anyone? Angel?"

Jack shook his head. "Not about that exactly. I just told him something felt wrong".

Could that be what Angel had wanted to talk about then... His head was spinning and his blood was pumping through his chest faster, making the not yet healed wounds protest, as if they wanted to remind him that they were still there. Well there were other wounds too, wounds that were still bleeding, wounds that couldn't heal until he had made up for the fact that he'd left his brothers when they needed him most. He pushed that thought away and focused on what needed to be done now. They hadn't talked about the car since Jack had said it was a piece of shit, now Bobby was thinking they should have, cause this was just starting to make sense in his head. Why would someone tell a lie so obvious? Claim a car was ready to be driven from sight if bought, when it could obviously go nowhere but the junkyard? It was fishy alright. And he smelled bait.

"Come on, let's get the rest and get the fuck out of here".

"Where are we going?" Jack asked as he picked up his pace and threw some random stuff in the cart.

"We're gonna see a man about a car"

**I realize some might be a bit confused now, I kind of am too, but I was writing and the story just took this turn, and well I just tagged along. Feel free to tell me if it sucks like nothing has ever sucked before lol. **


	30. Chapter 30

**Soo, there's something going on, who is watching the brothers huh? Seems Bobby has some issues with being benched, go figure. But keep in mind that he's still hurt pretty bad, he's nowhere near back to full strength at the moment, so it's gonna affect him of course.**

**Also, just wanna say thanks. I write for some other fandoms too, but this is by far the best and not just cause I love the movie and the characters, but because Four Brothers fans are so freaking nice, feels like there is so much support and encourgement here, so thanks!**

**I don't own Four Brothers.**

"This is a bad idea" Jack's voice was resigned. He knew there was no arguing with Bobby when he'd made up his mind.

"We're just gonna have a look" Bobby grunted a little as he shifted in the seat. His decision to forego the painkillers seemed more stupid than ever as his wounds itched.

Jack frowned and turned to look at his brother, crouched low in the passenger seat of Jerry's car. "You can barely walk".

"I can walk just fine, but we're not gonna leave the car anyway".

"So we're on a stakeout?" Jack let a little humour slip into the conversation, testing the waters.

It worked, and Bobby chuckled. "Yeah that's what we're doing. Remember when you were 12 or something? And we were watching Angel?"

Jack rolled his eyes with a laugh. "How could I forget".

"Even at 12 you were a little sneak, very handy to have around" Bobby grinned at him while Jack scoffed.

"That's because I always listened to you without asking questions"

"Yeah" Bobby's smile slipped a little, his tone still light but eyes serious "When did you stop that?"

Jack caught the undercurrent and paused, turning to look at his brother silently for a few seconds before answering. "When I realized brotherhood goes both ways". He turned to look out the window again, the air in the car suddenly a lot more tense than it had been moments ago. His eyes caught on a figure moving around the house they were watching. "That's him". Bobby leaned over, grimaching when his wounds stretched and pulled. "Know him?" Jack mumbled.

Bobby shook his head. "Don't think so, too far away to tell".

"Any closer and they'll see us" Jack reminded him.

Bobby weighted the distance in his head. He wanted to go closer, actually he wanted to march up to that little fuck and beat him until he told him what he wanted to know, but he knew he might not be alone, and if he wasn't they were in deep shit. As much as he hated to admit it he wouldn't be much use in a fight right now and Jack would be left to fend for himself when he went down. No that wouldn't work. They had to wait, even if it was killing him. His skin was itching to act. "Did you see anyone but that guy when you were here?

Jack shook his head. "He was the only one around that I could see".

Bobby nodded. "We'll wait and see if anyone else shows up".

"And then?"

"Then we leave" Jack looked over at him, a surprised look in his eyes. Bobby grinned. "We'll be back when we have Angel and Jerry with us".

…

"Where the hell are they?! I thought they were just going to the store?"

Jerry looked away from the cookbook he was rifling through to shoot his brother a patient look. "Bobby's probably dragging Jack all over town picking up stuff".

Angel scoffed, then sighed and took a seat at the table opposite Jerry. "Doubt he'll be dragging much of anything for awhile yet".

Jerry was quiet while he searched Angel's face. "That's what this is about?" Angel didn't answer, choosing to stare a hole through the table. "Angel?" Jerry asked, his tone a little firmer.

Angel sighed. "It just feels weird. It's like, everythings different now, and no matter what it'll never go back to the way it was, before".

"Before all this?" Jerry asked quietly.

He nodded slowly. "Before Ma got killed, before Jack got shot, before Bobby almost died, before Jack went insane and started tearing the town apart along with himself". He took a deep breath. "Before Camille left you and took the kids with her. "You know before everything went to hell and dragged us all along with it".

Jerry searched his face, a worried look in his eyes. "And what did you lose Ang?"

"My brother. Two brothers".

And then Jerry knew what this was about. "He's still here Ang, he just needs time". The words were softly spoken, meant to soothe, but they didn't have that effect right now.

Angel studied his open palms against the table, just like Evelyn used to do. He thought it showed that she didn't hide anything, didn't hold back. "I don't know".

"Is this really about Jack? Or because you think you let Bobby down?"

His hands still looked the same, just as he knew he did. How much could a person change on the inside before it showed on the outside too? "Both. I know it's always been Jack and Bobby ya know, but he's my little brother too, and I let him down, and when I did that, I let Bobby down too".

"Angel..."

"I KNOW he counted on me" He interrupted Jerry before lowering his voice again, sounding tired. "I just never thought..." He dragged a hand over his eyes. "I just never thought the day would come".

"When you'd need to fill his place?" Jerry asked carefully. It wasn't like Bobby didn't count on them to take care of each other, he did, and they always would, but Jerry knew it had always been different with Jack. Maybe because Jack had always needed him the most. He didn't feel left out because Bobby and Angel obviously had some kind of agreement from when Jack was very young, he knew that Bobby knew that when push came to shove he was always there for his family. That was what mattered, and Bobby knew that.

"Yeah"

Jerry sighed. "I didn't either". And he hadn't. So many times in the past he'd counted on his brother to be there, so many times he'd wished he'd stop what he was doing and try to live somewhat legally... but at the same time finding comfort in knowing that whatever it was Bobby could fix it. He hadn't called him when things went to hell with his business because he wanted to prove himself, to himself more than anyone that he could do this.

Angel glanced at the still closed door, willing it to open and his brothers to walk in, but it stayed closed. Bobby was hurt, and they were trying to take care of him, a strange arrangement for all of them, especially Bobby, it was just... a bit difficult. "And" Angel hesitated. His first thought had been to tell Bobby, but Bobby was taking his time getting home and he was worried. Besides they were all in this together. Bobby was hurt, and they would just have to learn to take care of shit too, without him if they needed. Sure they'd done it before, but everything was different now. "Jack's been worried".

Jerry frowned. "About Bobby?"

"In general. He didn't tell me what, just said somethings wrong and this morning I felt it too. Felt like someone was watching us, outside. I could be wrong, but I don't think so".

Jerry nodded. If he was honest with himself he was disappointed that Angel hadn't told him earlier, instead choosing to wait for Bobby to return, but he guessed he couldn't blame him. He hadn't exactly been thrilled about everything his brothers had been up to lately, and they hadn't really talked about it when the immediate danger was over. They were all still trying to find their place again, and maybe it was time to let them know that he was with them, all the way. "You can trust me".

Angel looked at him. "I trust you Jer, we all do. You know that right?"

"I know, but I meant, I'm in. Wherever it goes, we're in this together, all the way".

Their eyes met, and Angel nodded. "You gonna cook or what?" Angel's voice was lighter, obviously wanting to change the subject.

Jerry looked up when Angel spoke and then looked down at the book in front of him and grimached. He closed the book and reached for the phone. "I'll order out".

…

The pizzaguy had just left when Bobby and Jack came through the door. Jack took one look at the pizzas and mumbled 'thank god' before taking a seat, worried eyes following Bobby as he made his way to the counter and the pills he kept there.

"Where you've been? I thought you were just going to the store?" Angel asked, a frown on his face that made Bobby roll his eyes.

"Don't get your panties in twist sis, we'll tell you"

"You better" Jerry pointed at him and took a seat next to Jack. "Hey".

"Hey"

Soon they were all seated and they were all reminded of all the other nights they'd spent just like this, planning and discussing.

"Someone was spying on Jack when he looked at that car" Bobby began but was interrupted by Angel's head whipping around to look at Jack.

"What?"

"Someone was watching me while I was there, I could feel it, but nothing happenend"

"That what you were talking about earlier?"

"Yeah" Jack nodded.

"There's more to this isn't it?" Jerry asked and looked at Bobby. "What did you do?"

Bobby shrugged. "We went there, stayed a bit away, saw the guy, no one else, then left"

"That's all?" Jerry asked, doubt creeping along the words.

"Yes that's all, we thought you guys might want to tag along"

"Back there?" Angel clarified.

"Yeah, the guy has to know something, he was the one trying to sell the shitty ass car"

"You remember him from someplace Jack?" Jerry asked Jack who'd been pretty silent up until now.

"No, haven't seen him before, but there has to have been someone else there, I know it"

"And" Bobby cut in. "The guy claimed the car was fine, and Jack says the piece of shit wouldn't even make it to the junkyard, why lie when someone's coming over to inspect the freaking thing?"

"True" Angel nodded and took another slice of pizza. "So we go there, and then what?"

Bobby grinned, and Jack couldn't help his chest tightening. He knew what that look meant. "We do our thing, and then he tells us what we need to know and handle it from there".

"Bobby"

"Jerry this is serious" Bobby's voice was suddenly not so light anymore. "we need to know if there's anyone left of Sweet's guys that could harm us, they might be looking for a little payback".

_Dead dark eyes staring up at the sky, empty, cold, quiet... _"Those on the ice were in on it, they're not looking for revenge. If that is it then it's someone else" Jack mumbled.

"Hey I'm in all right?" Jerry looked straight at Bobby. "All the way". Bobby was silent for a few seconds, hearing the underlying message, then nodded. "Dosen't mean I can't be the voice of reason" He added, smirking.

Bobby laughed and shook his head before looking at Jack seriously. "You need to be a lot more careful now Jackie, we don't know what's going on or who it is, and..."

"You're the one who needs to be careful" Jack interrupted him, voice steady and eyes unusually hard. "You can't walk three feet without pain".

Bobby blinked, reigned in his temper and met Jack's gaze with his own calm one. "But I'm not the one who killed Sweet Jack".

Angel spoke, eager to break the staring contest going on across the table. "He's right Jack. And he's right Bobby. Jack, they could be after you because of Sweet. Bobby, you're in pretty lousy shape right now, the old lady down the street could probably whoop you one in a hand to hand fight".

"We all need to be careful" Jerry summed it up.

They ate in silence for a few minutes, each struck again by the familiarity of it all. How many times had they'd in this same spot... Laughing, arguing, teasing.

"So... tonight?" Jerry asked. "What's the plan?"

Jack looked at Bobby, a smirk on his face and lifted eyebrow and Bobby was reminded again of the fact that Jack had actually been a very devious kid when he wasn't brooding and trying to wake the neighbours with that guitar of his. His mouth curved into a smirk matching the one on his brother's face. "We're winging it Jerry".

**So any idea who it is? A friend of Sweet or someone else? Someone new or someone old? *laughs like a maniac***


	31. AN4

**Hi!**

**I thought I had uploaded an AN before I left but obviously something went wrong? Anyway, sorry for not telling you then that I would leave for a while. I haven't been feeling good, and I just needed to get away, just leave and I don't know? Find new inspiration? Myself? All that stuff people are always talking about. I was kind of picturing how I would spend some time looking out over Grand Canyon, reflecting over life and the choices I have made that have taken me here, where I want to go and who I want to be. **

**Well, I didn't find myself, instead I found someone else. And he broke my heart. It may seem a bit dramatic (points to above text as reference), but I have honestly never felt something like that before. Never. It was a few intense weeks where I actually felt more alive than I've done in the last 3 years. And now... Now I remember why it's so much better not to feel at all. **

**Isn't it strange? I was looking at amazing waterfalls, gazing out over Grand Canyon in the sunset, gambling my money away in Las Vegas, sleeping in the desert, listening to country music in Nashville and now all I can see is him. **

**It just hurts so freaking bad. I don't know how to explain it, it was just so intense, and now the hurt is just as intense as those feelings. I know this must sound stupid and over dramatic (hey I'm a wannabe writer, of course it's dramatic) to some, but I literally feel like I've lost a part of me that I didn't even know existed. I was just so different with him? More happy and carefree. Like I didn't have all the usual problems waiting for me when I got back home. **

**A few weeks filled with laughter, passion, jealousy, fights, smiles, hugs, tears... and I'm changed, whether I want to be or not. Suddenly I understand the meaning of the words; "You can never to go back..."**

**Anyway, if anyone's been making it through this depressing text, I'm back. Expect angsty updates and probably more angsty stories for the next decade or so. I'll post this AN to the stories I'm currently working on to explain my disapperance. Right now I just want to run, just run away, but I'm trying to resist that urge. **

**/CB**


	32. Chapter 32

**Hey peeps, I'm back. I'm feeling better, at least most days. Forgot who I am for a while there... Life screwed me over pretty good. Been writing some poems and stuff, and now I finally feel something inside that wants to end up on paper, or at least on the screen. Thank you all.**

**I don't own Four Brothers.**

"_I don't like it"_

_The quiet mumble made Bobby raise his head from the newspaper he'd been frowning over. Detoit seemed to get worse by the day, and reading the newspaper wasn't exactly what he'd call inspiring, but he did it anyway. He was a firm believer in being up to date on what was going on in his town. He looked over at Jack who was staring down in his glass of milk. Bobby noticed that he hadn't even begun to drink it, and the sandwich he'd carefully (okay that was a loose term) prepared this morning had barely been nibbled on._

"_What don't you like? The sandwich? Just so you know I made that from scratch"_

"_How else do you make a sandwich?" Angel asked as he breezed past them on the way to the coffee._

"_Shut it asshole, I haven't seen you make anything lately"_

"_You banned me from the kitchen remember" Angel shot back with a grin._

"_Well excuse me for wanting to live in a house that isn't burnt to the ground. Now shut it, I was talking to Jack"._

_As Angel left the kitchen laughing Bobby shook his head, what was the world coming to. "What were you saying Jackie?"_

"_I don't like you going out at night"_

_Oh. Bobby sighed. He knew Jack depended on him to be here, and he wanted to be, he always would be. If he could just understand that going out meant that he was insuring that he always would be. "Look Jack, I know you don't understand it, and frankly I'm glad you don't, but I need to be out sometimes you know, people need to know that I'm still here, okay?"_

"_Sure" Jack nodded, but Bobby could tell he didn't understand._

"_And Angel is still around when I leave right?"_

"_What's he gonna do? Comb them to death?" Jack muttered._

_Bobby's mouth fell open before he burst out laughing. It had taken a long time for Jack to come out of his shell, the shell he still lived in sometimes, but every now and then the sarcastic side of him would come out and it was just as funny every time. "I wouldn't worry Jackie, Angel might behave like a girl but trust me, he can hold his own and several others. I wouldn't leave you if I didn't believe that"._

"_Well can I come with you?"_

"_No" _

"_Why not?"_

"_Because you've grown on me, and I want you around, that's why I don't want you around certain other people"._

"_Cause they're gonna hurt me" Jack stated. This he knew, this he understood._

"_No" Bobby's voice was firm. "I would never let them. But no need to cause trouble if it isn't needed right?"_

"_You live to cause trouble"_

"_Well yes, but not where you're concerned"._

"_Am I supposed to understand you?"_

"_You don't need to understand me, you just need to eat your breakfast and trust that I know what I'm doing"._

**I know it's short, but I'm trying.**


	33. Chapter 33

**So yeah. I haven't been great. Might be better now, feels like it at least. Just got to be a bit too much there for awhile. Hope you are still with me, I have been worried you all would have taken off for greener hoods lol. It's not that I don't love the movie or the story anymore, I do, this is the story I feel most for out of all the one's I've written. I'm the problem, but I'm dealing with it. If your still with me I'm sending you lots of thanks, and if your not I'm still sending it cause you were here in the first place :) Now off we go then, it's short, but I'm trying hard, I hope you know that.**

**I don't own Four Brothers.**

_All the way._

Bobby rubbed his hands together, trying to hide the wince that came from it. He hated this frail body that was barely his anymore. It didn't feel like his. His body was strong and did as he wanted, he didn't know this new weak one, couldn't count on it anymore. He looked over at Jack sitting next to him. He trusted him, there was no doubt about that, and he knew he could hold his own, that wasn't the problem. Or maybe it was. He didn't want it to be Jack's job to look after him, cause that meant he could get in trouble, again, because of him. He wouldn't survive that again.

"Oh now we got you..."

Bobby looked up at Angel's mumbled words and caught sight of the guy from earlier making his way around the garage.

"Where?" Jerry mumbled, eyes trained on the figure now carrying gas tanks into the small building.

Bobby thought for a second and looked at Jack again, a question in his eyes. Jack nodded slowly. "It'll work". Bobby nodded and turned back to the guy now perring around him before entering the garage.

"Maybe you could fill the rest of us in to?" Angel asked leaning forward inbetween the seats.

Bobby smiled. "We'll corner him in the garage".

John smiled slightly as he turned to close the door behind him. Today had been a good day. Getting paid to show a kid a rustbucket of a car wasn't exactly what he called hard work. Of course it was strange, but when you lived in the world he did one was used to strange jobs and even stranger phonecalls. It didn't matter to him, what mattered was getting paid. He turned around and just about jumped a foot in the air when he came face to face with the kid he'd showed the car to earlier.

"Hi"

John was just contemplating his options when three other people showed up behind the kid. The shortest of the bunch stepped forward and came to a stop next to the blonde kid who still hadn't moved his gaze from his own. H let his own eyes flicker to the new one and knew without a doubt that he was screwed.

"About the car, we're not getting it, but I think you could still be of use to us"

The short one's voice just confirmed what he already knew.

If only... There were so many "if only's" in John's world right now that he didn't know where to start. If only his ears could stop ringing so he could focus, if only his right hand wasn't broken, if only he'd been a bit more careful when he took jobs. If only the damned kid could stop hitting him... Yeah, there was a lot about this night he'd change if given the chance, but as it was he wasn't even sure if he would live to see sunrise.

"Ready to talk honey?"

The shortest one mocked him as he had during most of his beating. John found it strange that it wasn't the obvious leader delivering it but hey, who was he to point that out.

"I swear I have no idea who it was, I'm telling the truth!" He couldn't stop the panick from letting itself known on a coughed breath.

"Well I don't believe you, and honestly I don't like you. Something about your face bugs me, or it used to. Looks different now".

Oh he could only imagine the black and blue mass his face would be come morning. If he was still alive to see it.

"I think he's to stupid to talk" One of the other guys pointed out. He'd stood in the background mostly, still a part of the group, but holding a lower profile, but now he stepped forward.

"Impossible" The short one muttered. "Or maybe not"

"Check if he has a phone on him" The other one suggested.

The way the kid searched his pocket and found it exactly 2 seconds later told John that he had been, or would have been a very successful thief. He flipped it open and started scrolling, his face lighting up in what would have been a bright smile during other circumstances.

"We have something".


End file.
